SFBF CH106

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“By the way, I still have a question…”

After their embrace, Shen Qing rubbed his cheek against Gu Huaiyu’s shoulder. Staring with bright eyes at a point in the empty space, he hesitated, unsure if he should ask.

Gu Huaiyu nuzzled his ear.

His low, gentle voice exploded right next to Shen Qing’s ear. Gu Huaiyu said, “Ask.”

Shen Qing blinked again and asked, “Is your relationship with Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) really that bad?”

Gu Huaiyu: “Mm.”

Shen Qing pulled back slightly to look him straight in the eye: “Why?”

He felt that since they had already touched on the topic, he might as well get to the bottom of everything directly, saving himself the trouble of eating gossip from others later on.

Moreover, Shen Qing now understood that not overthinking, not micromanaging things, respecting others’ pasts and privacy, and not demanding others to reciprocate his love—these were good practices most of the time.

But when it came to family and lovers, occasionally it was necessary to ask more and say more.

For instance, if he had laid everything out in the open with President Gu a few months earlier, the other man wouldn’t have suffered through months of unrequited secret pining.

Even though you can only know a path by walking it, and he didn’t regret the past, having walked it, Shen Qing had gained some enlightenment and experience.

He wanted to ask and understand everything about Gu Huaiyu now. Anyway… he didn’t think Gu Huaiyu would be unwilling to tell him!

Before the other man could speak, Shen Qing noticed the boss’s face starting to pale again. He couldn’t help but push Gu Huaiyu gently. “It’s still not good for you to stand for too long. Sit down and talk.”

But Gu Huaiyu didn’t sit down. Instead, he leaned back against the back of the sofa chair.

The back of the American retro sofa wasn’t high, and President Gu’s legs were long, so with a light lean, he was practically sitting on it. After steadying his posture, Gu Huaiyu reached out to pull Shen Qing closer.

Because of his half-leaning, half-sitting posture, Shen Qing ended up stepping right between the boss’s knees.

He didn’t find anything wrong with this. On the contrary, he naturally raised his arms and draped them around Gu Huaiyu’s neck again.

“Alright.”

With both arms around his neck, having found a comfortable posture for himself, Shen Qing looked down at the boss: “You can speak now!”

Gu Huaiyu: “…”

Raising his hands to lock around the young man’s waist, he slowly opened his mouth and said, “My conflict with Gu Huaiyu… perhaps stems from the fact that I only came into this world because of him.”

Shen Qing: …

He felt that the boss was actually very suited for storytelling. This very first sentence completely hooked his appetite!

“What do you mean?” he pressed.

Gu Huaiyu: “My mother was my father’s second wife. Gu Yuan… it’s better if I call him that. Gu Yuan and his first wife had an arranged marriage. They had three children but still ended up divorcing. Later, Gu Yuan met Su Sining, who is my mother. He was instantly captivated, swearing to marry my mother and bring her into the family.”

Shen Qing: “…”

Routine internal roast: Who would have thought the old President Gu was actually quite deeply affectionate?!

It seems the Gu family is thin on familial love, but not thin on romantic love…

“Later, Gu Yuan succeeded.”

Gu Huaiyu continued, “He married Su Sining, and they were very deeply in love. Because they were so excessively in love, as the crystallization of their love, Gu Huaiyu became Gu Yuan’s favorite child.”

Shen Qing interjected: “…Then what about Duoduo and Ao-zai’s mother?”

He remembered that Duoduo and Ao-zai’s biological mother was the fourth child.

But Father Gu had three children with his ex-wife, and his crystallization of love with his second wife was the fifth child. So what about the fourth?

Gu Huaiyu said, “Fourth Sister is an illegitimate daughter my father brought back.”

Shen Qing: “…Oh.”

Uh, let’s put the ‘deeply affectionate’ thing on hold for now. Let’s not talk about that.

This old President Gu was truly a philanderer!

I originally thought that even though he was an old man on his third marriage, at least he got a marriage certificate with everyone, which could be considered starting and finishing things properly.

I didn’t expect there was also an illegitimate daughter… Hahaha, alright, he’s even more of a scumbag!

