UCTOOT CH71.2

Shi Shu turned his face away and walked with Xie Wuchi to Jinlan Villa. Rumor had it that this was a lavish garden estate built over decades by a prominent aristocratic family. Before Dasheng Prefecture fell, a member of the Beimin royal family had lived here. Now, that royal had quietly escaped through the back door long before the battle even reached the city, leaving the Beimin soldiers behind to fight a bitter war. Jinlan Villa hadn’t been touched by the fires of war. Blanketed by the heavy snow of the past few days, the ornate pavilions and jade-like terraces looked elegant and deeply refined amid the falling snowflakes.

Shi Shu was confined to a courtyard. After waiting for a long time, Du Zihan finally arrived, hauling several bags. As soon as he walked in, he looked around in awe. “Oh my god, are we living here?”

Shi Shu replied, “Yeah. Xie Wuchi made it big. He captured Dasheng Prefecture. From here on out, he’ll probably just keep getting promoted.”

Du Zihan set their luggage down and said, “On my way here, I saw the Dajing army killing people—”

Shi Shu interrupted, “That’s how it is. The city is about to be massacred.”

Du Zihan’s eyes widened. He stood in stunned silence for a long time before remembering to ask, “Where is Brother Xie?”

“He achieved a massive military merit. People are already kissing up to him and bringing him gifts. He went to a victory banquet with Zhao Shirui.” Shi Shu took his bag and opened it to check his belongings. There were only a few pieces of clothing, a cotton quilt, and a few pieces of broken silver. This was practically everything Shi Shu owned in this world.

Shi Shu muttered, “Laifu.”

Du Zihan asked, “What’s wrong?”

“And Laifu.” Shi Shu turned to look at Du Zihan. “Zhang Tong’s death was connected to Xie Wuchi. They met a long time ago. Zhang Tong killed himself early so that he wouldn’t expose the fact that you are a transmigrator.”

Du Zihan’s eyes bulged, his words tumbling out incoherently. “What! What! He? He…”

Shi Shu said, “We have to leave. It’s only a matter of time before Xie Wuchi kills you. I don’t believe a single word he says anymore.”

Du Zihan was still struggling to process it. “How could this happen? I knew he was intimidating and ruthless, but why? Did Zhang Tong really…? No wonder… No wonder he avoided me during that time… People said someone came looking for him, and I thought it was his friend. I never thought in this direction… Should I… Should I get revenge?”

Shi Shu asked, “Do you want to get revenge?”

Du Zihan stammered, “I couldn’t do it… I don’t have that kind of ability. I can’t do anything.”

“Leave with me. Zhao Shirui’s army is not a righteous one. Are there any righteous armies left in this world? People who actually fight for the commoners? I thought Xie Wuchi’s actions achieved that, but they didn’t. I want to know. I want to go find out,” Shi Shu said.

Du Zihan looked at him, his eyes turning red. “I’ll go with you.”

Shi Shu folded his clothes and placed them neatly back into his bundle. As he warmed himself by the fire, he thought about it carefully. Xie Wuchi really hadn’t wronged him. In fact, he had kept Shi Shu well-fed and allowed him to sit by a warm fire on a freezing snowy day—a much better fate than the corpses currently filling the ditches out in the freezing snow.

But perhaps because he had always relied on Xie Wuchi and lived in his shadow, Shi Shu had lost his sense of self and missed out on the tempering and polishing that came from surviving the harsh realities of the world.

Shi Shu rested his chin in his hand. The firelight danced across his fair face. The boy’s features were distinctly bone-structured yet soft, looking incredibly elegant and carefree.

As Shi Shu absentmindedly poked at the fire with the tongs, he accidentally pulled some burning embers onto himself.

Du Zihan quickly swatted the fire out for him. “Put it out, put it out! Holy crap, what were you thinking about?!”

Shi Shu was startled for a moment before calming down. “I was just thinking.”

