FLME Ch18: Audio

The lottery results would only be shown to the camera, aside from the person drawing them.

Yu Wen silently observed everyone’s expressions. After the others showed their slips and returned to their seats, they looked at each other with meaningful expressions.

He couldn’t glean anything from reading their faces for now, so he decided to see how things played out tomorrow.

In the second round of drawing lots, Chu Han became the lucky winner chosen to prepare tomorrow’s breakfast.

He smiled helplessly and unrolled the slip of paper in his hand. On it was a scribbled “1”.

The person who drew the smallest number had to cook; this was an established custom on Small Courtyard.

The crowd scattered in twos and threes. As Yu Wen stood up, Xi Su lent him a supporting hand and said seemingly unintentionally, “Chu Han-ge, I’ll help you tomorrow morning.”

Yu Wen thought tonight was over, but hearing these words, alarm bells instantly started ringing in his head.

Upholding the best strategy for dismantling a CP—the “Starve the CP Fans” rule—he decided to act as a third wheel.

“Need help? I can do it too.” He turned his head and looked at Chu Han sincerely. “Saving a life is better than building a seven-story pagoda, and you, my friend who dragged me all the way up the mountain alive, are simply a living Bodhisattva.”

Chu Han looked at his trembling legs. “I’m afraid you’ll die in front of the stove.”

Yu Wen: “Do not curse me.”

Chu Han’s legs and feet were also sore. He bent down and rubbed his ankle. “It’s just making breakfast, we don’t need that many people… But this path is really hard to walk on.”

Yu Wen caught the keyword. “This path? You didn’t take this path before?”

“Mn.” Chu Han straightened up and came over to support him. “Let’s go, our room is next door. Xi Su, rest early… There’s another, closer mountain path. It still takes nearly half an hour, but it’s not as steep. However, there are a lot of mosquitoes on that path at night; one bite gives you a huge welt. The previous guests complained about this issue, so this time the production team arranged for you to take this way.”

After saying that, he pursed his lips and joked, “You should be secretly happy you didn’t get your face disfigured.”

Yu Wen knew there were many mosquitoes on the mountain and had seen the embarrassing state of previous guests with faces full of mosquito bites.

But compared to the path of despair, he would rather be bitten by mosquitoes.

“I’m so touched,” he said expressionlessly. “It warmed me right up to a third-degree burn.”

The next day, Yu Wen woke up bright and early.

The grouping letters were hung at the door of their rooms, assigned by the production team. Yu Wen was grouped with Song Chenglei. He went downstairs to ask and, sure enough, Chu Han was grouped with Xi Su.

There was a short flight of stairs in front of the kitchen. Yu Wen hopped in like a little zombie. Chu Han was beating eggs, and Xi Su was acting as his assistant. The two didn’t talk much, but the atmosphere was very warm—at least it seemed so to outsiders.

In reality, Chu Han wasn’t good at hiding his emotions, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t. After all, he was a rare talented actor and had figured it out over the past few episodes. Since he couldn’t avoid him for the time being, rather than being at a stalemate, it was better to maintain basic socializing so that the audience wouldn’t find faults.

Yu Wen poured a glass of warm water, sticking out the tip of his tongue to lap at it like a cat, and sighed with squinted eyes: The entertainment industry is truly complicated.

He wondered how he had lived so smoothly before. It turned out he wasn’t near the undercurrents. As soon as he came into contact with the protagonist, the occasions to use his brain suddenly multiplied.

Yu Wen resolved to wash his hands of it after finishing this job and not get involved in the grievances and entanglements between the protagonists.

Chu Han and Xi Su tacitly made breakfast. Yu Wen leaned against the kitchen door in silence, quietly observing the two of them for a good ten minutes.

“Xi Su-ge, are you the ‘Gold Stealer’?” he suddenly spoke up, startling them both.

Chu Han almost flung his spatula out and said in annoyance, “Are you a ghost? You make no sound when walking.”

Yu Wen felt wronged. “I hopped in. Your frying pan masked the sound of my footsteps.”

His face vividly displayed the words, Are you blaming me for this?

Chu Han knew he was an actor but had never seen him act. At this moment, he felt he would definitely become a top-tier Best Actor; for no other reason than his expressiveness was just too strong.

“Why does Teacher Yu think so?” Xi Su wiped his hands, biting back, “I’m a good guy, really. By comparison, Teacher Yu is the weird one. Why were you standing here all this time? Could the stealing method have something to do with our backs?”