After a round of internal roasting, Shen Qing said, “…Anyway, please continue.”

Gu Huaiyu continued: “But when Gu Huaiyu was a little over a year old, he suddenly fell ill.”

Shen Qing: !

???

…

Don’t tell me it’s that kind of dog-blood melodrama trope that frequently appeared in early soap operas!

Without President Gu even needing to say the subsequent developments, he seemed to have already anticipated it…

“What illness? It couldn’t be leukemia, right?” Shen Qing still asked tremblingly.

Gu Huaiyu curled his lips and smiled, but this time the smile didn’t reach his eyes. It wasn’t the kind of smile he usually showed in front of Shen Qing at all. Instead, he revealed a mocking expression that he had rarely shown over these past years.

The large hands locked around the young man’s waist suddenly tightened.

He answered the young man’s question with a tacit admission.

Shen Qing: “…”

In this instant, he directly understood his expression.

Gu Huaiyu was mocking that pair he was supposed to call parents, and he was also mocking himself.

…

Gu Huaiyu abruptly asked him, “Do you think my name and Gu Huaiyu’s name are somewhat similar?”

Shen Qing: “…”

Yù (meet) and Yǔ (universe) really were somewhat similar…

Thinking about it carefully, it made sense. Would normal parents give two children names that were so easy to mishear and mix up?

Gu Huaiyu lowered his eyes slightly. His gaze darkened as he looked toward the floor beside them, but his outward appearance had returned to a state of calm.

“Anxious to save Gu Huaiyu’s life, they didn’t even have the mood to give me a… less perfunctory name.”

He still spoke slowly, sounding no different from usual, so calm it was as if he were recounting another person’s story.

It was just that this matter was something that would make people laugh upon hearing it, so there was still a trace of amusement in his tone.

It was mockery.

Shen Qing: “…”

Gu Huáiyǔ. Gu Huáiyù.

Almost the exact same pronunciation.

One was the all-encompassing universe (Yǔ), covering infinite possibilities, carrying his parents’ most profound, straightforward love and blessings.

But the other was merely an opportunity, a chance meeting (Yù) just so his older brother could survive.

Shen Qing: “…………”

Suddenly, Shen Qing didn’t know what to say.

He had originally thought that familial affection was thin in the Gu family, starting from the old President Gu who loved no one, which was why President Gu’s state was so silent and indifferent.

He never expected…

In the emotionally detached Gu family, Old Master Gu had actually deeply loved one child. It was a child so favored and spoiled that even Gu Huaixiang and the others were incredibly jealous of him…

Putting oneself in the shoes of the Gu family’s children, this blow was already massive enough.

You could say that Old President Gu liked Gu Huaiyu more than the other children because he was deeply in love with Gu Huaiyu’s mother—loving the house and its crow. That was a reason people could easily accept.

But as it happened, Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother) was also their child.

…

Other than the Fifth Brother, he was the only other child between the two of them.

Yet the treatment they received was worlds apart.

This blow was clearly something President Gu had endured and suffered far more heavily than Gu Huaixiang and the others!

At least Gu Huaixiang and her siblings had the protection of their biological mother. The three siblings could huddle together for warmth, and from the looks of it, they hadn’t suffered any real grievances in the Gu family.

But Gu Huaiyu…

It was as if this world had light and warmth, and the sunlight would shine on everyone—even if some got more and some got less.

Only Gu Huaiyu was the single one left behind and forgotten in the corner.

…

In an instant, Shen Qing suddenly recalled Gu Huaiyu’s hands, which could never be warmed up no matter how hard he tried.

Previously, he thought it was because of the IV drips.

But now…

Shen Qing had heard that children who weren’t loved would have cold hands and feet.

He also suddenly recalled Gu Huaiyu mentioning that when he was young, his mother had never held him.

Suddenly, a surge of anger rushed into his heart. Subconsciously, he hugged the tall but gaunt man in front of him tighter.

His throat bobbed uncontrollably. Shen Qing found it very hard to suppress his fury: “Then, then your mother… I mean, Ms. Su… since she gave birth to you, no matter the reason, she still gave birth to you. How could she treat you like that!”

