RSDH CH60

After experiencing the Hucang Festival, all guests were covered in mud and had to return to the homestay to shower and change clothes before going to the airport.

The production team reserved enough time for everyone.

On the way to the homestay, Duan Xingye’s words kept replaying in Cheng Duzhou’s mind.

— “…If your kindness to me can be given to others equally…”

After marriage, Cheng Duzhou hit many walls with Duan Xingye. Duan Xingye always had an appearance of “loving no one, don’t touch me.” All kindness toward him, as well as further demands, had to be packaged with appropriate excuses to stay longer beside this precious and arrogant little rose.

Duan Xingye was unwilling to give love to others, nor willing to let others love him.

So when Duan Xingye mentioned divorce, Cheng Duzhou naturally assumed he had been carried away recently, lacking restraint, allowing Duan Xingye to detect his intentions.

But Duan Xingye said it was because he gave the same kindness to others.

This was two completely different implications for Cheng Duzhou. Like being thrown into an endless abyss by Duan Xingye’s divorce sentence one second, and brilliant fireworks blooming in the darkness the next.

— Duan Xingye understood his show of goodwill. Not only did he not reject it, but he also wanted him to treat him well exclusively.

His heart was impacted by the strong satisfaction and emotion of being responded to.

Cheng Duzhou simply didn’t know what to do.

But after experiencing excitement, he felt confused and panicked.

Cheng Duzhou didn’t treat others well. Besides family, he had only treated Duan Xingye well since childhood.

It must be something he did that made Duan Xingye uncomfortable, thus causing a misunderstanding.

Cheng Duzhou wiped his fingers with a wet wipe, frowned slightly, and pushed the door open to enter the room.

Duan Xingye only returned a step ahead of Cheng Duzhou, looking for a change of clothes in front of the suitcase.

When Cheng Duzhou entered, he didn’t even look up. The jacket Cheng Duzhou lent him earlier was lying paralyzed on the floor nearby.

Their overall suits had been collected by the production team. The private clothes they wore had mud on every corner and edge, needing a major wash.

Cheng Duzhou keenly sensed the signal shielding him around Duan Xingye. He walked to the table, unscrewed a bottle of mineral water, and pretended to drink.

Duan Xingye picked up his clothes and stood up. Seeing he was about to enter the bathroom ignoring him, Cheng Duzhou’s deep voice rose slightly: “Is it because of that bath towel?”

Duan Xingye glanced at him, his snow-white face cold: “What?”

Cheng Duzhou said, “I gave the last bath towel to that kid.”

Duan Xingye withdrew his gaze with a look of “too lazy to deal with you,” continuing to walk to the bathroom.

Cheng Duzhou stepped forward to block him: “I thought you were willing, even asked for your opinion…”

“Cheng Duzhou.” Duan Xingye looked up, interrupting coldly, “Are you sure you want to talk about this with me now?”

The camera in the room was still on.

The livestream saw the couple had an unpleasant encounter but didn’t know the cause and effect.

“What happened? Was fine during recording just now.”

“That kid refers to the Tujia lad, right?”

“Shivering, feel like a quarrel is coming.”

Cheng Duzhou knew netizens were watching. Couldn’t talk to Duan Xingye now; they were public figures, private matters should be solved behind closed doors.

He looked at Duan Xingye for half a moment but stood still, lowered his head, and turned off the lavalier microphone.

Duan Xingye’s dark pupils were heavy. Something pulsed very lightly under the skin of his slender neck. Then throwing the change of clothes on the bed, he started removing his microphone.

Cheng Duzhou walked to the cabinet, grabbed a shirt nearby, and covered the camera casually.

The livestream could only see a vast expanse of white with light shining through; as for sound, nothing could be heard.

Never having seen such a tense atmosphere between the two, the audience also became anxious.

Cheng Duzhou threw the microphone on the bed, continuing the conversation from just now: “He is a fan, in the same group as us. You taking care of him, me taking care of him, both out of politeness. Proposed giving the bath towel to him because I knew there was a jacket. My jacket can be worn by you, but not by him.”

