TBR CH251

You Lin was calmer than he had imagined.
“I don’t remember your face,” he asked. “What was your father’s name?”

Irina said a name. The name belonged to an honest, steady, and hardworking man. You Lin could almost see him standing there just from the name, though the list that recorded it had already been burned. The man’s final, savage and distorted face overlapped with Irina’s, and You Lin slowly blinked. “He mentioned he had a talented daughter.”

“That’s me.”

Some people could knock on the gates of “Eden,” while others were not deemed worthy of living.
Irina said, almost urgently, “So, I left that place with my father’s letter. When they released that news about you… later I met Hugo, joined the ‘Home of Wanderers,’ and accidentally annoyed the people from Eden. Hugo always felt it was his fault, but it wasn’t. People like us were all thorns in their side.”

“Oh my god, Irina,” Hugo sounded touched. “You guys really don’t have to comfort me like this…”

“After all, I blew some guy from Eden’s head off in the last instance.”
Hugo’s words got stuck in his throat.

Irina sighed and patted his head. “I’ve said it several times, but you’ve been so distracted lately. I know the pressure they put on you has been too much since the last instance—anyway, that’s the situation. Mr. You Lin, ever since I left Eden, I’ve wanted to find you, but it wasn’t easy.”

The brown-haired boy’s reaction somewhat eased the atmosphere.
You Lin was silent for a few seconds.
These things from the past came flooding back again. Perhaps because he had already made a sufficient fool of himself in front of Charon, he was no longer so unable to face it and could completely control his emotions. He simply raised his eyes and asked directly:
“I understand. So, do you hate me because of your father?”

From the moment he remembered the name, the memory that followed was of the man’s final, pained and unwilling face. A string of curses, mixed with wails and incoherent sobs; the name he could make out from the final, wretched scream was probably his daughter’s, “Irina.”

The black-haired woman’s eyes widened, and her fingertips trembled slightly at being misunderstood.
“No, how—how could that be possible!”

Seeing her reaction, You Lin roughly understood her thoughts. No matter how she had learned the truth of the whole affair, Irina had directed her anger and hatred towards Eden. As the daughter of one of the victims, she didn’t hate him. It wasn’t a very complex deduction. You Lin had once thought that perhaps some insiders who knew the truth might stand on his side, but when it actually happened, it didn’t stir his emotions too much.

She could not forgive him on behalf of her father who had lost his life.
And he still couldn’t forgive his past self with just a few words.
Or perhaps, the real change was that he now had selfish desires. The human’s dark pupils were slightly illuminated by the sunlight from outside the cabin. He wasn’t looking at anyone, just continuing to speak calmly:
“That’s good. I don’t think you can absolve me on behalf of everyone from that time. In fact, if it were the old me, I would have agreed to pay any price for even the slightest meaning, probably ready to die at any moment… but it’s different now. Even if you all hate me and want to kill me for a just cause, for whatever reason, I will strike back without mercy, because now there is someone in this world who wants me to live.”

The person he was referring to was clearly standing beside him.
Charon tilted his head slightly, his silver-white hair reflecting a soft, fleeting glow.

Hugo had an “as expected” expression, while Irina was full of confusion. She opened her mouth, then seemed to remember something. She hastily pulled off the pendant around her neck and turned the gem on it a couple of times. The gem-made knob quickly slid open, revealing a carefully preserved sticky note.

“Uh, I’m glad the scene you just described won’t happen,” she said cautiously. “But, I’d like to refute one point… I am speaking in my father’s name. Of course he didn’t hate you; he was very grateful to you. But I can probably guess what he said at the end. I’m very sorry for that. But—”

She unfolded the note and handed it over.
“I’ve kept this for so many years.”
Apparently, even the other members of the Home of Wanderers hadn’t seen this. So Irina quickly added to her curious companions, “You can look if you want, there are no secrets here.”

You Lin’s fingertips twitched, but he didn’t take the note. The burn on his palm had healed, but the black gloves still covered every finger tightly. However, the black-haired woman cleverly shifted its direction towards the other person present—a blue-eyed AI. So Charon took the note, and You Lin could clearly see the words written on it.
Most of the handwriting was faded and crooked.

“—To my dearest Irina, my sweetheart, the treasure of my life:”
“I am so proud of you, Irina. Today is a big day, you’ve grown into a seventeen-year-old young lady. Your mother would be ecstatic if she knew… How I wish that car crash had never brought us here. Every year on this day, she would bake you a pudding cake. This year’s probably isn’t as good as hers. Heavens, I miss her so much.”
This line must have once been soaked with tears.