When a child is sick, it’s understandable to give them more care and treat them differently. But you shouldn’t go so far as to not even hug the younger one!

The hands Gu Huaiyu had locked around the young man’s waist loosened slightly. He tilted his head back a little to look at the young man, whose eyes were red with anger, and reverse-comforted him: “Don’t be angry.”

At the same time, he explained, “It’s just that at that time, they didn’t know if Gu Huaiyu could be saved. He was constantly hospitalized. Ms. Su’s heart ached for him, and she always felt that if she treated me too well, she would be letting down her eldest son.”

“…What kind of twisted logic is that!” Shen Qing couldn’t control himself and cursed loudly. Originally, he wasn’t a refined person. It was just that his life had been too good recently, entering and exiting high-end venues, with everyone treating him with utmost respect, so his words and actions had automatically trended towards being refined.

But ultimately, Shen Qing had no intention of suppressing his anger.

After practically unleashing a string of profanities, Shen Qing barely managed to swallow his breath: “Then when she finally held you, it couldn’t have been because Gu Huaiyu recovered, right?”

Gu Huaiyu said, “No, it was on the day Gu Huaiyu could finally undergo surgery.”

“…”

Hearing “surgery”, Shen Qing’s breath hitched directly.

Gu Huaiyu said, “Gu Huaiyu needed my bone marrow. They gambled correctly; I was indeed his opportunity.”

In fact, when he was young, Gu Huaiyu didn’t know that the meaning of his existence was merely to be another person’s mobile blood bank. —His parents were too stingy to spare any time or emotion to explain these things to him.

Even though, due to limited medical conditions at the time and the unique nature of their matching, they had to drag it out until Gu Huaiyu was five years old before he could perform the bone marrow transplant for the Fifth Brother.

And by that time, Gu Huaiyu had already begun to form memories.

He remembered everything.

He just didn’t understand.

But although he didn’t understand, later on, after the Fifth Brother recovered, Gu Huaiyu relied on his own learning and investigation to find out the meaning behind his existence.

When he was young, he was just very confused. He didn’t understand why the four older brothers and sisters ahead of him didn’t need to go to the hospital, why the Fifth Brother was always in the hospital, and why he had to go to the hospital periodically.

He was also curious: did the older brothers and sisters ahead of him need to lie frequently on that cold table and have their spines pierced by people?

He didn’t understand why Mom and Dad wouldn’t hug the four older siblings either, but why he was the only one who had to endure pain on a regular basis.

He didn’t like the smell of the hospital.

…

The hands Shen Qing had draped around Gu Huaiyu’s neck moved down tremblingly. His fingertips gently pressed against the other man’s spine.

Because he was so gaunt, even through his shirt and suit, the bumps of his vertebrae could be easily felt.

Shen Qing’s fingertips suddenly trembled even more violently.

He had never had his spinal marrow extracted.

But he had heard that doing that thing was truly agonizing.

And… and twenty years ago, medical conditions were vastly different from now… He truly couldn’t imagine the pain Gu Huaiyu had suffered at that time…

“Did it hurt?”

He couldn’t speak for a long time. When he finally could, he only managed to say this one sentence.

The rims of his usually bright, affectionate almond eyes turned completely red. Shen Qing didn’t know when, but tears had flowed from his eyes.

Gu Huaiyu raised his hand and gently wiped away the tear tracks on the young man’s face, saying with a heartache of his own, “I knew that talking about this would definitely make your heart ache. That’s why I didn’t tell you before.”

He had promised him that he would tell him everything once he fully recovered.

But ultimately, he felt that these were all things of the past. There was actually no need to tell them to the young man.

Because when the day came, twenty years later, that he was notified by the hospital of his full recovery, they were already in love.

The rain had passed, and the sky had cleared. He possessed his own sunlight, and the gloom of the past had thoroughly ceased to exist.

He had thought that the young man might cry for him.

He rejoiced inwardly, his heart running hot and feverish because the young man loved him too.

But he couldn’t bear to see it.

Gu Huaiyu comforted his lover in a low voice.

But Shen Qing stubbornly pursued the question: “Did it hurt back then?”

