SGT CH193

193 Apocalypse Inner Voice Extra 2

◎[Si Si is so well-behaved, so clingy, so cute.]◎

Ah???

Listening to X’s inner voice, Mu Si had countless little question marks.

X had wrapped himself up so tightly out of fear that he would see his zombie appearance, terrified that he would leave him because of it.

For this reason, X was even prepared to force him to stay by his side.

Being forced by a zombie sounded rather terrifying.

Yet this zombie cooked meals for him, cared about whether he was cold or hungry.

And only dared to draw close to him concealed within the dark, feeling afraid even at the thought of his true appearance being seen.

Even though he was still handsome, merely possessing an overly pale complexion and crimson pupils.

“X.”

Mu Si called out softly.

Even though X remained standing there stiffly without moving an inch, he felt as though the other’s entire body shrank back slightly, as if wishing to hide himself away.

Leaning forward from the bed, Mu Si took X’s hand, looking up to gaze at him, speaking seriously:

“Your eyes are very special, very handsome. Can you let me look at you a little more?”

X’s body remained rigid, yet following his plea nonetheless, he took off the hat.

Slightly disheveled bangs fell across the corners of his eyes, revealing the crimson pupils beneath.

Those eyes watched him nervously.

Looking dazed and blank from being far too tense.

Lacking even a shred of the bloodthirsty frenzy a zombie ought to possess, appearing utterly blank, very easy to bully.

Of course, this zombie had an exceptionally ferocious side as well.

According to the thoughts revealed earlier, if he attempted to flee, X would forcibly keep him behind.

Yet Mu Si felt no fear at all.

There was even a tiny bit of curiosity toward an X in that state.

[Were you frightened by me?]

[What should I do next?]

X’s body was tense, his expression rigid, his pupils contracted tight.

It was rare to see such a side of X.

Could the omnipotent squad leader of ability users actually have moments of such insecurity as well?

Mu Si smiled at him, speaking sincerely: “Very handsome.”

X’s pupils contracted abruptly for an instant, then grew glazed.

Looking thoroughly dazed, as if his rationality had dropped offline.

Even more blank.

“Can you take off the mask?” Mu Si asked.

“Don’t you have abilities? It should be fine, right? You won’t hurt me.”

[Of course I won’t.]

[Even if I die, I will never let you get hurt.]

Raising his hand, X slowly removed the mask.

Cool, sharp brows and eyes paired with tightly pressed thin lips—even more handsome.

Even those crimson eyes were exceedingly attractive.

X had always matched his aesthetic taste perfectly.

Back at the graduation party, among so many people, he had only remembered X.

When drawing the confession card, the one he subconsciously chose was X as well.

Although he had refused to admit it at first, he had always liked X.

Mu Si tugged at X’s hem, signaling him to lower his head.

X bent his body down.

Only to have his neck embraced, lips sealed in a kiss.

X’s pupils dilated abruptly.

[Si, Si Si?]

This long kiss lasted for a very long time. X practically lost the ability to think, responding only out of sheer instinct.

They only parted when Mu Si’s frail body became breathless once more.

Stroking Mu Si’s back, X helped him steady his breathing.

Finally remembering the half-cooled porridge.

“Drink porridge first.”

X brought the porridge over, feeding it to Mu Si.

Half-leaning in X’s embrace, Mu Si let him feed him.

In the past, Mu Si had rarely displayed such a reliant posture.

Even during that frail period right after losing his crystal core, he had avoided letting X take care of him as much as possible whenever conscious.

He hadn’t wanted to become a burden and dead weight to X.

Now, however, X’s clear feelings shifted Mu Si’s perspective.

He was no longer so obsessed with formal self-reliance, willing to try leaning on the person beside him in moments of vulnerability.

[Si Si, so well-behaved.]

[So clingy, so cute.]

[Love him so much.]

[So wonderful…]

A series of sweet sentiments made Mu Si feel somewhat bashful, the tips of his ears burning faintly, burying his head in X’s embrace to nuzzle against him.

[So wonderful, having left the base, Si Si can only rely on me.]

[I truly want to go on like this for a lifetime.]

[Yet if Si Si finds out that I intend to forcibly keep him by my side, refusing to send him back to the human base, he will be angry, right?]

[…]

[I can build a city exclusively for Si Si, giving him everything a human needs, as long as I can keep Si Si by my side.]

Mu Si: “…”

It was truly hard to imagine that X harbored such a ferocious possessiveness toward him.

Calm and detached on the surface, looking entirely indifferent to his opinions, or as though everything was firmly in his grasp.

Yet dark, humble, and crazed within.

Exceptionally contradictory.

Still, Mu Si hadn’t intended to return to the base in the first place.

Given X’s condition, he definitely couldn’t return to human settlements.

And he wanted to stay by X’s side.

“Not going back to the base,” Mu Si said after finishing the porridge.

“Let’s find a place far from crowds to live, just you and me.”

X’s pupils contracted, his excitement uncontrollable.

“Si Si, are you serious? Staying to live together with me? Just us, only each other?!”

Since turning into a zombie, this was the first time X had spoken such a long string of words.

Perhaps from speaking more, his voice became less raspy, returning to its former cool, low, pleasant timbre.

Of course, agitated as he was right now, it wasn’t cool in the slightest, nor low; only ‘pleasant’ still fit.

Pressing close to X, Mu Si rubbed against his cheek affectionately.