Yu Wen raised his hand and wagged his index finger.

“Wroooong~” He expressed his disapproval with a melodramatic tone. “I’ve been observing. Xi Su-ge just ‘inadvertently’ touched Teacher Chu’s arm three times, handed things to Teacher Chu six times, and took things from Teacher Chu’s hands eight times. If direct and indirect contact both count as physical contact, then you have already stolen seventeen units of points from Teacher Chu.”

Xi Su froze, then laughed, “How could it be that easy? The designated body part for physical contact should only be one…”

Yu Wen: “How do you know? Did you receive a task card?”

Xi Su: “I… I guessed. We all live together normally. If there are no restrictive conditions for physical contact, wouldn’t it be as easy as flipping a hand?”

Yu Wen didn’t speak.

Holding a plate, Chu Han silently stood a bit further away from Xi Su.

One could imagine that for the entire day’s recording today, the two of them would maintain this distance.

Xi Su’s expression had already stiffened. He turned around to pretend to be busy, feeling annoyed in his heart: I shouldn’t have talked so much with Yu Wen…

Every sentence is a trap, every single sentence is a trap.

Unable to hold it in, he gave the camera a look like he wanted to cry but had no tears.

‘Gold Stealer’ Xi Su—Exposed.

Yu Wen stayed quiet for a while, staring thoughtfully at Xi Su’s back. After a moment, his tone suddenly shifted: “You’re right.”

“Just ‘physical contact’ is indeed too broad.”

Chu Han: …You actually believe that?

Thinking his suspicion had been cleared, Xi Su couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief, feeling as if a heavy burden had been lifted.

Yu Wen didn’t explain further. He tightened the lid of his water cup and hopped back outside.

After breakfast, the director’s team announced today’s task location.

“Over the past half-month, our members have experienced a lot, pouring in hard sweat to build their own small courtyard. The house that shelters from wind and rain, the fertile vegetable garden, the clean and tidy poultry house… none of these could be achieved without everyone’s hard work.”

“After much consideration, the production team has decided to give everyone a holiday, inviting all members to camp at the peak of Luming Mountain to appreciate the natural scenery.”

Hearing the first half, the crowd was just about to cheer, but the moment “Luming Mountain” came out, Song Chenglei started making phone calls again. “Hello, hello, taxi? Come pick me up, I’m not recording anymore, not recording…”

Yu Wen quietly asked Chu Han beside him, “Where is Luming Mountain?”

Chu Han: “A mountain a few kilometers away. It’s high and steep. We went to see the sunrise during the second episode, but it wasn’t broadcasted.”

Yu Wen nodded, half-understanding. He asked, “Are you the ‘Gold Stealer’?”

Facing such an abrupt question, Chu Han’s expression froze.

“…Looks like you’re not.” Yu Wen examined his expression thoughtfully.

Chu Han let out a breath from his chest and said speechlessly, “Are you planning to ask everyone one by one like this today?”

“No, you were just too close to me, breathing straight into my ear. I was afraid you’d steal my points.”

Chu Han: “You don’t even have any points.”

Yu Wen remembered that he was a guest star and hadn’t completed any tasks.

“…Oh, right.”

The director’s team was still introducing the game rules.

Yu Wen suddenly raised his hand. “Director, how can I be stolen from if I don’t have points?”

“Points have no lower limit; they can go negative.”

Yu Wen processed this for two seconds, then said blankly, “After participating in this show, I won’t end up tens of millions in debt, right?”

“Pfft…” Chu Han couldn’t hold it in and laughed out loud.

Song Chenglei laughed happily, “It’s fine, Xiao Yu, I’ll give you two points.”

Yu Wen: “That’s so nice of you, Teacher Song. You’ve given me one two-hundredth of your points.”

Song Chenglei: “If you think it’s too little, then forget it…”

“Not too little, not too little. Since a senior has righteously offered help, how could I refuse?” Yu Wen limped over, took the plastic coin representing two points from Song Chenglei’s hand, and said delightfully, “No matter how small a mosquito is, it’s still meat…”

Inconvenienced by his mobility, he took the opportunity to stand next to Song Chenglei. Xi Su moved aside to make room for him.

“Ah, Teacher Yu,” Xi Su suddenly pointed at the top of his head. “There’s a piece of fuzz here.”

Yu Wen swiped at his head a couple of times as Xi Su directed him. Perhaps because of today’s special rules, to avoid suspicion, Xi Su refrained from touching him directly from beginning to end.