The moment he thought of Xie Wuchi, tears fell once again. Shi Shu wiped them away. “I always treated him as my best friend, but this was how he viewed me from the very beginning. But he is also very… he…”

Shi Shu rubbed his face vigorously, wiping the moisture clean. “I’m wondering if I should say a few final words to him.”

Du Zihan was silent for a long time. “He likes you, doesn’t he?”

“I don’t know.”

Du Zihan said, “Think about it yourself. Have you decided to leave? If so, don’t say too much. It will only be torture for both of you.”

The dampness on Shi Shu’s face was dried by the fire’s heat. “You make a good point.”

As the two sat there, Shi Shu suddenly heard a flurry of cheerful barking. “Woof, woof, woof!” He stood up abruptly. A soldier was leading Laifu into the courtyard. The moment the leash was released, Laifu sprinted wildly toward Shi Shu.

“Woof, woof, woof! Woof, woof, woof!”

Shi Shu caught him firmly, pulling the dog into his arms. “Laifu!”

The soldier reported, “Lord Xie asked us to bring the dog, along with a basket of cats. He said the Second Young Master was raising them.”

Shi Shu understood. He turned to look at Du Zihan. “A galloping horse raising dust just to win a smile… I can’t believe it’s my turn for this kind of treatment.”

Du Zihan replied, “That’s incredibly thoughtful. He was afraid you’d be lonely, so he actually had someone bring Laifu all the way from Sen Prefecture.”

Shi Shu’s heart grew eerily quiet. “Perfect timing. Perfect.”

As evening approached, the thick clouds in the distance dimmed. Servants inside the house had lit the stoves and were busy preparing the meal. Knowing they had been cooking since the afternoon, Shi Shu guessed the dinner would be lavish, but he was still taken aback when people joyously brought out the dishes, announcing a barrage of delicacies: “Young Master Xie, here is Smoked Goose, Thousand-Li Water Shield Soup, Drunken Spare Ribs, Lion’s Head Meatballs, West Lake Vinegar Fish…”

Just as Shi Shu was staring at the feast on the table, Xie Wuchi walked through the courtyard under an umbrella held by an attendant, emerging from the wind and snow. He wore dark, embroidered martial attire. His figure was noble and upright, his hair gently fluttering in the snowy gale.

Xie Wuchi stepped through the doorway, using his slender fingers to lift the door curtain. When Laifu saw him, the dog padded over, wagging his tail.

Shi Shu lowered his head, and Du Zihan rubbed his forehead. Shi Shu didn’t look up until he felt a shadow fall completely over him.

“Did you forget again what day it is today?”

Shi Shu always forgot everything when he was busy. Hearing this, he finally realized. “Oh.”

“We will stay in Dasheng Prefecture for a few days before returning to Sen Prefecture. I had Laifu brought over first to keep you company.”

“Okay,” Shi Shu said. “I happened to be missing him. Even though someone was taking care of him, it’s hard to be at ease when it’s not a familiar face.”

Du Zihan stood up. “My stomach hurts a little. Where am I sleeping? I’m going to bed early. You two take your time eating, I won’t disturb you.”

Shi Shu watched him enter the adjoining wing room before retracting his gaze. Xie Wuchi sat down and said, “Eat. You’ve been following the logistics unit lately, braving the wind and sleeping out in the open. You’ve lost quite a bit of weight.”

Shi Shu picked up his chopsticks, then set them back down. He looked up at Xie Wuchi’s face. “You.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You are truly strange,” Shi Shu said.

Xie Wuchi placed a spare rib into Shi Shu’s bowl with his chopsticks and nodded. “I want to apologize to you.”

Shi Shu said, “You saved my life back at Zhoujia Village. It was only right that I treated you well after that. Part of it was indeed to repay my debt of gratitude. Let’s just say that by walking these three thousand miles with you, everything has been settled.”

Xie Wuchi stared at him. “Do you hate me?”

Shi Shu shook his head and smiled. “I don’t hate you. I actually understand you quite well.” In his eyes, Xie Wuchi wasn’t exactly living a happy life either.

Xie Wuchi took his hand, looking deeply into his eyes. “Be with me. Stay by my side forever. Can you love me?”