Duan Xingye pursed his lips into a shallow straight line. Didn’t speak at first. Until dismantling the microphone with almost tangled wires completely, slapping it on the table with a pa, he looked at Cheng Duzhou and said: “Trouble you not to diverge your thinking, nor think of me as so petty. I won’t fight with a fan for a bath towel. Moreover, that was a bath towel given by you; I’m not that idle.”

Cheng Duzhou blurted out: “Then why do you suddenly want a divorce?”

“?”

Turns out all that talk just now was in vain.

Duan Xingye’s neck instantly turned red with anger, raising his volume: “Do you think a bath towel is worth me making a fuss about divorce! Am I such a narrow-minded person in your heart!”

Cheng Duzhou licked his lower lip, bit it, released it, then spoke again, voice several degrees lower: “Then why. I didn’t treat others well; I’m just polite to others.”

The red on Duan Xingye’s neck spread to his pretty white chin. His chest heaved obviously, a few times, restrained. Crossing his arms, leaning against the table behind him, his voice tended to be calm, tone still a bit impulsive: “I know you like me, don’t want a divorce.”

Cheng Duzhou seemed to lose his footing, taking half a step back. Eyelashes blinked rapidly twice. Under the sunlight penetrating through the wide-open window edge, the panic and helplessness bursting forth in his expression were visible at a glance.

Duan Xingye pulled the corner of his lips, hmphing: “You didn’t think I couldn’t see it, right?”

Looking at Cheng Duzhou’s reaction, seemed he didn’t want him to see it yet.

Cheng Duzhou’s breath tightened, jawline also a bit tight. All emotions were gathered and hidden in his deep, bottomless dark eyes. He clenched his fingers, stuffed both hands into his pockets, straightened his back, the whole person seemingly taller. Even with mud on his hair and collar, it didn’t damage his handsome appearance.

“And then?” His voice was calm, asking, “Does liking you make you feel dirty or burdened?”

Duan Xingye’s upturned eyes were cold and clear: “No need to be sarcastic with me, because that’s not the point.”

Cheng Duzhou pursed the corner of his lips.

Who exactly is being sarcastic?

Even rejecting someone’s liking, normal people would speak properly. Only Duan Xingye would mockingly say “You didn’t think I couldn’t see it, right?”, full of high-and-mighty superiority.

Cheng Duzhou’s heart twisted into a knot, but his emotions remained stable: “Then please tell me, what is the point.”

Duan Xingye said, “Liking me is your business; I don’t need to be responsible for your emotions. Not wanting a divorce is also your business; I don’t need an extra person to look after in my life. As for you, rich and handsome, no need to worry about the status of a twice-married man lowering your grade. You can find another…”

A small sour bubble rose in his throat, pausing only for a moment before bursting, continuing: “Find someone who can cherish your feelings. Divorcing is easier for everyone.”

Veins popped on Cheng Duzhou’s wrist. He said, “I don’t need your advice. I just want to know, will you find another?”

Almost blurted out none of your business without thinking.

Duan Xingye closed his mouth, enduring for a moment.

Since words had come to this point, might as well clarify. There was no resentment between him and Cheng Duzhou. Even if divorced, it wouldn’t erase nearly twenty years of childhood friendship; still friends in the future.

Cheng Duzhou wasn’t scummy, wasn’t bad, had no betrayal behavior, was a dutiful good husband. Reaching the step of divorce wasn’t Cheng Duzhou’s problem at all.

“You know my situation.” Duan Xingye looked slightly tired, saying, “I have a natural distrust of marriage.”

If dragged into a relationship impossible to trust, maintaining vigilance all the time, he would eventually exhaust himself internally.

“Don’t talk about distrusting marriage. If marriage scares you, then we won’t marry in this lifetime.” Cheng Duzhou’s tone suddenly became heavy, voice raised, faintly unable to suppress excited emotions. “You just distrust me. If not because of that bath towel, then where did I do wrong to make you want to leave!”

“…”

Are you stupid! Still talking about the bath towel!

Duan Xingye gritted his teeth, but because of Cheng Duzhou’s sentence “then we won’t marry in this lifetime,” the red on his chin quickly permeated his snow-white cheeks.

