UCTOOT CH94

Chapter 94: I am Gay

Shi Shu felt vaguely aware of Xie Wuchi coming over to check on him. A scorching pain flared across his back, itching and throbbing all at once, while his consciousness remained hazy.

This was the most severe injury he had suffered in the nearly three years since transmigration. Shi Shu tilted his pale, smooth chin, overcome by pain: “If only I could go home…”

Modern, advanced medicine offered anesthesia, anti-inflammatories, and pain relievers. But right now, there was nothing to be done; he could only tough it out with his youth. Shi Shu couldn’t fall asleep, and Xie Wuchi hardly slept either, keeping watch right beside him.

When Shi Shu thought back to the idea of climbing into Xie Wuchi’s bed—yes, that was the only way home. But was that fair to Xie Wuchi? Xie Wuchi was risking his life through blood and fire, so was it fair for Shi Shu to usurp the fruit of his labor?

Perhaps in his blurred consciousness, Shi Shu realized that ever since their reunion, driven by this motive to climb into bed, he had almost deliberately seduced, toyed with, and humiliated Xie Wuchi’s feelings. The moment the thought crossed his mind, cold sweat broke out across Shi Shu’s forehead once more.

Shi Shu suddenly felt utterly useless. He couldn’t go home, and yet he harbored such dark thoughts. He turned his face away, his eyes turning red, perhaps from the physical pain as well.

The dizziness from his fever and the burning pain on his back were gradually enveloped by drowsiness as the night deepened. Before Shi Shu drifted off into a hazy sleep, Xie Wuchi sat beside him, watching over his injuries.

“Shi Shu,” the voice was low, “give me a little more time…”

Late at night, past the third watch.

On the bed, long eyelashes rested still against a handsome, pale face. Once the youth had fallen into a deep sleep, Xie Wuchi, dark circles beneath his eyes, flicked his sleeves and stood up.

Not far away, a faint, threadlike sound of stringed music drifted with the wind, waxing and waning. It seemed to disturb Shi Shu’s sleep, causing his brows to knit slightly in his dream.

Dressed in simple inner garments with his dark, fine hair cascading down, Xie Wuchi stepped out. Guards were waiting at the door.

“Have the scouts returned?”

“Reporting to Your Lordship, the scouts have just returned. They are being summoned for an audience now.”

Xie Wuchi stood in the courtyard, where the pale moonlight lay cool as ice across the quiet space. The scout entered from the outer gate, and Xie Wuchi received him where he stood—tall and erect, his white robes glinting softly in the night light.

“Your Lordship, the destination of those thirty grain ships at the docks has been uncovered! We are tracking them along the route, and that direction indeed leads toward the Northern Min garrison,” the scout reported. “My Lord, the grain official’s collusion with the Min is confirmed!”

Xie Wuchi: “Do not alert the enemy. Continue tracking them along the route.”

The scout was puzzled: “This… My Lord, tracking them further leads into Min-occupied territory. The grain has already been delivered; further investigation is useless and carries far more danger than hope.”

Xie Wuchi stood beside the pond, where moss and rust-like spots clung to the stone. He scooped a few grain-pellets of fish food and tossed them in; fish scrambled to feed on them. “The grain official colluded with the enemy, and his crimes will be punished. If you trace the path upstream, uncovering the Northern Min’s grain routes and storage locations along the line will be a great accomplishment.”

He spoke softly, at an unhurried pace.

Trace it upstream, to uncover the Northern Min’s grain routes and storage locations! …

The scout felt as if he had been struck by a bolt of clarity: “Subordinate… subordinate understands!”

Xie Wuchi fixed his dark eyes on him: “Remember, proceed with extreme caution.”

“Yes!”

In an instant, the scout withdrew to the door and departed with swift strides!

Peace returned to the inner courtyard. Xie Wuchi tossed away the remaining fish bait and went over to the well water to wash his hands. Only the continuous, swirling sounds of silk and bamboo instruments lingered, making it easy to imagine Jia Wu’s courtyard over the wall—filled with clever smiles of beauties and swarming like butterflies around flowers, impossibly lively.

Water droplets clung to Xie Wuchi’s fingers. He pulled out a handkerchief to wipe them dry. The hands looked impeccably clean, bearing no trace of the blood they had been stained with.

Xie Wuchi turned and headed back to his own courtyard, his gaze clear and cold.

When Shi Shu woke up again, it was noon. The wounds on his back temporarily stopped throbbing, but as he lay there feeling sick and weak, the room felt stiflingly hot, filled with bright, white sunlight.