Feeling both sorrowful and delighted.

“X, from now on you only have me.”

X had turned into a zombie.

Those outstanding ability users could no longer walk side by side with him.

X had only him left.

Belonged entirely to him.

Although X had wanted to monopolize him by force, he had not put it into action.

Yet he was the one who had genuinely caused X to turn into a zombie.

He even felt delighted that X belonged exclusively to him after turning into a zombie.

He was the truly terrifying person.

In shame, Mu Si buried his head in X’s chest, his voice choked with tears.

“I am sorry, I am sorry. I killed you, and I am monopolizing you in this way.”

X was at a complete loss.

“Si Si, don’t be sad. This has nothing to do with you, it’s my own fault.

“I was the bad one. I turned myself into this state, leaving you behind all alone, almost causing you to…”

Recalling the scene he had witnessed in the shopping mall when tracking Mu Si’s scent, X felt such immense remorse he almost wished to kill himself.

Knowing full well Mu Si had no abilities, possessed frail health, and lacked the capacity to survive, he had still left Mu Si alone in this world, almost causing Mu Si to perish in the jaws of zombies.

Mu Si: “I was the one who shook off your hand, I caused your death…”

X: “No, I sought death on my own.”

Mu Si: “I was…”

Arguing over this seemed rather bizarre.

Mu Si snapped back to reality, looking up at X.

“What did you say just now? What… sought death?”

X choked instantly, falling silent.

Yet under Mu Si’s pressing gaze, he had no choice but to speak.

“I… had the ability to break free from the zombie horde, but I didn’t do so…”

Mu Si understood X’s capabilities very clearly.

He had wondered earlier how it was fundamentally impossible for X to fall into a zombie horde, let alone be submerged and swallowed by zombies.

He had guessed whether an issue occurred with X’s abilities, or if the situation was too critical for X to react.

Yet he never imagined the answer was actually this.

It had actually been X seeking death on his own.

“Why?” Mu Si couldn’t help questioning, his voice rising sharply, before dropping at the end.

Perhaps the apocalypse was too cruel, too dark and suffocating, causing issues with X’s psychological state.

The gaze Mu Si directed at X turned even more cautious and aching with heartache.

“Because…”

[Si Si loathes me…]

[I shouldn’t be alive.]

[Since Si Si wants me to disappear, I should disappear completely.]

[Yet… couldn’t bear to.]

[Couldn’t rest easy leaving Si Si alone in such a dangerous world.]

[Still wanted to see Si Si one more time…]

“What are you saying?!”

Mu Si flared with sudden fury, almost wanting to leap up and interrogate X.

Had he not been confined in X’s embrace, he would have done so already.

“What do you mean by I loathe you? What do you mean by I wanted you to disappear?!”

Surprise and confusion flickered in X’s eyes.

[Did I say my inner thoughts out loud?]

“I am sorry, Si Si, it was my fault.”

Holding Mu Si, X coaxed him, striving to calm his overly intense emotions.

Mu Si had no intention of letting him gloss it over, slapping away the hand resting on his arm, saying coldly:

“Explain it clearly!”

X’s body stiffened slightly, his hand hovering in midair.

After a long while, he lowered his eyes, whispering softly:

“Si Si shook off my hand just like this back then.”

Mu Si froze slightly, watching X’s hand pause in the air before withdrawing, feeling somewhat at a loss.

“I… that’s not…”

“None of that matters anymore, as long as Si Si is still by my side, that’s enough.”

Feigning optimism, X gently embraced Mu Si, carefully avoiding his left hand, loosely resting his arm on Mu Si’s waist, his movements exceedingly cautious.

How could it not matter?

That had cost X his life as a human.

Causing him to become a zombie.

Yet X’s inner thoughts held only concern for him.

As if losing his life meant nothing to X; what he cared about far more was his opinion of him.

Mu Si lifted his left hand, looking down at his wrist.

There, a faint scar remained.

“I am sorry, I was just… my body was a bit… I didn’t loathe you. I, I love you very much.”

Mu Si’s nose stung. He didn’t know why he had acted that way back then either.

Perhaps it was his insecurity that made him care far too much about the extracted crystal core, obsessing far too deeply over his lost ability.

To the point where his scarred left hand became a taboo he couldn’t touch.

He had never loathed X.

On the contrary, he cared about X intensely, loved X deeply.

Caring to an excessive degree, to where seeing him rescue other teammates instead of protecting him made him feel miserable.

Mu Si buried himself sorrowfully into X’s embrace, carrying a hint of avoidance, yet far more of sheer affection for X.

“Please don’t leave me, don’t abandon me alone.”

Mu Si understood that protecting teammates was X’s duty.

Yet under such dangerous circumstances, with X leaving him alone, he had been terrified, and worried deeply for X as well.

The zombie that crept up to the car had been shot dead right outside the car door.

At the time, that zombie’s claws were less than half a meter away from Mu Si.

While X was a hundred meters away, covering the retreat of his teammates.

Sensing Mu Si’s grief, X suddenly realized something.

Mu Si had been terrified.

Pursued by a horde of zombies like that, he had left Mu Si inside the vehicle, assuming he could block all danger, yet he had overlooked Mu Si’s fear, overlooked Mu Si’s need for his companionship.

Mu Si hadn’t loathed him.

He had simply been terrified, perhaps carrying some anger over his departure, which was why he shook off his hand.

Moreover, Mu Si said… he loved him, loved him very much.