“Teacher Song, it’s on your side, can you pick it off?” Xi Su said.

Song Chenglei had been watching for a while. Even if Xi Su hadn’t asked, he would have helped. The clumsiness of these two was giving him a headache.

Song Chenglei picked out a piece of fuzz about the length of a knuckle and casually flicked it away.

While fixing his slightly messy hair, Yu Wen suddenly thought of something and shot Xi Su a thoughtful glance.

The director held up a megaphone: “…The production team has prepared picnic mats, tents, utensils, barbecue grills, and other equipment for you, but members must prepare the food themselves. Luming Mountain has an abundance of mountain delicacies like bamboo fungus and tea tree mushrooms. Please harvest them while going up the mountain to serve as your lunch and dinner today.”

Another rule was that for every certain distance climbed up the mountain, it counted as completing a challenge, which would earn a certain number of points. These points could be exchanged with the production team for meat and other supplies.

Song Chenglei felt something was wrong and asked, “Where does the hike start?”

The director pointed at the ground. “Here.”

Yu Wen felt a twitch in both his legs, as if warning him of enemies!

He looked solemn. “Crap, they’re coming for me.”

Receiving Yu Wen’s plea for help, Song Chenglei nodded heavily, issuing a voice of justice: “At the very least, you should let Xiao Yu go down the mountain first, otherwise aren’t you sending him to his death?!”

Anyone who has experienced lower limb soreness knows that going down is a hundred times more difficult and agonizing than going up.

The director said, “We are very sorry, Teacher Yu, but the production team’s minivan has one seat available. If Teacher Yu cannot endure it, it can be exchanged for thirty points.”

The time to test his popularity had come!

Without a second thought, Yu Wen turned and ran toward Chu Han. After two steps, it felt too awkward, so he switched back to the zombie hop, affectionately extending both hands. “Teacher Chu—saving a life is better than building a seven-story pagoda—”

Tong Li: “Are you going to eat Xiao Chu?”

Song Chenglei: “Director, do you have black dog blood and a peach wood sword?”

Chu Han reacted half a beat slow. Even when Yu Wen’s hands were right in front of him, he was still dazed. Just as the zombie hands were about to land on his shoulders, Xi Su raised his hand and spoke up: “How about I pay?”

Yu Wen turned his head to look at him.

The other MCs also looked at him.

“I get along quite well with Teacher Yu. Last night, he even called me ge,” Xi Su joked while pulling points from his pocket. “Since coming to this show, this is my first time being called ge… Consider it a belated meeting gift.”

Yu Wen blinked his eyes and immediately put on a harmless smile.

“Thank you, Xi Su-ge.”

Yu Wen gained VIP privileges and took a car directly to the foot of Luming Mountain.

There was a stretch of flat road between the two mountains. Yu Wen sat in the back of the pickup truck. With the pleasant breeze blowing against his face, it was no different from riding in a convertible.

…Except the small stool was a bit hard on the butt.

He shifted his position, brushed his wind-tousled hair back to reveal his smooth forehead, and squinted as he admired the wheat fields and scenery receding on both sides.

“Teacher Yu, how is your mood right now?”

The accompanying PD, shouldering the camera, asked a question.

“They walk while I ride, they suffer while I enjoy.” Yu Wen cupped his cheek with one hand. “Horizontal scroll: A happy life.”

The accompanying PD couldn’t help but grin.

“Teacher being able to enjoy this is all thanks to Teacher Xi Su. Do you have anything you want to say to him?”

Yu Wen thought for a moment.

“I hope he doesn’t steal my points today.”

Accompanying PD: “Oh? Teacher Yu thinks Teacher Xi Su is the ‘Gold Stealer’?”

Yu Wen curled the corners of his lips, smiling without saying a word. “Who knows.”

But in reality, his tone was full of certainty.

Locking onto Xi Su wasn’t just because of the flaw he exposed in the morning.

It was just that Xi Su’s words reminded him. Based on past episodes, the possibility of the director’s team directly copying a guest’s proposal was zero. They excelled at secretly swapping concepts, blurring subjects, and constructing traps in various places.

They couldn’t capture hot topics, their editing narrative was chaotic, and they had almost zero creativity, but their “battle of wits and courage” with the MCs was exceptionally brilliant—the magical Small Courtyard production team.