Shi Shu looked back at him, slowly picked up his chopsticks, and averted his gaze. “I need time.”

It seemed Xie Wuchi had not yet considered the possibility that Shi Shu might actually leave.

“Let’s eat. I’m a bit tired and I don’t want to talk about this today.” Shi Shu placed some food into Xie Wuchi’s bowl. “You eat more too. I’m going to sleep right after eating; I haven’t had a good night’s rest these past few days.”

Xie Wuchi was already sitting intimately close beside Shi Shu. He covered Shi Shu’s left hand with his own, the gesture carrying a deliberate, erotic undertone. “Sleep with me?”

Shi Shu shifted his gaze. He originally wanted to say something, but swallowed the words back down. “Whatever. I don’t care.”

Inside, Shi Shu felt incredibly calm. Perhaps because he had never truly lost his temper at Xie Wuchi, the man had no idea what mood he was actually in right now. That was for the best.

They quickly finished the meal. After washing up, the moment Shi Shu walked into the bedroom, Xie Wuchi pulled him into an embrace. Shi Shu didn’t dodge, allowing him to kiss his earlobes and the nape of his neck.

Xie Wuchi was quite pitiful, too.

But thinking carefully about it, it was more appropriate to pity himself. Xie Wuchi was about to ascend to the heavens in a single bound, soaring upward on staggering military merits, while Shi Shu was so poor he practically owned nothing but a pair of underpants, with no idea where his future lay. A thought flashed through Shi Shu’s mind: What if I just pretended not to see through Xie Wuchi’s actions? If I treated his manipulation like it had nothing to do with me, couldn’t I just follow along, enjoy wealth and glory, and never have to suffer the freezing wind again?

And what would life be like if he left? Farming, wandering, and most importantly, lacking even a psychological pillar to lean on.

If only he had never met Xie Wuchi. At least then he would still have the naive courage to live on his own. Knowing him had actually made him fearful of an uncertain future.

Xie Wuchi cupped Shi Shu’s face with one hand and rubbed his nose affectionately against his. “I made you suffer these past few days. I shouldn’t have put you in the logistics unit, forcing you to deal directly with life and death. Did it traumatize you?”

Shi Shu shook his head. “It’s fine.”

No sooner had he spoken than his lips were sealed. By the time they parted, Shi Shu was panting, his ears flushed red. A silver thread of saliva lingered on his lips, some trailing down to his jaw. Keeping his eyes locked on Xie Wuchi, he used a handkerchief to wipe his chin clean.

Xie Wuchi’s pitch-black eyes observed him intently. Tonight, Shi Shu had been exceptionally silent and had avoided meeting his gaze. Xie Wuchi asked, “Are you still angry?”

“I’m sleepy.” Thinking of something, Shi Shu added, “You were right. Making someone change is a very difficult thing, whether it’s changing someone else or changing yourself.”

Xie Wuchi stared at him. “Shi Shu.”

“I’m going to sleep.” Shi Shu lay down on the bed. “Maybe one day you’ll realize I’m not that great either. It’s better to just be yourself. I can tell you’re a proud, favored son of heaven. You’ve never apologized to anyone before, so even if you’re being sincere now, it still feels entirely wrong. I don’t need this kind of psychological comfort.”

Outside the window, the blizzard had finally stopped. Shi Shu closed his eyes. He knew Xie Wuchi wasn’t asleep; he could feel the man silently watching him in the dark. Shi Shu stopped trying to imagine other outcomes, because from beginning to end, the answer resting in his heart was the best one. No matter how enticing the results of logical reasoning might seem, it wasn’t what he truly wanted.

Halfway through the night, Shi Shu woke up. He was exhausted, and sure enough, Xie Wuchi was completely exhausted too, fast asleep while holding him securely.

Taking advantage of the faint light, Shi Shu quietly rummaged through his bundle and pulled out the specialized wire ropes Song Sinan had given him. Among the various medicine bottles, there was also a heavy sleep-inducing sedative. Shi Shu tossed the pills aside, clicking his tongue mentally. No wonder Lu Xun abandoned medicine for literature. When too many people die, even a doctor can’t save them all.

