SGT CH109: Begging You to Love Me

◎Even when asking for love, it came with a great deal of caution and uncertainty.◎

X was always stern and reserved.

After becoming a zombie, his emotions had become even fainter.

This was the first time Mu Si had seen such intense emotion in X’s eyes.

That pair of crimson eyes gazed at him almost abjectly, pleading with him, telling him: Begging you to love me.

Mu Si’s mind suddenly went blank.

He had always thought the time X loved him most was when he crossed half the city to find him at the start of the apocalypse.

After that, X’s love for him was gradually eroded by the cruel competition of the apocalypse.

The strongest ability user in the base and a dodder flower with no ability to protect himself—they didn’t match at all.

Those ability-user teammates who could fight shoulder-to-shoulder with X were the ones more suited to stand by his side.

Everyone thought so.

Even Mu Si felt they were right.

Perhaps… X thought so too.

X might still love him, but not as much anymore.

He was no longer X’s first choice.

But now, X was driven to near madness by his single word, “regret.”

The calm and indifferent surface was shattered, revealing a scarred interior.

The scarlet eyes, a mark of his zombification, stubbornly pleaded for his gaze, humbly begging for his love.

The love had never vanished, only settled, and under the fermentation of time, had transformed into an aged, potent liquor.

Bitter and astringent on the first sip, burning the throat, making one mistake it for having gone bad.

Mu Si’s nose stung. He raised his hands to wrap them around X’s neck and fiercely kissed his lips.

X stiffened for a moment, then immediately hugged him back forcefully. His arms tightened, gathering him close as if wanting to merge him into his very bones and blood.

The clay pot cooking porridge was steaming with fragrant heat. Mu Si and X were entangled, neither having the mind to pay attention to the outside world.

A thick flower vine reached in through the window and turned off the gas on the stove.

The small courtyard was a riot of splendid blossoms.

The flowers, which had looked slightly wilted after being rained on all night, bloomed even more vibrantly after absorbing enough sunlight.

The originally closed flower buds, under the intense stimulation, all burst into bloom.

Two hours later, Mu Si, who hadn’t eaten breakfast and was faint from low blood sugar, dizzily climbed up from the floor.

Before he could fully get up, he was hooked by X and fell back into his embrace.

“Don’t go.”

X clung to him tightly, resting his chin on his shoulder, looking like he wanted Mu Si to die in his arms.

Among the many ways to die Mu Si had imagined, this was not one of them.

“I’m going to starve to death.”

Mu Si’s voice was weak.

His stomach, pampered by X for over a year, was too fragile and couldn’t miss a single meal.

X turned his head to look at him, seemingly pondering something.

Then, he took a blanket from his spatial storage, wrapped Mu Si in it, picked him up, and placed him on the living room sofa.

Mu Si watched his retreating back, silently tightened the blanket around himself, pressing it down as if to cover up, and said helplessly:

“Could you at least put on some clothes?”

X picked up his trousers and put them on.

His shirt and jacket had been used as padding just now and were no longer wearable.

So he picked up the apron from the side and tied it on.

What was the difference between this and wearing nothing? It was even more suggestive.

Mu Si tried his best to look away, focusing his attention on the meat porridge X brought over.

The porridge was warm, not hot, just the right temperature.

Because of the two hours of physical exertion in the morning, he had been hungry for a long time. Finally able to eat, Mu Si couldn’t help but eat a lot.

He felt a bit too full.

Just as Mu Si’s hand pressed on his stomach, X picked him up, his hand reaching under the blanket to rub his belly.

It was a very familiar mode of interaction.

When they first started dating, X cooked for him personally to supervise his meals.

Mu Si would act resistant on the surface, looking extremely annoyed, but in reality, he would always accidentally overeat.

His stomach was delicate; it couldn’t stand being hungry or being too full. He would feel uncomfortable as soon as he ate too much.

Back then, X would sit on the sofa, let him rest his head on his lap, and place a warm hand on his stomach, gently rubbing it for him.

Mu Si lay down along X’s body, pillowing his head on his lap, and relaxed.

He had thought X didn’t love him that much anymore.

But X’s expressions and actions were telling him that he had never changed.

Mu Si was a little confused.

He thought of the psychic crystal core X had given away, of how compatible X looked standing with his ability-user teammates, of the care he showed the healer, of that glaring white piece of clothing…

For a moment, he couldn’t tell what was real and what was fake.

Mu Si slowly closed his eyes, not wanting to think about those upsetting things anymore, relaxing his mind to enjoy the present.

X watched Mu Si lying quietly on his lap.

At this moment, Mu Si had his eyes peacefully closed, all his thorns retracted. His expression was soft, appearing quiet and well-behaved.

It gave him the illusion… that they belonged to each other and would never be separated.

X rubbed for a long time. Mu Si’s breathing gradually became even, as if he was about to fall asleep.

He lightened his movements, carefully picked Mu Si up, and carried him to the bed in the second-floor bedroom.

When his head touched the pillow, Mu Si dazedly opened his eyes, his hazy gaze falling on X.

His expression was misty, half-asleep.

X reluctantly withdrew his hand and stood aside, lips pressed together.

When he met Mu Si’s searching gaze that followed, he said in a low voice:

“I’ll just watch from the side, I won’t do anything else.”