The exact words of his proposal at the time were “steal points by touching specific body parts, touching a member of the same group doubles the points.” This rule was fairly complete without any major loopholes, but it lacked a subject.

(Who) touching the designated body part of (whom) can steal points?

If given a choice, for the “Gold Stealer”, placing themselves outside of these two brackets would be the least suspicious and safest option, right?

For example, Song Chenglei touching Yu Wen’s hair → Xi Su stealing Yu Wen’s points.

Yu Wen looked up at the stone steps of Luming Mountain, stretching endlessly out of sight.

Yu Wen: “Is Teacher Song almost here?”

The accompanying PD opened his phone and glanced at the shared map. “The other teachers could choose different routes, with higher difficulty yielding higher point rewards. Teacher Song chose the furthest one, it will probably take a while longer.”

Yu Wen said wearily, “Please send him a message and ask for his taxi driver’s phone number.”

Accompanying PD: “You want a taxi number…”

Yu Wen: “To take a taxi home.”

I knew your show was twisted, but I didn’t expect it to be this twisted. Every challenge is clearly preparing us to become special forces.

The production team had set up parasols and supply points. Yu Wen mingled among the staff to sneakily hide in the shade. After ten o’clock, the sun became fierce, making people dizzy from the heat.

Everyone was busy, and only he was bored. Afraid of getting in the staff’s way, Yu Wen got up and strolled around near the foot of the mountain.

It was late morning on a weekday, so there weren’t many people climbing the mountain; you could say there was almost no one. He found a New Chinese-style public restroom about three hundred meters from the supply point. At first glance, it looked antique and elegant, even featuring carved wooden windows on both sides.

The inside was also very tidy, exuding an elegance that hadn’t been ruined yet. It seemed to have just been cleaned, as the air smelled of disinfectant.

Most importantly, there was air conditioning inside.

Yu Wen casually grabbed two sheets of toilet paper, went into a stall to wipe down the toilet seat, and sat cross-legged on it to play games.

Less than ten minutes later, someone came in.

Yu Wen had one earbud in. He heard it but didn’t pay it any mind.

That person entered the stall next to him, making rustling sounds, along with the sound of a backpack zipper unzipping.

A large cluster of green blocks connected on the screen. Yu Wen cleared the excess colored blocks on both sides, trying to connect even more green ones.

“Director… regarding this plot point, I have a few questions… do you have time tonight…”

An audio clip was playing next door.

The volume wasn’t loud. It had been secretly recorded from who knows where, accompanied by the rustling noise of wear and tear, occasionally stuttering and cutting out.

Yu Wen cleared a red block. Upon hearing the next sentence, his hand jerked violently, accidentally clearing a green block that was split in half.

“Oh, Chu Han.”

The green section was severed in half, leaving only seven or eight pieces, suffering heavy losses.

But Yu Wen was in no mood to feel annoyed at the moment. He exited the mini-game and took out his earbud.

Director Gao’s voice was highly recognizable. Even with completely damaged sound quality, it could be accurately identified because the tone, volume, and irritability in his speech were unique.

In the audio mixed with static, Gao Kaiyu’s voice was slightly hoarser than usual. Under the influence of the noise, it carried a bizarre gentleness.

“Alright, come find me tonight.”

Yu Wen’s brain spun rapidly.

First: Who was next door? Second: What was the intention of this audio? Third…

Why did he run into this again?

Was this a scene that required Passerby A?

During the few minutes Yu Wen was brainstorming, typing started next door. Yu Wen heard several audio clips being spliced together, turning into an ambiguous “casting couch scene.”

He furrowed his brows and opened the voice recorder on his phone.

He had run into this before. Chu “Fresh-Out-of-the-Ivory-Tower-College-Student” Han didn’t understand the ways of the world and did whatever the extra coordinator told him to do. Before the time Yu Wen intervened, he had also sought Director Gao out a few times to discuss the script. But his expression was righteous, his behavior was righteous, and neither of them thought much of it.

It wasn’t until a minor male character made his intentions for a casting couch transaction obvious and Director Gao blew up that Chu Han suddenly snapped back to his senses.

After that, he naturally never spent time alone with the director again. But if their previous conversations were leaked, snipped and pasted together, it would be extremely suggestive material.

Looks like I have to be a righteous Passerby A today, Yu Wen thought with a sigh.

He quietly moved his phone’s microphone downward, trying to get closer to the sound source from below to get a clearer recording.

Someone maliciously edits, I secretly record someone maliciously editing, we all have bright futures.