Shi Shu sat at the head of the bed. Xie Wuchi was sleeping profoundly. Shi Shu slipped the wire rope around his wrist. Xie Wuchi didn’t stir; his eyes remained shut in deep slumber. Shi Shu then sat by the table, pondering over what parting words to leave. He should probably say something. They had known each other for a year; it shouldn’t end in an absolute, bitter rupture.

Shi Shu sat there waiting for dawn, until the snow ceased and the morning light poured in, chasing the darkness from the room. Shi Shu carefully scrutinized Xie Wuchi’s face. His features were sharp and undeniably handsome. His eyes naturally looked very cold, but when brimming with affection, they could be considered gentle—even if, toward Shi Shu, it was like winking at a blind man. He was gorgeous, had a great body… it was just impossible to ever know what he was actually thinking.

“Tsk… my head hurts.”

Shi Shu’s mind was a mess, his head splitting. He barely managed to string together a few decent parting words, preparing to say them when the time came.

Unexpectedly, Xie Wuchi suddenly woke up. He lifted his eyelids amidst the pillows and blankets. Realizing that one of his wrists was bound to the bedframe by a wire rope, he looked up. There was a fleeting moment of pure surprise. His eyes were bloodshot.

“Shi Shu.”

Caught completely off guard by this sudden awakening, Shi Shu forgot every word he had prepared. He simply stood up. “Xie Wuchi, I forgot to tell you. I’m not angry with you. I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going?”

Shi Shu picked up his bundle. “I don’t know where I’m going. The Dajing empire isn’t small. I can go anywhere. Whenever I see a place that looks pleasing to the eye, I’ll stop. Maybe I’ll be like Xu Xiake and travel the world, that’s possible too.”

Xie Wuchi’s expression remained somewhat calm. He sat up, using his free hand to work at the knot. “Listen to me, the outside world isn’t that great. You don’t have any money on you. If you leave, you won’t have a good life. Staying with me is better for you.”

Shi Shu couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Hahaha! I knew you would say something like that. Don’t worry, I will live very well.”

Silence.

Those words seemed to tear something wide open. Xie Wuchi’s face turned completely pale in an instant. His free hand tore at the wire knot with violent aggression. “Why are you leaving? Why?”

Seeing the iron wire bite directly into his flesh, drawing streams of blood, Shi Shu dropped his smile. “You won’t be able to break free by yourself. I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m leaving now. Laifu is coming with me.”

He had thousands of words in his head, and Shi Shu deeply regretted forgetting everything he had wanted to say. But the moment he took a single step, he heard a massive crash behind him.

Crash! Bang!

Shi Shu’s heart leaped into his throat. He snapped his head back. Xie Wuchi was walking forward, his left hand tied dead to the bedpost. Because his sheer strength was so immense, the entire heavy wooden canopy bed was being dragged across the floor. But this type of wire rope was infamous for tightening the more you struggled. The iron wire embedded deep into the flesh of his hard-boned wrist, slicing through the skin and muscle. Blood gushed like a fountain.

“Shi Shu, if you have something to say, we can talk about it slowly. Why are you leaving?”

“There’s nothing left to say,” Shi Shu replied. “I don’t want to change myself, and I don’t want to change anyone else.”

Seeming to hear the absolute, unyielding resolve in his voice, Xie Wuchi’s tone fractured. “Shi Shu, can you just not go?”

Shi Shu pulled his gaze away from the bloodless face and stepped backward. With every step he retreated, Xie Wuchi’s voice grew clearer.

“I like you.”

“Shi Shu, I like you.”

“I love you.”

His eyes completely red, staring obsessively at Shi Shu, crimson blood poured from Xie Wuchi’s wrist, quickly soaking his palm and dripping steadily down his fingertips.

