FLME Ch16: Variety Show

Xie Heyu’s main task was to check if Yu Wen was living a debauched and reversed day-night lifestyle.

He carefully checked the fridge, kitchen waste, the dust on the table, and the tidiness of the wardrobe. Although not perfectly organized, it was neat, indicating that Yu Wen had been living well while staying home.

Xie Heyu saw half a watermelon and a few apples in the fridge.

“Didn’t you say you disliked sweet watermelon?”

“Yeah.” Yu Wen was lying on the sofa, his butt sticking up, surfing the internet in an extremely flexible position, “I don’t like it, but I still need to replenish it periodically. Vitamins are not comprehensive. My mother said so.”

He had taken off his coat, and the loose neckline revealed a slender, jade-like collarbone and a blindingly white skin. Xie Heyu looked away, saw his feet still bare, and went to the table to get the air conditioner remote, raising the temperature by two degrees.

Yu Wen whined, “Teacher Xie, it’s hot.”

The stalwart Teacher Xie was once again pinned in place.

“…Put on your socks.”

Yu Wen looked up, only to see his back heading into the kitchen, with a hint of weariness in his hurried steps.

Yu Wen just thought he had worried Xie Heyu too much, and quickly got up to put on his socks.

–

He was chatting with Chu Han.

The show “Mountain Courtyard” was still airing. It was planned for twelve episodes, using a format where each episode was filmed and then immediately broadcast. The eighth episode had just aired last night, and the guests were currently recording the ninth episode.

Yu Wen and Chu Han weren’t really friends, and they hadn’t communicated much. The longest chat they’d had was the last time Yu Wen reminded Chu Han about Xi Su’s identity.

They hadn’t talked since then.

Today, Chu Han suddenly sent a message, which Yu Wen didn’t notice because his phone was on silent. He had just seen it.

Chu Han: [Would you be willing to come record for “Mountain Courtyard”?]

Chu Han: [I want to invite you. The appearance fee isn’t low, and the show has decent popularity, but it might be a bit tiring.]

Tiring?

Speak for yourself, old man.

Yu Wen almost replied “No” right away, but fortunately, his rationality returned before he sent it. He didn’t quite understand why Chu Han suddenly invited him, so he opened the video app and watched the recent episodes of “Mountain Courtyard” at double speed to catch up.

His previous prediction turned out to be correct. Xi Su had started his old tricks again, clearly targeting only Chu Han. Whether it was out of a grudge or an attempt to steal him away, Yu Wen couldn’t tell if Xi Su was being sincere or fake.

In the fifth episode, Xi Su joined and “coincidentally” was paired with Chu Han. That episode was intense and full of conflict. While online reviews were mixed, the shared hardship between the team members did spark some chemistry.

After that episode, Chu Han grew closer to him. In the sixth episode, the two were almost inseparable. Xi Su kept calling him “Brother Chu Han” and even pinched his nose to eat an egg to make him happy.

Who could refuse such a direct approach from a little puppy?

The viewers certainly couldn’t.

From the sixth episode onwards, the perception turned around, and the “Rare CP” pairing emerged, with editing clips on certain platforms reaching over a million views. But starting from the seventh episode, Chu Han suddenly began to deliberately avoid Xi Su’s advances. This led to much speculation, with fans of the CP saying it was to avoid rumors, but it was clear to anyone that the atmosphere between them had become tense.

Naturally, this caused more trouble for Chu Han, as Xi Su’s behavior on the show was impeccable.

Yu Wen held his phone, deep in thought, still unable to figure out why Chu Han wanted him to join.

What could he do? Watch the drama unfold in person?

Yu Wen: [Sorry, I’m with a film crew right now. It’s hard to take leave.]

Chu Han replied quickly, his internet speed surprisingly fast compared to his usual old-man pace.

[Can’t you spare just two days?]

[I can sign up for an agricultural assistance live stream, as long as you’re willing to be a guest on the tenth episode.]

[Please.]

For someone like Chu Han, using the word “please” was the highest level of request.

Yu Wen was startled and even more puzzled. [Is there something special about the tenth episode?]

Chu Han was silent for a long time, only confessing after Yu Wen pressed him.

Chu Han: [The sixth episode had a very high level of engagement. The director wants to replicate that model.]

Yu Wen: […Pairing up?]

Chu Han: [Yes.]

No wonder Chu Han was avoiding it like the plague. Given the current situation, not only was Xi Su’s first choice him, but for the sake of viewership, the production team would likely pair them up deliberately.

It would be another CP fest.

Yu Wen: [But I have no experience with variety shows, I might not be of any help.]

Chu Han: [It’s okay, I will do my best after choosing you.]

Yu Wen thought for a moment.

[How do you want to break up the CP? Hard or gentle?]

Chu Han: […What?]

Yu Wen: [Option 1: Forceful Seizure; Option 2: Love Triangle; Option 3: Shifting Affections; Option 4: Gradual Distance…]

Chu Han: [Which one is the gentle version?]

Yu Wen: [Oh, those are all hard versions. The gentle version is what I call the Diversion Technique: reduce your time alone together, so the CP fans have no material to work with. No material means no content, no content means no hype. Starve the CP fans, and eventually the CP itself dies out.]

Chu Han: […You know a lot.]

Yu Wen: [You flatter me.]

He didn’t know much before, but after studying Xi Su, he learned quickly. After all, his internet speed was fast, and Xi Su’s tactics were classic.

Yu Wen: [The gentle version plan is as follows:]

Chu Han: [That’s enough!]

Chu Han: [No need to list them.]

Chu Han: [I’m already very happy that you’re willing to come.]

Seeing these words, Yu Wen slumped on the sofa, worried.