Gu Huaiyu paused, then answered truthfully, “It was alright. When you’re a child, it’s easy to forget the pain once the scar heals. I only remember that every time I came back from the hospital, I would be weak for a very long time.”

Compared to the sharp pain that only lasted a short while, Gu Huaiyu disliked the weak feeling of being unable to control his own body much more.

Looking at the young man’s eyes, which were uncharacteristically filled with sorrow, Gu Huaiyu’s heart stirred, and he added, “Though later on, I heard people say things like, if too much spinal marrow is extracted, you’ll get myelitis, you’ll become paralyzed. So from the age of seven all the way into my teens, even though I knew spinal marrow could regenerate and wouldn’t paralyze me, I always felt that one day I would need to sit in a wheelchair.”

Gu Huaiyu said this in consideration of lightening the mood.

However, it was very obvious that he, who had never taken on the role of lightening the mood, had failed.

Shen Qing… his heart ached even more!

He hugged the other man even closer, as if he didn’t know how to press any closer to him to give him warmth. Shen Qing couldn’t do anything but hold him and cry silently.

Because he always felt that one day he would sit in a wheelchair.

So during those two years when President Gu gave up struggling and prepared to die, he truly began to never leave the wheelchair.

In a daze, Shen Qing felt that this was the real reason Gu Huaiyu always sat in a wheelchair even though he wasn’t crippled.

In the small reception room, Shen Qing stood tightly between his long legs, holding him firmly.

The embracing pair remained tranquil and speechless.

“Then what about Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother)? You saved his life, after all.” Shen Qing couldn’t let this matter go in his heart, so he asked again.

Even if Gu Huaiyu didn’t say it, he could roughly guess it—growing up in the Gu family’s environment, even the heavily favored Fifth Young Master must have grown up twisted.

After all, the grown-up Gu Huaiyu was incredibly jealous of Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother).

“The internal competition in the Gu family is very fierce,” Gu Huaiyu said.

Although Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) was heavily favored by his parents, the excessive favoritism he received caused dissatisfaction among the other siblings.

Not to mention that during the agonizingly long period of over six years of treating him, the once inseparable couple had become physically and mentally exhausted—in the second year after Gu Huaiyu’s recovery, Ms. Su and Gu Yuan actually divorced.

After the divorce, both Ms. Su and Gu Yuan formed new families. Gu Huaiyu even gained two more younger sisters in the Gu family.

Regarding this point, Gu Huaiyu had once disdainfully commented: No matter how much you loved someone in the past, isn’t it true that you can just change people at the drop of a hat?

Shen Qing also felt it was highly lamentable and ironic—since Gu Huaiyu was heavily favored because he was the crystallization of their love; loved to the point that they had to create a life specifically to provide bone marrow for the Fifth Young Master; loved to the point that out of fear of being unfair to the Fifth Young Master, they weren’t even willing to hug that child once…

Yet such rock-solid love had vanished just like that.

Leaving only a mess on the ground, and a child who was needlessly dragged and brought into this world.

How ironic.

After Gu Yuan divorced his second wife and changed wives again, Gu Huaiyu, no longer being the “crystallization of love”, didn’t have as good a life in the Gu family as before.

This could be seen from the situation after he became a vegetable later on—even Gu Yuan rarely mentioned him anymore.

His mother, Ms. Su, on the other hand, loved him to the extreme. Not only did she take him abroad and accompany his convalescence, but she also took charge of keeping his marriage partner, Best Actor Xiao, firmly tied to his side.

Here, Shen Qing wasn’t going to sing praises about moving maternal love, because Ms. Su’s love was never given to the President Gu he cared about and cherished.

…If Ms. Su could be biased and protective, then so could he!

In short, even though Gu Huaiyu was still Gu Yuan’s favorite child at the time—it took a lot of effort to save him, so there were still feelings there, and according to the old President Gu, the person he loved most would always be Ms. Su.

But later, as the third wife entered the door, Gu Huaiyu’s status in the Gu family still regressed. He probably wasn’t pranked and bullied any less by Gu Huaixiang and the others.