It had the suffocating feel of a scorching summer afternoon.

Xie Wuchi wasn’t around. Shi Shu looked around for a while without finding him, then angrily flipped through the letter sent by Du Zihan. Footsteps sounded at the door, and Lin Yangchun walked in: “How is it, still alive?”

Seeing him, Shi Shu breathed a sigh of relief: “Dr. Lin, could you prescribe me some painkiller, or just knock me out with one punch and wake me up when I’ve recovered?”

“I don’t have a punch to knock you out, but a punch to kill you outright is doable.” Lin Yangchun lined up his medical kit, filled with instruments for acupuncture, pulse-taking, ointments, and cupping.

“…………”

Shi Shu looked up: “Dr. Lin, you’re a doctor, yet you think about killing people with a single punch every day. Isn’t that a bit too martial-spirited of you?”

“Hmph, you talk plenty, so you must be healthy enough! Lie flat.” Dr. Lin pulled up a small stool and sat down.

Shi Shu hugged his pillow as the light quilt on his back was pulled aside, exposing a terrifying array of wounds. He spoke without much spirit: “Teacher Lin, your temper has been getting worse lately. Did something happen? Is the situation inside Yunzhou City alright?”

Lin Baihe entered from outside carrying a medical box: “It’s precisely because things are bad that Master is throwing such a big temper.”

Shi Shu paused: “What happened? I got into a bit of trouble these past two days and couldn’t go out. The situation in Yunzhou was already a tragedy—could it get any worse?”

“There is no ‘worse,’ only ‘even worse.’ Yunzhou City has run out of food and ammunition. The grain supply has been cut off for days. Now, everyone is plotting to eat meat!”

Shi Shu’s eyes widened. On his back, Lin Yangchun was checking for decaying flesh and applying ointment: “Your brother raised you well; he put plenty of ice blocks in this room so you wouldn’t get too hot and let the wounds rot. Fortunately, if things keep going like this, no extra complications or illnesses will arise.”

Lin Baihe wiped his sweat too: “It really is cool in this room!”

Shi Shu pressed further: “What do you mean by ‘eating meat’?”

“Eating meat—don’t you get it? When there’s no food left and all the wild herbs and white clay are eaten clean, who can resist eating fair, tender flesh?”

Lin Yangchun scooped out the ointment and smoothed it onto Shi Shu’s injured areas.

“They don’t dare be seen during the day, so they go out at night.

They carve off just a single piece! That kind of meat swells up when cooked! Throwing it into a pot yields a huge portion, and it tastes good—fragrant and rich!

At first, nobody dared to eat it, but when people starved past their limits, they ate.

And they even have to fight over it! Some were too afraid to eat, but when theirs got stolen, they got furious.”

Lin Yangchun said angrily, “They even have to pick the right time, so they don’t get stuck with feet or tough skin that’s too hard to chew! Take a walk through Yunzhou City: those who don’t eat it are gaunt and sallow, while those who do look rosy and radiant!”

A massive shock rippled through Shi Shu’s heart. He stared at him for a long moment: “How did you find out?”

“It happened back in Shukang Manor too. These past few days, with food and ammunition completely exhausted, there really was no other way. In our medical tent, we always felt someone walking past at night, and the corpses brought in were missing parts. Master questioned them thoroughly and uncovered it!”

Shi Shu’s eyes shifted, his back turning cold. He couldn’t utter a single word.

Lin Yangchun fumed, “Leaving aside whether these bodies carried plagues, this meat simply cannot be eaten! In a great famine, when people eat people, eating it brings disease!”

Lin Baihe desperately wanted to cover his master’s mouth: “Master, please! Words that shake military morale like this shouldn’t be spread around!”

Shi Shu couldn’t help moving, but the sharp pain on his back caused him to double over again, his face turning pale: “Has Yunzhou City really reached this state? But don’t be scared, there will be a way…”

Shi Shu couldn’t say the rest out loud. Xie Wuchi knew the clues regarding the smuggled grain—the location and the people involved. He would definitely recover it. The people in the city could be saved; things would definitely get better…

Shi Shu’s fingertips gripped the letter as a stormy sea raged in his heart. Though far away, the gunfire from Yunzhou City seemed to reach this very room. Yunzhou… must not fall. If Yunzhou fell, the flames of war would spread across the entire nation of Dajing, and by then, scenes of human cannibalism would sweep the whole country…

Human eating human. Humans had evolved for so many years, moving from wild survival tribes to developing etiquette, music, and moral refinement, learning to value friendship and civilization. Shi Shu’s transmigration from the modern era to ancient times had already felt like a dark blow, a regression of civilization—and this single war had obliterated the humanity of the tens of thousands of commoners inside Yunzhou City. There were still those who refused to eat, using the radiant light of human nature to resist the threat of death; while those willing to eat only did so to stay alive and defend their homes. Among the flesh they consumed, were there familiar friends and brothers…?