A sour pain rose in his heart, a pain that even his palm could feel.

X lowered his eyes and said no more.

Mu Si reached out a finger and hooked X’s fingertip, which was hanging by his side. Sleepily, he said:

“Don’t leave me.”

“…Okay.”

X looked down at their linked fingers, eyes wide open, not daring to move.

“Can you… can you continue to love me…”

A child who has lacked love since young doesn’t know how to express affection; even when asking for love, it came with a great deal of caution and uncertainty.

Mu Si stared at X insistently. Even though his eyelids were fighting to stay open from sleepiness, he wanted to wait for an answer.

X was stunned for a moment, then slowly knelt down, placing his hand in Mu Si’s and resting it by his pillow.

With his other hand, he stroked Mu Si’s soft hair and answered seriously:

“I will love you forever.”

This answer was far more solemn and firm than what Mu Si had wanted to hear.

But the promise was too long-term, which conversely made one feel uneasy.

Under the influence of sleepiness, Mu Si slowly closed his eyes, finally gripping the cool hand by his pillow tightly, rubbing his cheek against it before falling into a deep sleep.

·

X stood guard by Mu Si’s bed for the entire morning.

The following days seemed to return to the past. Mu Si lived under the same roof with him, and whenever he felt bored, he would stick to him.

The word “regret” seemed to have never appeared between them.

X tried hard to avoid related topics, doing his best to maintain the status quo.

If Mu Si brought it up, he would also find ways to change the subject.

If Mu Si insisted on talking about it, he would use his spatial ability to escape for a short while.

As if sensing his evasive attitude, or perhaps having forgotten the matter, Mu Si gradually stopped mentioning it.

Only when night fell would he pull him into bed.

X endured the constant panic of being kicked out by Mu Si at any moment while lying by his side, and then, he received many hugs and kisses.

Mu Si’s body had been conditioned much better, and his mentality also seemed to have undergone a subtle change. He was no longer so impatient with him and was more willing to use him to satisfy his needs.

He wouldn’t turn cold on him midway through, nor would he frequently show resistance.

He would even cling to him after they were done, asking him to stay by his side.

Occasionally, in the dead of night, he would quietly ask him for confirmation of his love.

X wished he could dig out his own heart and give it to him.

He responded to Mu Si over and over, promising again and again that he would always love him, always protect him.

He was terrified that Mu Si would find someone else to depend on, anxiously offering all the bargaining chips he possessed.

He had many crystal cores.

He let Mu Si try crystal cores of every attribute, but Mu Si couldn’t absorb them.

So he gave the crystal cores to Mu Si as ornaments, to play with as marbles, to skip across water—anything was fine.

He planted more mutated plants for Mu Si, sending him new flowers and fruits every day.

Mu Si didn’t like white clothes, so he replaced all the clothes in Mu Si’s wardrobe with a riot of colors.

However, the expression on Mu Si’s face when he opened the wardrobe didn’t seem very happy.

Even after doing so much, X still felt insecure.

Mu Si had been too close to him recently, which was paradoxically less reassuring to X than his previous cold and resistant demeanor.

The nicer Mu Si was to him, the more he felt he needed to give, otherwise this ‘niceness’ would completely disappear.

He couldn’t bear such a price.

After a month of such days, X received news from the base.

They had heard about a suspected psychic ability user.

In Haicheng.

Psychic… ability user.

This was the answer X wanted least.

Yet it was the only answer.

That evening, X casually told Mu Si that he had accepted a mission and needed to leave the base for a while.

“A week to half a month. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

X said, his eyes lowered to the corner of the table.

The dignified Zombie Emperor didn’t dare to look people in the eye when lying.

Mu Si sighed in his heart.

The mutated plants had already told him everything.

Perhaps even X didn’t know that the root systems of the mutated plants spread throughout the entire base. There were no secrets in this base from him; the only difference was whether Mu Si wanted to know or not.

And concerning news about the psychic crystal core, the mutated plants cared even more than Mu Si himself.

“I’ll go with you.”

Mu Si said.

A direct refusal would definitely not work; X might sneak off to do it, or have the zombies outside or even people from the base do it for him.

It would be better for him to follow personally.

He could try to persuade X on the way.

X opened his mouth, wanting to say something.

Mu Si said directly: “When you’re not by my side, I’ll be scared, I’ll be… very lonely.”

Meeting Mu Si’s clear gaze, X couldn’t say a single word of refusal.

“Okay, we’ll go together.”

X thought that after arriving in Haicheng, he would first find a safe place to settle Mu Si down and then act on his own. It wouldn’t delay anything.

And he could spend more time with Mu Si.

Mu Si could guess X’s thoughts.

But he didn’t have a good way to deal with it.

He couldn’t restrain a Zombie Emperor with spatial abilities.

Unless he could make X give up on his own.

But if words couldn’t persuade X…

Mu Si thought for a moment and said:

“Bring the mutated plants too.”

His own strength was too weak. If X really wanted to do something, he wouldn’t be able to hold him back.

With the mutated plants, it would be much easier.

Although… having the mutated plants bind their own creator sounded magical and unrealistic.

But Mu Si had a gut feeling that these mutated plants would be willing to do it for him.

Even if it meant making a move against X.