He put down his hands, stood straight, provoked into high emotions by the other party’s intense attitude, quarreling:

“Cheng Duzhou, don’t give me that ‘love after marriage’ set! I just don’t believe in this kind of inexplicable feeling, understand? We didn’t just meet when getting married. If you liked me, you would have liked me long ago. Insist on waiting until getting the certificate, sleeping with the person to have feelings, right? Then actually, it’s the same whoever you marry; it’s not like it has to be me. If you like me and treat me well because you married me and want to be a dutiful husband, then it’s really unnecessary. Because whoever marries you can have your love, your kindness. I don’t care for it! On what grounds should I accept?”

Duan Xingye finished in one breath, still panting heavily.

“What are you saying?”

Cheng Duzhou’s eyebrows drooped very lightly, tilting his head, looking like he was about to cry.

“I liked you long ago ah, what else do you want?”

“…”

Duan Xingye happened to lift a breath, held it. Dark pupils stared at Cheng Duzhou unblinkingly. For an instant, it was so quiet as if the earth stopped rotating.

Cheng Duzhou’s eye rims turned red, saying: “I’m not someone anyone can have (a husband for everyone), nor thought about marrying others. If not you, I wouldn’t marry. Do you think my liking is mass-produced on an assembly line? You can insult me, but please don’t insult my feelings.”

“…………”

While speechless, waves of heat surged into Duan Xingye’s heart. He pretended nothing happened, leaning one hand on the table edge nearby, a bit stimulated.

Liked him long ago.

How early?

Duan Xingye suddenly recalled the guest interview before All the Way With You aired. After he left the recording studio, Cheng Duzhou said sixteen years old facing the camera.

Thinking of this, goosebumps rose.

At this time, Cheng Duzhou walked toward him.

Duan Xingye retreated a step like a stress reaction: “What!”

Outside the room, Old Xu was about to raise his hand to knock, startled by the sudden high-pitched voice coming out.

Because the camera was blocked, he sent a message inquiring on his phone, but neither responded. Worried, he came to check.

Listening to the voice now, really quarreling. He thought for a moment, put down his hand, and left quietly.

In the room, Cheng Duzhou stopped, glanced at Duan Xingye unwillingly, turned around somewhat sullenly, and sat on the bed aside.

He knew it; once everything was revealed, this person started guarding against him.

Duan Xingye stood close to the table, expression changing for a moment. Clearing his throat, his tone finally softened; listening closely, there was still a trace of unnaturalness: “I’ll take what you said just now as bullshit.”

“…” Cheng Duzhou looked up in disbelief, angry. “I told the truth!”

“Bullshit!” Duan Xingye grabbed a tissue box nearby and threw it hard. “Then why didn’t I see it before!”

Cheng Duzhou caught the box neatly, face flushed red due to some emotion.

The two stared at each other without giving way, same burning gazes, so the atmosphere stalemated.

After a long time.

Still Cheng Duzhou lowered his head first, deep voice stiff: “Let you see it, then be taken as a joke for gossip by your group of rich second generations.”

“You…” Duan Xingye’s breath heaved violently. “Do you hate the rich? What did my group of friends do to you? Besides, if you like me, whose business is it? Does it concern them?”

“You don’t think I’m embarrassing?” Cheng Duzhou looked up, with a hint of questioning meaning. “Didn’t you play with them?”

“…”

Memory reviving, Duan Xingye admitted he was very close to that group of friends for a while, ignoring Cheng Duzhou.

But that was eight years ago in high school. This local dog was digging up old accounts with him.

Duan Xingye held back the temper about to explode: “Me playing with them doesn’t mean I find you embarrassing. How do you think.”

“Then you…”

Cheng Duzhou suddenly lost courage, trembling a bit, the latter words silencing directly. Head drooping, hands quickly pulling several tissues.

Duan Xingye took a deep breath, showing unprecedented patience: “Speak if you have something to fucking say.”

“Then you…” Cheng Duzhou seemed hard to speak, as if uncovering some painful past event, even the tip of his nose turned red. “Then why didn’t you take me when eating stir-fried rice cakes?”

“??????”

There was someone named Jiang Siqi among Duan Xingye’s friends, tall and handsome, with an exaggerated personality.

Once Cheng Duzhou was on duty, leaving school late. Jiang Siqi came from another class to find Duan Xingye.

Duan Xingye had left long ago.

