FLME Ch17: Chatterbox

By the time they reached the foot of the mountain, it was nearly nine o’clock.

The farmhouse they were recording in was halfway up the mountain, requiring a half-hour hike up a mountain path. Chu Han waited for him at the intersection. What surprised Yu Wen was that Xi Su was actually there too.

Fine, he shouldn’t be surprised. He should have understood long ago that this blue-haired guy was just Chu Han’s pendant.

There was only a dim yellow street lamp at the intersection. Looking back, the mountain path was flat but deep and secluded, with dense forests on both sides, comparable to a horror movie set. Yu Wen poked his head out to take a look, feeling lingering fear. “You guys shouldn’t have made a slow-paced variety show, you should have transformed this into a haunted house, letting artists come experience it and filming their ugly postures. You’d definitely make a killing.”

Whenever Yu Wen got nervous, he would chatter endlessly. After finishing his rambling, he suddenly realized it was dead silent around him. Chu Han’s mouth was slightly open, not knowing how to reply, and Xi Su was also looking at him with considerable astonishment.

Yu Wen turned to look at the staff member jiejie who had come to pick him up, pretending to be calm. “I will restrain myself.”

The staff jiejie held back her laughter, thinking his continuous roasting along the way wasn’t bad either, so she said, “It’s fine, as long as Teacher Yu is happy.”

Yu Wen pouted, “But if I’m happy, you guys will be unhappy.”

Staff member: “That’s not important. You don’t need to respect us this much.”

Yu Wen accepted the advice gracefully: “Alright. Small Courtyard is truly a tolerant big family.”

Chu Han revealed the exact same expression he had during the last live stream.

—Amidst the surprise, there was a trace of reverence mixed in.

Yu Wen greeted him familiarly and looked at Xi Su.

Artists who debuted from survival shows had a good outer shell. Unlike the bone structure beauty and fluency pursued by big-screen actors, idols living on stage placed more importance on surface beauty. They didn’t need to blend in with the environment; they needed to completely attract the audience’s eyeballs, making the spotlight shine only for them.

It was Yu Wen’s first time seeing this blue-haired guy face-to-face in private, and he couldn’t help but carefully observe his features.

If he had to say, he bore a twenty to thirty percent resemblance to Feng Chengzhou.

The male lead top was a traditional handsome guy with sword-like eyebrows, starry eyes, and an aggressive sharpness, like a lion in the jungle, possessing an inherent, long-standing noble arrogance amidst his proper features. Xi Su, compared to Feng Chengzhou, was more flamboyant. A slight raise of his eyebrow revealed his pride, carrying the unique, untamed nature of someone young and immature.

The contrast between his appearance and his personality was the key to his attracting fans.

“Yu Wen-ge.” In front of the screen, Xi Su had a slightly shy and bashful personality. With the camera rolling, he had been waiting for Yu Wen to speak, but Yu Wen’s gaze turned vacant—he had actually spaced out while recording a show.

Xi Su raised his hand to rub the tip of his nose. As soon as these little movements appeared, the oppressive feeling brought by his appearance was completely weakened. For a tall guy over 1.8 meters, he instantly became cute.

“Hello, I am Xi Su. I heard you are Chu Han-ge‘s friend. Nice to meet you.”

Yu Wen shook his extended hand, reacting half a beat late. “Ge? May I take the liberty to ask how old Teacher is?”

Xi Su: “22.”

Yu Wen: “Which month?”

Xi Su: “January…”

“I’m younger than you, how can I let you call me ge?!” Yu Wen hurriedly bowed, his face full of shame. “Ge, my good gege, pardon my disrespect, pardon my disrespect.”

The staff members could barely hold back their laughter.

Where did Teacher Chu find this living treasure? He is born to be on variety shows!

It was probably also Xi Su’s first time dealing with someone even more “sincere” than him, and he appeared somewhat flustered.

After a few more brief pleasantries, they finally embarked on the journey up the mountain.

They were all artists, so their physical stamina wasn’t necessarily that great. But Chu Han and the others had been going up and down the mountain for half a month and were at least more accustomed to it than Yu Wen.

Yu Wen’s lifelong aspiration was to be a salted fish; it’d be weird if he could climb.

“Teacher Chu.” Not even ten minutes into the walk, he started looking for outside help. “If you are willing to support me up the mountain, I will live the rest of my life in gratitude to you.”