—When it came to pulling pranks and being unreasonable, the top three siblings in the Gu family still had some skills.

Even though he still had Gu Yuan’s bias and protection at the time, his temperament had perhaps still become twisted.

And because Gu Huaiyu was sick since childhood, his body was on the frail and small side. As he grew up and saw the handsome and outstanding Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother), he began to feel jealous.

Perhaps influenced by his parents, he had never considered Gu Huaiyu to be his brother either.

He was nothing more than his former mobile blood bank.

Unfortunately, over a decade later, the tool person not only had an outstanding appearance but was also highly capable… This was probably the reason that drove Gu Huaiyu’s twisted nature.

After all, it wasn’t just Gu Huaiyu; it was said that when Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother) was in his early twenties, he had become an existence that even the old President Gu had to look up to and try to get a piece of the pie from.

—The last time the old President Gu came to their house to cause a scene, Shen Qing had heard it with his own ears. The old President Gu had called President Gu “selfish and narrow-minded”.

Wasn’t that just becoming flustered and exasperated because he couldn’t get any benefits from President Gu?

If an elder, a biological father, acted like this, it was no wonder the other siblings were all massive suckers who always felt President Gu owed them.

Gu Huaiyu’s mentality wasn’t strong enough. As time passed, it was entirely possible that he too began to envy and hate Gu Huaiyu.

Gu Huaiyu didn’t commit to Shen Qing’s series of speculations, but the truth of the matter was indeed pretty much what Shen Qing thought.

“Then… that accident. At that time, Gu Huaiyu should have been abroad with Best Actor Xiao for a long time, right? Why were you two in the same car?”

“He came back to find me and threw a crazy fit.”

“Oh?” Shen Qing: “What happened this time?”

Gu Huaiyu looked at the young man, a bit of mockery once again appearing on his pale lips: “He said Ms. Su was depressed and unhappy abroad, and had even divorced his stepfather. …It was because Ms. Su had started to feel very sorry towards me.”

Shen Qing: “…………”

F*ck, what the hell!

So when the child was small, she didn’t care and didn’t love him, but when she got old, she suddenly looked back at the things she had done and started repenting??

Knowing full well that it might cause the two sons to continue being at odds with each other???

“With Gu Huaiyu’s broad-mindedness, he must have just exploded,” Shen Qing said darkly.

“Indeed.”

That car accident happened because Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) returned to the country in a fury. He squatted furiously at Gu Huaiyu’s company for three whole days, and then, taking advantage of the moment Gu Huaiyu took a car to go out, he violently jumped into his car.

Gu Huaiyu didn’t want to argue with him, so he gave him the duration of the journey to listen to what he wanted to say.

Gu Huaiyu was very angry and very agitated. He kept saying that Gu Huaiyu was nothing more than a byproduct of his. Without him, Gu Huaiyu, their parents would never have given birth to him at all. Yet in the end, the one whose health was poor and had to take medicine year-round was him, the Fifth Brother.

The one lacking a brilliant brain, exceptional IQ, and handsome appearance was him!

Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) couldn’t compare to Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother) in anything.

So much so that the person Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) liked finally fell in love with Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother).

And the mother who would have given up her life for him, ultimately began to miss Gu Huaiyu (the Sixth Brother) too!

And then the car accident happened. The car was sent flying by a heavy truck that had lost its brakes.

Inside the cabin where all the glass had been shattered, amidst the permeating dust, the last thing Gu Huaiyu heard Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) say was that he should never have come into this world.

“…And then you agreed with his words?”

Standing face-to-face, Shen Qing subconsciously touched the boss’s face.

In the past, Gu Huaiyu touched him more often. President Gu’s face was too pale and carried a lofty, intrinsic nobility that made people subconsciously avoid the brunt of his presence.

Even though Shen Qing was already this familiar with him, he had never proactively touched his face.

But now, it was as if a thick shell on the other man’s body had broken, making Shen Qing subconsciously caress his pale, bloodless skin. Just like how he used to comfort Duoduo, or tease Ao-zai, the movement was very light but very warm.

And as his fingertips gently stroked past, Gu Huaiyu also tilted his head up slightly more.

As if enjoying a spring breeze brushing his face.