Jiang Siqi entered the classroom, leaned back, sitting on the lockers behind. A necklace shining with white light hung from his hand, dangling in front of Cheng Duzhou: “Good looking or not? Birthday gift for Xiao Duan, five figures. Is this friendship genuine or not? By the way, what do you plan to give this year? Another fountain pen?”

The previous year, the gift Cheng Duzhou gave was a fountain pen.

Cheng Duzhou ignored him.

Jiang Siqi put away the necklace, smiling: “Actually a fountain pen is not bad either, at least know to give back. Seems Xiao Duan didn’t raise you in vain usually.”

At that time, Cheng Duzhou was still holding a broom. He could have beaten Jiang Siqi into the hospital, but because he didn’t want to pay medical bills, nor wanted to trouble his parents, he let it go.

At that time, Cheng Duzhou’s mentality hadn’t collapsed yet. For a whole month later, he worked part-time as a tutor outside to buy a gift.

What truly made his mentality collapse was that day setting up a stall for an educational institution at the mall entrance. Duan Xingye ate stir-fried rice cakes with Jiang Siqi’s group. clearly seeing him through the glass, yet pretending not to see.

…

Cheng Duzhou didn’t mention Jiang Siqi showing off in front of him, only reminding the time and the mall selling stir-fried rice cakes.

Duan Xingye remembered there was such a thing, then fell silent.

So it was his evasive attitude at the time that hurt Cheng Duzhou’s still tender self-esteem.

Tsk…

Things that year were a bit complicated, but he received the gift from seventeen-year-old Cheng Duzhou.

Duan Xingye felt upset and chaotic, pulling a chair beside the table to sit down.

He understood. What made Cheng Duzhou feel class discrimination was definitely not just the stir-fried rice cake incident, but this incident broke Cheng Duzhou’s defense most severely. So much so that mentioning it years later, he still felt aggrieved.

Because the two grew up together, Duan Xingye took for granted their living situations were the same, unable to put himself in Cheng Duzhou’s shoes. The accumulation of those small events he didn’t know about built a protective wall in Cheng Duzhou’s heart, thinking he looked down on him just like those rich second generations, so always hiding his liking, daring not express.

“…”

Duan Xingye propped his cheek with one hand, wanting to wait for Cheng Duzhou to calm down before speaking.

Cheng Duzhou’s eyelashes were wet, tissues torn in his hand, whispering: “On what grounds eating stir-fried rice cakes without me… am I not your best friend…”

“…………”

Duan Xingye couldn’t stand it anymore. Standing up abruptly, walking in front of Cheng Duzhou, shouting: “It was my fault back then, okay!”

Cheng Duzhou lowered his head rubbing his eyes with his hand, nodding slowly.

Duan Xingye: “…”

He hadn’t even started coaxing, and the local dog indicated he was fine again.

Duan Xingye’s thoughts were still chaotic. Just didn’t know where to start—whether to sort out Cheng Duzhou liking him since childhood first, or continue talking about divorce.

Right at this moment, Cheng Duzhou reached out to hug his waist, burying his face in his abdomen.

Duan Xingye stiffened but didn’t move. Lowering his eyes, seeing the solidified mud on Cheng Duzhou’s hair.

Cheng Duzhou’s voice was muffled: “I know. Before giving the bath towel, I should have asked if you were cold first.”

“…”

Fuck.

Beg you not to mention the bath towel again.

Cheng Duzhou said, “If you were cold, I would hug you, then give the bath towel to someone else.”

Duan Xingye said, “…You let go first.”

“I like you.”

Cheng Duzhou suddenly said, voice very light.

Caught off guard, Duan Xingye inhaled, soft abdomen contracting a bit.

Cheng Duzhou’s voice rose a bit, saying, “I like you the most.”

Duan Xingye’s face heated up, tone somewhat fierce: “Shut up!”

Cheng Duzhou looked up at this time, looking at him with a handsome face upturned. Eye corners moist and red; one eyelid just rubbed, deeper than the other. Pitch-black eyes looked at him full of trust like this, saying: “I treat you best in the world; do you want me or not?”

“…”

Duan Xingye pursed his lips tightly, inner heart filled with noisy restlessness, but hands really wanted to knock his dog head, pull his dog ears.

__

Author’s Note:

Teacher Duan hands itching: Want to strangle this little dog thing.