Since he was the guest he had invited himself, Chu Han was duty-bound to lend him some strength.

Yu Wen leaned on Chu Han, his eyes half-closed, almost crying wide noodle tears. “With a friend like this, even if I won a lottery of a billion, I’d still be happy.”

Seeing the two of them walking with difficulty, Xi Su offered, “Let me carry you on my back.”

“I wouldn’t dare, I wouldn’t dare. Teacher Xi, don’t worry about us. A fragile person naturally has their own backbone. Even if I die on this path today, I won’t let anyone carry me.”

Two minutes after saying this sentence.

“Teacher Chu, if you are willing to carry me…”

Chu Han: “Where’s your backbone?”

Yu Wen: “How could I have a backbone? That’s simply alarmist talk!”

Chu Han didn’t carry him; Chu Han couldn’t carry him.

The two had similar builds and heights. For Teacher Chu to still be supporting him now was already an earth-shattering display of friendship.

Yu Wen found two sticks in the bushes and handed one to Chu Han. The two hunched over, tremblingly leaning on their walking sticks. Yu Wen couldn’t help but recite a poem: “A bamboo cane and straw sandals are lighter and better than a horse, whether going or staying, we both possess the courage of Kunlun.”

Chu Han: “…”

In the last ten minutes, Yu Wen was truly exhausted, panting heavily. He looked at the cameraman dage. “These next words are my dying wish: After I die, please divide my property into three portions. One portion to pay off Huabei, one portion to pay the tab at the convenience store downstairs, and one portion for the dog food of Brother Dog in the community garden…”

The staff members had never seen someone who could talk so much in their entire lives.

Chu Han hadn’t seen one either. He nudged his arm, telling him to shut up. “Talk less… you’ll run out of breath even more like this…”

Before going up the mountain, Yu Wen had a fair, small face; now it had mutated into a red apple, his whole head covered in sweat. Strangely, his spirit was still quite good.

He was seen waving his big hand, saying full of energy, “It’s just a mere mountain path, at worst I’ll die here, what’s there to be afraid of!”

Chu Han was silent for a while. He really couldn’t hold it in and laughed out of exasperation.

“If the sky falls, your mouth can hold it up.” Chu Han ungraciously stuck out his walking stick and poked Yu Wen’s lower back. “Get out, hurry up and walk.”

Xi Su walked on the side from beginning to end, like an outsider who couldn’t blend into the atmosphere of acquaintances, unable to even interject a few sentences—Yu Wen’s train of thought had more twists and turns than a roller coaster. If he didn’t actively dumb himself down, no one could catch his words.

The mountain path originally scheduled for half an hour took them forty minutes to climb.

When they arrived at the courtyard, the lights inside were still on, and several regular cast members came out to welcome them upon hearing the noise.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome new friend.” “Hello Xiao Yu, I am Tong Li, I am also an actor…” “Hello hello…”

Small Courtyard had a total of five regular cast members. Besides Xi Su and Chu Han, there were two female and one male guest.

Tong Li, an actress who had struggled in the entertainment industry for over ten years, had always been lukewarm. A while ago, she made a cameo as a “white moonlight” character, finally gaining some heat, earning the title of “treasure veteran actress.” Song Chenglei, a variety show personality who had been mingling in the entertainment circle for many years, excelled at controlling the flow and self-deprecation, contributing to more than half of the iconic scenes and punchlines. Cao Lingyun, a rookie actress, just as new as Yu Wen, temporarily without any broadcasted works, hardworking and enduring, her performance in the show was commendable.

Yu Wen shook hands with them one by one. When he shook the last one’s hand, his knees suddenly gave way, and he abruptly knelt down.

Song Chenglei was startled and hurriedly stepped forward to support him, joking: “Although I’m at an age where I could be your dad, I can’t accept such a big bow…”

Yu Wen struggled a bit but couldn’t exert any strength. He gave Song Chenglei a sweet smile, “It’s fine, if my knees want to kneel, let them kneel. We aren’t close-minded parents.”

With one look, Chu Han knew he was just so tired his legs had no strength. He casually took a straw rope, tied one end of the two bamboo sticks together to form a movable V-shape, and tucked it under Yu Wen’s armpits.

“Lend a hand, move him to the living room to kneel. The Three Pure Ones are enshrined there, you can light three sticks of incense for him while you’re at it.”