Another person walked into the restroom.

Yu Wen’s attention wasn’t on the other person at all. Instead, the audio next door suddenly paused, displaying extreme guilt.

Those few recordings had already been spliced together. Intriguing enough on their own, by slightly rearranging the order and adding the fueling power of modern technology, it would be an absolute bombshell.

Before someone came in, the stall neighbor next door was playing the finished product, admiring his own masterpiece.

As soon as someone came in, he immediately hit pause.

Yu Wen hesitated for a moment. To avoid suspicion of editing and to ensure the audio’s completeness, he decided to record the finished product together, so he didn’t stop recording.

He silently apologized to the bro peeing at the urinal.

—Sorry, I didn’t mean to record the sound of you taking a piss.

If this recording sanctions the wrongdoer in the future, I’ll have Chu Han and Gao Kaiyu send you a silk banner.

Inscribed: Apotheosized by a Single Pee.

Amen.

“Teacher Yu?” Just as he was having these chaotic thoughts, the person outside finished washing his hands, turned back, and shouted at the empty, silent restroom, “Teacher Yu, are you in here?”

Yu Wen: “…”

Oh my god.

He held his breath and focused, feeling like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. Pressing his lips tightly together, he resolved to die before answering.

That person walked over and pushed open the stall doors one by one. Pushing to Yu Wen’s stall and finding it locked, he knocked, “Bro, how long have you been squatting?”

Yu Wen: …If I could, I’d like to squat until the end of time, until the seas run dry and the rocks crumble, until mountains have no peaks and heaven and earth merge…

“Have you seen our Teacher Yu? Very thin, a very small face, a tear mole at the corner of his right eye, his whole person shining bling-bling. A young boy who looks like an artist at first glance.”

Yu Wen: …Thank you.

Seeing no answer, the person outside muttered, “Why so shy… anyway, big bro, if you see our Teacher Yu, tell him the other MCs have almost all arrived and we’re about to start recording. Tell him to hurry back, alright?”

Listening to his footsteps fading away, Yu Wen’s heart twisted with a myriad of complex emotions.

A muffled thud from next door pulled Yu Wen’s drifting thoughts back. He subconsciously pricked up his ears.

Perhaps having bumped the play button in a panic, the audio actually started playing again.

Yu Wen directly bent down, aiming his microphone at the next stall.

It was just an audio clip of about a minute.

The editing next door was fast, and he recorded it very quickly too.

When the laptop was slammed shut heavily, he had pretty much recorded the entire process.

With lightning-fast hand speed, Yu Wen backed up the recording and conveniently sent a copy to Gao Kaiyu. Halfway through the file transfer, sensing something, he raised his head.

A blue head popped out from over the top of the stall, staring at him sinisterly.

Startled by this horror-movie-like scene, Yu Wen blurted out a curse.

Yu Wen: “Holy fuck.”

Xi Su’s furrowed brows raised slightly, and he gritted his teeth: “Teacher Yu.”

Two figures burst out of the public restroom, chasing each other.

Yu Wen looked like he was walking, but he was actually running, bringing out the speed of running for his life. Using serpentine movements, he dodged Xi Su’s reaching hand.

Xi Su followed closely behind. Several times he almost grabbed the back of his collar, only for Yu Wen to slip out from under his hands like a fish.

“Fuck,” Xi Su cursed in a low voice, the sound close at hand.

Look, look, his true colors are showing, even curse words are coming out. Yu Wen was even more certain he was going to silence him with murder, power-walking into a twisting snake.

“Teacher Yu…” Xi Su seemed to want to say something.

Yu Wen: I’m not listening, I’m not listening. Fleeing first as a sign of respect!

“Oh, Teacher Yu, Teacher Xi, come quick, come quick, we’re just waiting for you.” Sharp-eyed staff members spotted their sprinting figures. The kind and genial smile on their faces radiated the brilliance of the Virgin Mary in Yu Wen’s eyes.

Saved!

For the last few steps, he stepped on the gas and bolted over.

“Teacher Chu—”

Chu Han had just stopped walking, covered in sweat, and was drinking water when a little firecracker charged down the mountain path.

Yu Wen dashed right to his side, feeling lingering fear. “Oh, Teacher Chu, it’s so good to see you.”

Chu Han was almost sent flying by the impact, the scenery before his eyes swaying along with him.

Chu Han: “I…”

I think I just saw my great-grandmother.