It was terrifying to imagine how many would die in a nationwide war, and how the masses would survive…

Once a war broke out, it would drag on until one side was completely stripped of the power to resist, utterly helpless, their heads ground mercilessly into the mud and their necks snapped before it would ever stop.

Shi Shu felt an inexplicable sense of panic, as if he could see the iron hooves of the Northern Min riding south, scimitars trampling fleeing commoners, war flames burning temples and pavilions, and centuries of Central Plains Confucian legacy slaughtered and pillaged, blood splattering as crowds fell screaming into death…

Shi Shu felt a chill on his back, alongside the throbbing pain.

Just as the wounds on his back finished being cleaned and Lin Yangchun was packing his medical kit, a figure stepped through the door. Thin beads of sweat glistened on Xie Wuchi’s forehead. He wore a dignified, proper vermilion-and-purple official robe with silver-white armguards, a section of clean white bandage showing at his slender wrist. Stepping inside, his expression carried a calm, deep air of reflection.

Lin Baihe hurriedly bowed: “Greetings, My Lord.”

Xie Wuchi said calmly, “Oh, you’re here? How is he?”

Lin Yangchun said, “He still needs rest. Avoid spicy or stimulating food so the wounds don’t worsen. Take careful care of him; once he gets through these dozen-or-so days, he’ll be fine.”

“Understood. Stay and chat with him, and have a meal here before you leave.” Xie Wuchi stepped forward, lifting the quilt to inspect Shi Shu’s back.

Seeing sweat on Shi Shu’s forehead, he wrung out a wet cloth to wipe it away, cupping his entire face up. Under the watchful eyes of everyone present, Shi Shu closed his eyes: “Ge.”

Lin Yangchun opened his mouth as if wanting to say something, but Lin Baihe grabbed him around the waist and said, “My Lord, my master and I will take our leave first! If brother Shi Shu feels unwell at any time, we are at your service!”

At the same time, he used his eyes to signal Lin Yangchun: Master, I know you’re anxious to save people, but how can mere commoners like us pry into or question matters like military provisions? Those in high positions make the plans—why should we interfere! Our lives matter most, so stop poking your nose into trouble and let’s go! Saying so, he coaxed and dragged the old doctor out the door.

Shi Shu grabbed Xie Wuchi’s wrist: “Ge.”

Xie Wuchi: “What’s wrong?”

Shi Shu: “I’m losing patience. When will this injury heal? I just want to bounce around freely; lying flat like this all day makes me feel like a useless cripple. How is Yunzhou doing right now?”

Xie Wuchi pulled the thin quilt up over him: “The Min army is still besieging the city. They probably guessed that the city’s food supplies are depleted, so their offensive is fiercer than usual. They marched a long way to get here, so they need grain supplies too; right now, they’re likely tightening their belts to get by as well. Wait a little longer.”

Shi Shu: “Will there be good news?”

“Wait for the scouts. Once we trace the path upstream to uncover the Northern Min’s grain routes and garrison location, there will be a way to win.”

A ripple stirred in Shi Shu’s heart: “Back on Beilai Slave Street, you said you had the ability to change the status quo—to let the weak and powerless live, and to crush the arrogant ones’ pride. Xie Wuchi, you really can do it.”

Xie Wuchi looked at the injuries on his back and said, “Shi Shu, I’ve told you ten thousand times: I’m not that good of a person. Fairness and justice are glorious ideals that many people spend their whole lives fighting for, including you. But I’m different. Everything I do is purely for myself, because trampling others makes me feel good.”

Shi Shu turned his head to look at him.

Xie Wuchi: “Even now, I cannot empathize with anyone; I merely put on a show on the surface. If I possess even a single thread of kindness, it is only because of you.”

Shi Shu’s eyes reflected Xie Wuchi’s sharply defined features, a faint stir touching his heart. Xie Wuchi added, “All along, on this path I walk, I’ve been completely alone. I hope that in the future, before you make choices, you think carefully about whether you can stay alive. If you live, this world might become a better place; but if you die, I will stop caring about anyone and walk my path alone.”