Yu Wen was peacefully “clipped” into the living room. Cao Lingyun wanted to light incense, but Tong Li didn’t let her.

According to routine, after gathering in the living room, they would draw lots to decide who would make breakfast the next morning.

Although Yu Wen couldn’t stand up, he could crawl. After everyone sat down, he plopped his butt right next to Chu Han.

Xi Su, who walked in last: “…”

Yu Wen looked at Xi Su with pure, innocent big eyes. “Xi Su-ge, have a seat.”

Chu Han was next to Song Chenglei on his left, and Yu Wen was sitting on his right; no matter how you looked at it, he couldn’t squeeze in.

Since things had come to this, it wasn’t good to ask a “wounded” person like Yu Wen to give up his seat. Xi Su barely maintained his smile and simply sat opposite Chu Han.

While Chu Han felt he was being reckless and impulsive, he was also full of gratitude towards him, unable to resist sending a message under the table: [Thank you.]

Yu Wen rested his chin on his hand, typing with one finger: [Promised you.]

[Any time, any place! Guardian angel, striking out bravely!]

The production team brought over the lottery box.

Tong Li’s sharp eyes noticed the lottery box was different from usual. “Is there a new task today?”

The production team’s lottery boxes had always been shoddily made, just going through the motions. Sometimes it was even the guests randomly writing a few slips of paper to draw. But what they brought today was actually a single-sided acrylic drawing box, with a black-and-white ghost face printed on the transparent side.

“What is this.” Song Chenglei turned the drawing box. There were a few small round balls of different colors inside. He looked closely, “Is it drawing lots for teams? Based on color?”

“If it’s grouping by color, why would they show you the colors?” Tong Li roasted sharply.

Song Chenglei spread his hands helplessly. “At least leave me a bit of dignity as a senior in front of the camera.”

The two had similar seniority and knew each other well before recording the show. Bickering back and forth was the norm. Everyone was already used to it, but still couldn’t help laughing.

The production team took over the conversation: “Everyone guessed correctly, there is a new task tomorrow. With the old member’s wish in front, and Teacher Yu’s whimsical idea following, we have combined the two. Tomorrow is a two-person team mode, but not everyone is of one mind with you. A ‘gold stealer’ will lurk among you, stealing points through physical contact on a designated body part—commonly known as an undercover mole.”

As soon as the director finished speaking, Song Chenglei stood up abruptly, pretending to be angry, and thumped the table. He said to Tong Li, “It’s you, right? Ah, I was wondering why you were constantly targeting me today. Is the form of stealing points making others lose their temper? Wow, speaking of which, I’ve inexplicably felt a bit of anger since just now, you did that on purpose, didn’t you…”

Tong Li looked baffled. “You having a bad temper, what does that have to do with me? Go relieve your fire somewhere.”

Cao Lingyun looked around, her expression becoming nervous.

Tong Li: “Xiao Chu and Xi Su have been silent, a bit suspicious; Xiao Yu is a newcomer, the director probably wouldn’t let him fight alone, the risk is too high; Lingyun probably isn’t either; Old Song and I have been old friends for over a decade, I can tell at a glance if he has a guilty conscience from doing something bad. According to my judgment, it probably isn’t him, and of course it isn’t me either…”

Tong Li analyzed it all in one breath, leading the others to start brainstorming as well. It looked like a debate was inevitable.

Yu Wen cupped his cheeks with both hands, his gaze cautiously sweeping over everyone.

Song Chenglei: “What are Xiao Yu’s thoughts?”

Everyone’s gaze brushed uniformly to him. Being called upon, Yu Wen hesitated.

“I proposed the undercover mole. I originally wanted to be it, but the production team wouldn’t let me. They said we had to draw lots to decide.”

He poked the drawing box in front of him and said implicitly, “In Xiao Yu’s humble opinion, the undercover mole is still in the box, hasn’t even come out of its mother’s womb yet.”

Tong Li: “…”

Song Chenglei: “…”

Everyone who almost started debating: “…”

Sitting behind the camera, the director was holding back laughter so hard he was about to cramp up.

“Ok, fine.” Song Chenglei picked up a phone. “Taxi, taxi, please come to the foot of the mountain to pick me up… Viewers in front of the TV, Song Chenglei is going home first—”