“—We’ve probably all had a tough time lately, but don’t worry about me, Irina. You Lin is both a good person and a great leader. We’re getting by for now, and things are getting better. You know, John, who couldn’t make it here, died. ‘Screwdriver’ is dead too. Just for the fact that I can still write to you now, I can probably never express how grateful I am. We must always be grateful to him. But I can’t imagine leaving you all alone. No matter what happens, I promise you, I will survive by any means necessary… Sometimes I worry I’ll make the wrong choice. God, please forgive us.”

Charon could read the entire note in an instant.
But he listened to You Lin’s breathing and read on, bit by bit.
“—Why are we being so sentimental? Let’s not spoil your good mood. My dearest Irina, this day belongs to you. After these few days pass, I can come visit you again. I love you. I hope you will always be like the happy bird in a fairytale, I hope you are happy and free.”

Only when the breathing beside him subconsciously quieted did Charon fold the note and return it to Irina. She carefully folded the note, signed “Dad,” and placed it back into the pendant on her chest.

“Whoa,” a member of the Home of Wanderers said. “We didn’t know before… I’m sorry you had to see this.”

“It’s okay.” Irina sniffled, then turned back to You Lin. “So I think I’m the one who needs to apologize, especially after seeing you. I was thinking, he must have tried to survive to see me by any means necessary at the end, just as he wrote in the letter. But doing so must have been wrong. Perhaps he hurt other people, or perhaps he hurt you… To be frank, I can’t pretend to know what exactly happened.”

You Lin’s face was expressionless.
His lips were pressed into a tight line. “You don’t need to make excuses for your father. He was never the one I hated.”

In a desperate situation, there was no benefit to standing by his side, while defecting could at least offer a glimmer of hope. It is human instinct to want to live, especially when you have people you care about in this world. You might be more despicable, more debased than you ever imagined, just for one possible chance.
“This isn’t an excuse,” Irina said. “He must have been very grateful to you. I wanted to tell you his true feelings.”

You Lin shook his head. “But what did I do? They all died in the end, in agony. Every single one of them had a reason to live, just because they stood by my side. It was all meaningless from start to finish.”
His voice carried a discordant sarcasm, almost like an interrogation. And the object of the interrogation was himself.

“It’s like the other people Dad mentioned. If they had stayed on Eden’s side, they would have died even sooner. Eden didn’t see them as human.”
“The outcome is no different,” You Lin said coolly.

When he lowered his gaze, his pupils no longer reflected any light, leaving only the small mole beneath his eye flickering. He let go of the pocket watch in his hand, letting it fall back into Hugo’s palm, then raised a hand and rested it on the doorframe. A dead silence fell. Irina looked at those around her with a plea for help. Hugo hastily cradled the watch. The others looked like they wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

“Miss Irina,”
It was a voice with a slight mechanical quality, its cool base tone smoothing out any incongruity. Charon asked, “I’d like to ask, when did you receive that note?”
The question was like waking a dreamer.

“The day before—” she cried out urgently. “The day before that night. I—it couldn’t have been meaningless. Any extra day of life can’t be meaningless. Dad saw me turn seventeen, he wrote me a letter saying he was proud. He still came to see me that night. These words, this note, he was standing right in front of me then. One more day of life is meaning, otherwise he wouldn’t have seen me. One more second of life is meaning, otherwise why would he have struggled until the very last moment. To be alive—how could any of it be meaningless?!”

The human slowly exhaled.
He pressed against the doorframe and turned around. The ship’s cabin door was behind him, a crack open the entire time. A narrow sliver of sunlight split his black glove into two sharply contrasting halves.
“So, do you want to live now?”
You Lin asked. “If you leave here, you will die eventually.”
Hugo fiddled with the pocket watch in his hands. “Even if we have to die, we will try our best to live.”

“That’s not what you said,” You Lin retorted. “If you want to live no matter the cost, you should stay and beg for my protection. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve disappointed many people. If you use that as a reason to make a request, I’d find it hard to refuse.”

Irina shook her head and took a firm step back.
“I didn’t say these things to prove my father’s final choice was right. It’s precisely because I understand him that I know he was wrong. His actions were both despicable and selfish. I must apologize to you on his behalf, but I will not ask for your forgiveness on his behalf. And, I will never make the same mistake, because I want to be, as he said, a happy and free person.”

She bowed to You Lin and Charon, and then the members of “the Home of Wanderers” also bowed one by one.
Their phrases of thanks and farewell were varied, their accents uneven. Hugo hesitated, then approached Charon and asked cautiously, “Should I leave the watch with you guys after all?”