Even though Chu Han acted earnestly and didn’t care about popularity or status, could someone so sincere really make it to the top in this industry…

His final advice to Chu Han was: [Consider signing with a company.]

After ending the chat, Yu Wen forwarded the chat history to Xie Jiamao.

Xie Jiamao: [This is good. Although the show doesn’t have many big stars, it has a steady audience. It’s a good opportunity.]

Xie Jiamao: [Not bad, not bad, Xiao Yu is starting to get variety show offers on his own.]

Xie Jiamao: [Cheering.jpg]

Yu Wen: [Working! Going to work! StarLight Media Top 500!]

Yu Wen: [Cat running fast.jpg]

Xie Jiamao immediately responded with enthusiasm, looking forward to the future. Yu Wen, feeling inspired, excitedly rolled over on the sofa.

Xie Heyu came out with a plate of sliced strawberries and saw him roll off the sofa onto the floor.

Fortunately, there was a carpet, so he didn’t hurt himself.

Xie Heyu picked him up from the floor. Yu Wen, like a kitten, shrank his neck and blinked his bright eyes.

“Teacher Xie, I was wrong.”

Xie Heyu shook his head and helped him back onto the sofa. Yu Wen saw the plate he was holding and stretched his neck, surprised, “Teacher Xie, you dismembered the strawberries?!”

Xie Heyu: “…”

Yu Wen, holding the neatly cut strawberry tips, instantly understood Xie Heyu’s thoughtful gesture.

“Teacher Xie, you are such a good person.” Yu Wen was deeply moved.

In his life, apart from his parents and sister, no one had ever helped him eat the strawberry bottoms!

Teacher Xie, truly a brother!

The recording schedule for “Mountain Courtyard” was tight, with episodes nine and ten being filmed back-to-back. The day after agreeing to Chu Han’s request, Yu Wen received an invitation from the show’s production team.

The recording location was in another city, and after landing, staff members were waiting at the airport exit, treating him courteously.

“Hello, Teacher Yu. Thank you for coming from afar. We’ve prepared a simple meal for you, and we hope you don’t mind eating in the car.”

The production team had done their homework. Although Yu Wen was a little-known actor and Starlight Media was a new company, it seemed to have the support of several industry bigwigs. It was likely that some major boss was dabbling in the entertainment industry. It was best not to offend him.

Yu Wen had no idea he had such a powerful background. He just thought they were being quite polite.

“Mountain Courtyard” was located in a remote area, about two hours’ drive from the airport. Most of the guests had to eat in the car and also record the pre-interviews.

“How much do you know about our show, Teacher Yu?”

Yu Wen had just finished eating, hadn’t wiped his mouth clean, and the camera was already rolling.

He quickly wiped his mouth with a napkin, took a sip of water, licked his lips, and solemnly said, “I’ve watched every episode. I really like this comfortable style. I feel very honored to be invited as a guest.”

His response was very formal. The staff member in the front seat had seen his previous live stream and couldn’t help but tease him, “Teacher Yu, you can relax a bit. Although there are no comments here to interact with you, please don’t suppress your nature.”

Yu Wen was silent for a moment, blinking.

“Do you want me to be an honest chatterbox?”

The staff member was amused by his unique way of putting it. “Feel free.”

“Tomorrow is the official recording. Are you ready, Teacher Yu?”

Yu Wen was still sitting upright, but his expression had clearly relaxed. He thought for a moment.

“We have to do a lot of work, right? I know. I’ve seen your show. Not only do they treat artists like mules, oh sorry… not only is there a lot of physical labor, but it also covers a wide range. Artists grow a lot after recording; building houses and walls is easy, raising chickens and killing fish is a breeze. ‘Mountain Courtyard’—a great place to cultivate versatile artists.”

Yu Wen smiled and gave a thumbs-up.

Staff member: “…”

Yu Wen: “Did I go too far?”

Staff member: “A bit.”

Yu Wen took the advice: “I’ll tone it down.”

“Let’s cut that part and start over.” He resumed smiling. “‘Mountain Courtyard’—a great place to cultivate versatile artists.”

The staff then asked a few standard questions, which Yu Wen answered smoothly.

“But, I remember that guest stars have a chance to make a request,” Yu Wen smiled shyly, “because a previous guest left a wish after quitting halfway. So, the rules for this episode are set by him, and my chance is postponed to the next episode’s rules… Well, this is troublesome and affects the experience for later guests. Can we combine them?”

The so-called “previous guest’s wish” was just an excuse by the production team. All the guests knew it. The staff member felt a bit awkward hearing this, but fortunately, Yu Wen didn’t make a fuss and left everyone some face.

She breathed a sigh of relief and teased him like a child, “Oh? What’s your idea, Teacher Yu?”

“Hmm… let’s add an impostor. They can steal points by touching certain areas, and if they touch a team member, the points double. At the end of the recording, if the impostor isn’t caught, all members’ points are halved, and the impostor’s points double.”

“Ah…” The staff member was surprised, then quickly understood and teased, “Teacher Yu wants to be the impostor, right? No need to move much, just touch to get points. Teacher Yu is being lazy.”

Yu Wen didn’t deny it, smiling shyly and honestly, “Grabbing points is too tiring. If I can’t beat others, it might be all for nothing. Better to go for the big one.”

“It’s an interesting idea, but we can’t designate the impostor, or it would be rigged.” The staff member winked playfully. “We’ll decide by drawing lots.”

Yu Wen cooperated, showing a look of regret. “Okay.”

Laziness was one aspect.

More importantly, under such rules, any physical contact would be suspicious, perfectly cutting off the CP’s connection.

He wasn’t here to join this family; he was here to break it up.