At this moment, his distinct features were relaxed and enjoying the sensation, a rare departure from his usual seriousness.

Gu Huaiyu admitted frankly: “It’s not exactly that I agreed with him. It should be that I myself thought that way too.”

His voice was very soft.

Like a feather.

But it smashed heavily into Shen Qing’s heart.

At this moment, Shen Qing completely understood. After the accident, choosing to sit in a wheelchair, giving up treatment after finding out his illness, and never standing up again—Gu Huaiyu was enacting a harsh and cruel punishment on himself for coming into this world.

…People are very strange.

Clearly, he was the one whose spinal marrow was stolen, whose health was stolen, whose happy childhood was stolen.

But as the victim, he ended up loathing his own birth, loathing his own experiences, loathing his own existence in this world.

…So it turned out that the Gu Huaiyu who was disheartened and single-mindedly waiting for death had actually harbored this kind of mentality.

The hand Shen Qing used to caress the other man’s cheek couldn’t help but tremble.

—But Gu Huaiyu was born proud!

He should have had a temperament like Ao-zai’s—born untamed and aloof, doing everything entirely according to his own heart, “When I reach the mountain’s peak, I am the summit.”

He was also very much like Duoduo—extremely intelligent, extremely calm, diligent, pragmatic, resilient in nature, ignoring the gazes of others, and absolutely refusing to admit defeat.

Yet such a Gu Huaiyu had chosen to completely give up on himself in his twenties.

…

It was as if he had been defeated by fate.

A flower that had never been warmed by the sunlight, no matter how tenaciously it grew and broke through the soil, would one day wonder if its existence was simply something that shouldn’t have been.

Gu Huaiyu didn’t deny that he had indeed entered this vicious cycle Shen Qing spoke of.

He raised his hand and covered the young man’s hand, his movement very light: “Do you remember when we discussed the Milk TV station fabricating sex rumors about their artist, forcing that artist to their death? At the time, you said that if you were the one being rumored about, you wouldn’t choose to die.”

“You said, ‘Being rumored about isn’t my fault, I wouldn’t give up my life because of it. You only live once’.”

Shen Qing: “…”

He remembered this.

He hadn’t been very close with the boss back then. He didn’t expect the boss to still remember.

Gu Huaiyu: “At that time, I think it was the first time I realized that you really only live once.”

“And luckily, I didn’t give up.”

Seeing the red-eyed young man pause, his handsome and elegant features paired with his red, teary eyes and nose making him look even more gentle and beautiful, the paused expression was incredibly cute.

Gu Huaiyu couldn’t help but curl the corners of his mouth again, saying sincerely, “Actually, heaven treats me quite well. Before I truly gave up, I met you.”

Just as Gu Huaiyu had said earlier, there was actually nothing in his life that he begged for but couldn’t obtain.

Except for the liking and care of his parents.

But the problem was that, aloof and proud as Gu Huaiyu was, a Gu Huaiyu who hadn’t been embraced since childhood would never beg or actively fight for his parents’ affection in this lifetime.

So the situation remained: there was nothing in this world that he wanted but couldn’t get.

This was perhaps a kind of irony—everything that Gu Huaiyu (the Fifth Brother) valued and went crazy for—status, wealth, success, beauties, and so on.

All of these were completely not worth mentioning to Gu Huaiyu.

But there was also nothing left that made him feel interested or feel that it had meaning.

At least, that was what Gu Huaiyu thought when his injuries had mostly healed.

Undoubtedly, Gu Huaiyu’s heart had also experienced a tsunami.

On one side was the questioning of his existence’s meaning since childhood.

On the other side, his extraordinary talent and outstanding achievements left him without pursuits, interests, or even desires.

The two added together, so he sat in a wheelchair, drew the curtains, and threw away his phone. Choosing to treat this absurd and abrupt world with the same indifferent posture.

He hesitated and doubted like this, bored, as if crawling through a muddy, dark swamp, spending the endless, fog-filled night all alone.

Until one day.

The sunlight shone in, and the freezing, bone-chilling back of his hand was covered by a warm palm.

The fog was no more, and he possessed his own sun.