The AI didn’t answer.
Because You Lin was walking towards him from the doorway, his head lowered. The grimy teenager scurried back into the crowd, while the black-haired, black-eyed young man saw himself as always in the AI’s pupils. He closed his eyes, his fingers fumbling to grip Charon’s arm, and said with a sigh:
“I’m making the wrong decision, Little AI.”

“It’s okay,” Charon said.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Have you guessed what I’ve decided to do?”
“I have not.”

You Lin opened his eyes. For an instant, that sliver of slanting sunlight from the crack in the door happened to fall right in the center of his dark pupils, illuminating every tiny dust mote before him, making them almost bright. The next second, he let go, turned around, and looked precisely at Hugo in the crowd.
The teenager immediately stood up straight.

“Leave the watch.”
“Oh, oh,” he mumbled. “I should have done that sooner.”
He once again resolutely held out the watch that had been his lifeline, and You Lin reached out, wrapping the chain around his fingers three times. As if by magic, a… candy appeared in his hand?

“An equivalent exchange,” the human’s lips curved into a smile. “But this isn’t for you.”
The candy wrapper glittered in the light from different angles. You Lin nonchalantly tucked it into Charon’s palm. The AI’s ice-blue pupils flickered. He unwrapped the candy and touched the translucent sweet to his lips, a touch of cool sweetness. Only then did the human naturally open his hand. A card fell from between them, landing in Hugo’s palm, presented before the members of “the Home of Wanderers.”
It was an “Identity Recognition ID Card.”
—The “Identity Recognition ID Card” for this M12 model household smart starship.

It took a few days for the ship to get back on track.
Thanks to it being a household starship with ample space, the conference room alone was large enough for all the members of “the Home of Wanderers” to sleep on the floor. But Charon eventually divided the ship into upper and lower sections. The previously unused lower-level rooms finally had their lights turned on again.

“Don’t be too noisy, don’t damage the ship, and don’t come to the upper level without permission,” You Lin thought for a moment and found there weren’t many other rules to set. “Oh, and the furnishings here, these pure white vases and expensive paintings…”

“We won’t break them,” swore a member with a distinctly artistic air, scratching his messy hair.

“That’s fine,” You Lin shook his head. “You can change the decor to whatever style you like. I’ve been tired of looking at them for a long time. But remember, these luxury items can be sold for points, which I’m very short on right now. Oh, and a few of you, come and familiarize yourselves with the ship’s weaponry.”
His extraordinary arsenal received praise from everyone.

The food situation was also resolved nicely. The robot waiters had worried they would have to spend more time preparing meals for so many people, but since the lower level had its own kitchen and the members of the Home of Wanderers were all excellent cooks, they not only prepared their own meals every day but also occasionally sent someone to deliver food to You Lin and Charon on the upper level. After a while, the Black Book surprisingly became the one who ran downstairs most often.
“This place is better than the entertainment center,” it commented. Music, food, art, it had it all.

Once the members of the Home of Wanderers were settled, You Lin found that life here hadn’t changed much. He and Charon still spent most of their time alone. Even… more time. And that was the problem.
He felt an increasing urge, but for some reason, he didn’t dare to act on it.

Waking up in the morning, he would see those beautiful ice-blue eyes. The human sometimes found it hard to resist the urge to lean in closer, but the nearer he got, the more flustered and uneasy he felt, his forehead practically burning.
He would scramble out of bed and dive into the armory, only then daring to cover his forehead with his fingers and recall that light kiss.

Holding hands, hugging, talking—they had done all that. But a kiss was the most important step in breaking through to the next level of their relationship. You Lin tried to tighten a screw, but his mind started to wander halfway through. That time Charon kissed him, it was because he was in a terrible state and had lost the will to live. But now, a thin barrier seemed to always exist between them, and both were careful not to break it.
Maybe it didn’t mean anything? You Lin thought. Otherwise, why would he kiss the forehead, the least romantic spot?

So where did he want to be kissed?
His thoughts drifted uncontrollably, down from the forehead. His cheeks began to heat up, then his earlobes, then the tip of his nose. It was a gradual process, and his lips held a forbidden quality even in his imagination. If Charon’s lips were pressed against his, those beautiful, iceberg-cool eyes would be infinitely close to his own, and then, the silver-white hair would cascade down his neck, and perhaps there would be a faint blue glow that appeared when he was unstable.
The more pale and colorless a place was, the more captivating it became when touched with light.