Ever since transmigrating, Xie Wuchi had been walking his own lonely path without a single companion.

Xie Wuchi was like a demon enduring cold solitude in a dark lair, capable of fulfilling all his desires. The little shepherd’s wish was for his family to be healthy and for world peace; all of this required the demon to expend his power, yet he did not end up buried in the lair as promised, to accompany the eternally lonely demon.

Shi Shu’s chest throbbed slightly. Xie Wuchi had always been walking the path of fighting for power—a path of endless, fatal struggle. He was a monster with an evil exterior but immense power, destined perhaps to be destroyed alone in the whirlpool of power one day, feared, cursed, isolated, and dying alone.

And finally, stripped of all value, turning to ash and smoke.

Shi Shu picked up the letter, feeling a bit thirsty: “I want some water.”

Xie Wuchi brought him water. The cool water wetted his lips as Shi Shu stared at his fingers. Long-jointed, with clean, rounded nails—his hands were washed impeccably clean.

Shi Shu took a glance, then turned his head elsewhere: “This script gave me, a straight guy, a home-wrecking, country-ruining trope.”

“You’ve kissed a man, jerked off together, engaged in heavy petting, and you’re still a straight guy?”

“…………”

Shi Shu: “Slightly bent straight guy, get it?”

“If you get fucked by a man in the future, will you still be a straight guy?”

“…”

Shi Shu clutched the cool quilt tightly: “Try it then, Xie Wuchi. Since you’re so capable anyway, fuck me to death.”

“Fucking you to death might not happen, but fucking you into utter bliss is very possible.”

Shi Shu sniffled, completely defeated. He had been trying to desensitize himself, but after just a few lines, his defenses crumbled. He raised his handsome, clean-cut face, looking at him with a slight sense of being offended.

Xie Wuchi had just returned from the council hall, having specifically ridden a horse to the docks, so he was covered in sweat. It was a rare moment of leisure for him to sit and drink a cup of tea. Beads of sweat hung on his straight nose bridge, his brows lowered in a thoughtful expression. Whatever Shi Shu said, he replied casually and calmly.

Shi Shu looked at him. Xie Wuchi was the type of man who looked lean in clothes but possessed a solid build underneath. Even fully clothed, one could tell his posture was exceptionally tall and broad—six foot two, with tough muscles, sharp abs, and powerful legs underneath.

Shi Shu felt his vision dark again and again.

Before, when they were in bed, Shi Shu’s strength was far inferior to his. His arms had been pinned down until he couldn’t budge, helplessly left to be played with. Now he probably couldn’t run away at all. What a nightmare; Shi Shu had never imagined in his life that he would be the bottom.

Yet, thinking about it carefully made his ears flush red again.

Shi Shu hesitated for a long time before saying: “Can you be gentler in the future?”

Xie Wuchi looked up, watching Shi Shu ramble on without knowing what he was talking about: “I’ve never dated anyone, nor have I experienced it… Can you be gentler in the future…?”

Shi Shu kept going: “Dating too—I’ve never been in a relationship. I keep forgetting you, failing to remember that you’re my boyfriend. I don’t even know how to date someone.”

Shi Shu’s pale face was bright red, a few stray hairs sticking up at the top of his head: “I don’t know how to act cute or say sweet things either. Anyway—”

Xie Wuchi: “Anyway what?”

Shi Shu: “I can date you seriously, and I won’t call myself straight anymore. I lose. I’m gay, okay?”

Shi Shu bared his heart in just a few sentences, his mind flooded with endless thoughts. Xie Wuchi spun the lid of his teacup with one hand, but right then, signs of movement came from outside the door.

When Xie Wuchi stood up, he instantly regained his usual military composure and calm, looking at Shi Shu: “Rest well and recover from your injury first. Don’t think about these things for now.” With that, he stepped out the door.

At that moment, someone outside came to report: “My Lord, those few carriages were seen heading out of the city again.”

Xie Wuchi: “Tell them to get ready. Don’t alert the enemy yet; act when the right moment comes.”

Still inside the room, Shi Shu heard these sounds and wondered if Xie Wuchi was going out again. He was just preparing to close his eyes out of boredom when he heard footsteps moving—one step, two steps—

A kiss was pressed against Shi Shu’s eyelid: “I’ll talk to you when I come back tonight.”

Shi Shu opened his eyes, only to see the departing sleeves and back of his robes at the door. Fine then, Xie Wuchi sure adjusted to this identity quickly.

Shi Shu closed his eyes, waiting for tonight to arrive.