Xie Wuchi stepped forward again, dragging the bed with him. “What did I do wrong… I’ll… change… Don’t go… Shi Shu, I don’t want to lose you…”

The binding on his wrist pulled tighter and tighter. Shi Shu only knew that if he didn’t leave right this second, Xie Wuchi would completely sever his own hand. His mind a blur, Shi Shu spun around, grabbed his bundle, and broke into a dead sprint out the door.

The doorway was bright. Fine snow was swirling in the air; it had started snowing again without him noticing.

“How did it go?” Du Zihan was waiting outside and caught Shi Shu’s urgent look. The two ran out to the gate where the horses were tied. Shi Shu hurriedly tossed a sentence at the guards—”Quick, go inside and check on your Lord Xie!”—and bolted.

The horses sprinted furiously through the city. On both sides were burning houses and reveling soldiers. The agonizing screams of the captives and the ecstatic cheers of victory wove together in the fine snow, creating a surreal, macabre dreamscape. Laifu barked loudly, struggling valiantly to chase after the horses. Shi Shu gripped the reins tightly, the coarse ropes burning the palms of his hands. The howling wind whipped past his ears, but his mind was utterly consumed by the words Xie Wuchi had whispered to him: Shi Shu, be brave. Be brave.

He didn’t know how long or how far they rode. It wasn’t until they galloped madly out of the city gates that Shi Shu’s eyes finally stopped reflecting the blood dripping from Xie Wuchi’s wrist—dripping, pooling, and hitting the floor.

And one last drop fell from the corner of his own eye.

Spring, the eleventh year of Taikang.

Zhao Shirui shattered the Yuantulu division of Beimin’s Cha River defense line, conquered Dasheng Prefecture, and reclaimed the birthplace of the Jing Dynasty.

The creaking sounds of supply carts rolled slowly along the shadowed mountain paths. As the men walked with grain rations on their backs, they chatted excitedly. “This victory is firstly due to General Zhao’s bravery, and secondly because of the Vengeance Army vanguard’s snowy night raid that cut off the enemy’s supply lines… And thirdly, it’s because that Lord Xie, who was dismissed during the new policy reforms, just so happened to be exiled to Sen Prefecture! He was the one who orchestrated all this and secured the victory!”

“This Lord Xie is truly a blessing to the common people and a boon to the state!”

“With him advocating for war, reclaiming the three prefectures and six provinces lost by Dajing is right around the corner! While I’m still alive, I might actually get to go back to my hometown and burn some joss paper at my old mother’s grave…”

Shi Shu walked among the traveling convoy, Laifu trotting right beside him. Orioles sang their sweet melodies, fluttering gracefully through the forest. It was a rare, beautiful day. The warm sunlight filtered through the sparse branches and landed on Shi Shu’s fair, handsome face.

Shi Shu withdrew his gaze and said, “The trees are budding. Spring is coming.”

Du Zihan walked beside him. “Yeah, spring really is coming. Where are we going now?”

Shi Shu led Laifu forward and said, “Let’s just keep walking for now. I don’t know where we’ll end up. If the destination doesn’t matter, then let’s just see how far we can go.”

“Alright then!” Du Zihan happily pulled out a steamed bun, ate half of it, and fed the rest to Laifu.

Shi Shu walked forward. Not long after, he suddenly thought of something and turned his head back. Through the endless, rolling mountains, he looked toward the direction of Sen Prefecture. The place where Xie Wuchi was staying.

A moment later, Shi Shu lowered his head, adjusted his bamboo hat, and wiped his tears away.

The group continued along the supply route.

And far behind them, beacon fires rose in all directions, and war horns blared incessantly. Massive battalions of Beimin forces were rallying together, roaring and screaming for vengeance, cementing their hatred with blood. Another group of fleeing civilians scrambled frantically out of the city gates, sobbing and wailing. Blades flashed, blood splattered, and the victors’ carnival of slaughter and pillage raged on.

A few figures, the masters manipulating these cities, stood atop the tower in the setting sun, overlooking the entire war-torn land.

One pair of those eyes gazed steadily southward, as if searching for something across ten thousand rolling mountains.