Speaking of which, although Charon had broken through his programming and had his own emotions, did he even have other concepts, like…
You Lin’s fingertips paused, and the screw slipped, rolling a few times on the floor.
He stood up and walked to the door, about to pick it up, but another pale, slender hand had already retrieved the screw. Their fingertips almost collided on the ground. You Lin snatched his hand back, the movement almost excessive.
“Little AI?”

The AI straightened up, his long, silver-white hair tied in a high ponytail that fell neatly down his back. He looked much calmer than You Lin. “It’s time for lunch.”
“You go ahead.”
Thinking about what he had just been thinking, the human couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “I’ll be right there.”

Charon stared at him for a few seconds, then lowered his eyes, hummed in agreement, and left through the doorway. The moment his footsteps sounded, You Lin immediately began to regret it. Had he been too cold just now? Would the AI care about his attitude… but if he didn’t care, would the situation actually be worse? The screw rolled off the edge of the table, and You Lin only remembered to catch it at the last second.

It was obvious what the problem was.
The human thought: He had to confess his feelings as soon as possible.
…
It sounded easy enough.
But once he decided to take it seriously, no amount of preparation seemed sufficient. Moreover, his interactions with Charon tended to become awkward. For the umpteenth time, You Lin found himself subconsciously apologizing for almost accidentally touching Charon’s fingertips, until the air was thick with a green, first-love-like, and unbearably anxious atmosphere. Just touching fingertips was enough to make his face flush and heart pound for several seconds.

“You two are definitely dating in reverse,” the Black Book said.
“We haven’t—” You Lin started to retort, but for some reason, he closed his mouth.
Just yesterday he could touch the other’s hair with complete familiarity, but today he didn’t dare lift his hand.

When sleeping in the same bed, he became more and more cautious, falling asleep later and later, but he had to carefully maintain the rhythm of his breathing. No matter how careful he was, the thought that the other person might be seeing through him completely would make his heart start to race.

“How about—” Charon lowered his eyes and asked softly, “we sleep in separate rooms for now?”
This was entirely for the sake of the human’s sleep.
But neither of them really wanted to agree to this proposal. The AI quickly began to apologize for it, while You Lin just kept saying it was fine. He raised his fingers to cover his hot face, but through the gaps, his gaze moved inch by inch. When Charon had just sat up in bed, his hair was still loose and a little messy. His neck and arms had that unique pallor of an AI, and his casual clothes were more like a uniform, perfectly outlining his waist, his proportions almost perfect.

What on earth should he do?

On Monday, as Hugo was searching for new updates on his name in the bounty system of the infinite world, he was surprised to hear a sound from the door connecting the upper and lower cabins, followed by distinct footsteps. Just as he was starting to think about which direction would be best to flee, You Lin pushed open the door to his room and sat down.
“What if I confess and he says no?” he asked.

“Do you think that’s a possibility?” Hugo said cautiously.
If You Lin’s threats weren’t so deadly, the brown-haired boy would have surely found an opportunity to play matchmaker for them—though it wasn’t even necessary, any discerning person could see there wouldn’t be a problem between them. But the human insisted on doing it himself.

The human looked at him thoughtfully, with faint shadows under his eyes, which made his small mole look somewhat dim and his gaze even gloomier. You Lin seemed to be in a terrible mood. Although he had reached a point of being torn by gains and losses, it was clear something had just happened.
Getting him to speak was a bit difficult, because the matter was clearly embarrassing.
“I was on my way to the armory. But I heard footsteps from the other end of the corridor and knew it was Little AI… uh, Charon. Then I don’t know why, but I turned around and started walking back, all the way to the cabin door, and then I fled down here in a panic. That’s why I’m sitting here now.”

“Uh,” Hugo asked, “have you thought about why?”
This drama of seeing someone at the opposite end of a hallway and choosing to take the long way around rather than risk brushing past them had happened before, but that was when he was in the third grade and had a crush on a girl.

You Lin took a deep breath:
“I’m a little scared to look him in the eyes.”

“What if he doesn’t plan to confess to me?”
On the other side, Charon rested his chin on the back of his hand. The super AI was agonizing over problems that required no thought at all. “Should I be more proactive…”
He was leaning against the sofa, though the posture didn’t make him feel any more relaxed. Coincidentally, despite being separated by two floors, the spot where he sat was directly above Hugo’s room. And across the glass coffee table, on the other sofa, a book was resting.

“Do you think that’s even a possibility?” the Black Book asked in disbelief.