AEOGA CH63

Qin Yulong listened in silence.

Everyone reacted differently when drunk. Some sobbed uncontrollably, some laughed unrestrainedly, some babbled nonsense, and some fell completely quiet. Qin Yulong had originally assumed that given how much Helian Xi loved to cause a stir while sober, he would act even more willful and throw an endless, reckless drunken tantrum when intoxicated, giving everyone a headache.

He hadn’t expected… that it would make his heart ache.

On ordinary days, the image Helian Xi projected was always that of a carefree, sharp-tongued, pampered, and arrogant young prince. Yet this bout of drunkenness, meant to drown his sorrows, instead caused him to strip away his disguise entirely, exposing all his melancholy. What he dared not utter while awake could only be vented after getting drunk, letting people realize just how many heavy burdens he carried on his shoulders and how many secret anxieties he harbored in his heart.

He was only sixteen years old.

When Qin Yulong himself was sixteen, he had just entered the military camp for training, a green young lad who knew nothing of the world.

No matter how strictly his family disciplined him, his parents loved and nurtured him with undivided hearts. Unlike Helian Xi, who had grown up in a cruel imperial court fraught with fierce, cutthroat struggles. He wondered how many mockings Helian Xi had been forced to hear to make that sharp tongue of his so practiced.

Qin Yulong thought somberly that he had viewed that “female general” as a worthy rival—admiring, liking, and feeling a mutual affinity with them, assuming the other felt the same way. Looking back now, it was likely just his own unrequited sentimentality; Helian Xi truly must harbor a deep, bone-deep hatred for him, far beyond the playful bickering he had assumed.

“He knows he was wrong and will apologize to you properly. You are not unloved; you are very lovable,” Qin Yulong held the hangover soup, his tone gentler than it had ever been. “You should still drink a little. Otherwise, you’ll have a headache from the hangover.”

Having poured everything out in one breath, Helian Xi felt much better inside and obediently accepted a few sips. But after taking only half a bowl, he lost patience and turned his head away. “No more.”

He had truly drunk too much tonight. This small amount wasn’t enough to make him completely sober, but he was no longer groggy either.

Qin Yulong set the bowl down.

After drinking half the bowl of hangover soup, Helian Xi’s mind cleared considerably. Opening his eyes to look at the person beside the bed, he froze for a second, so startled that he instantly shrank back into the bed. “…Why is it you?!”

He had assumed it was A-Luo, the attendant he had brought with him from Xifeng, which was why he had been so completely uninhibited.

…What had he just said?

Helian Xi tried to recall carefully, but because he wasn’t fully sober yet, he couldn’t remember at all; every attempt at thought brought on a headache.

Qin Yulong looked at him with a complex expression. “Who did you think it was?”

Helian Xi didn’t answer. Seeing the clothes Qin Yulong was wearing, he said angrily, “These are clothes I made for Hua Yan—I intended to give them to him! Why are you wearing them? Take them off right now!”

Embroidery was mostly considered women’s work in Yelang, but in Xifeng it was the exact opposite—a mandatory skill for men, known as men’s needlework. Helian Xi knew how to wield weapons and ride horses, yet he hadn’t fallen behind on the lessons a Xifeng man ought to learn either. Since he and Hua Yan were on good terms, they often studied garments and accessories together, so he would embroider clothes for him.

Hua Yan and Qin Yulong were of similar age, so the clothes made for Hua Yan barely fit Qin Yulong. It was just that their styles differed vastly; Young General Qin truly was unsuited to wearing such a tender shade of pink, looking more ridiculous the longer one looked.

Qin Yulong said expressionlessly, “You thought it was him? You can speak so intimately with him?”

Usually, Helian Xi was at odds with him like fire and water, yet he was as close as blood brothers with Hua Yan. Qin Yulong felt displeased inside, but he merely attributed it to his annoyance at Helian Xi, certainly not out of jealousy.

He hadn’t expected Helian Xi to pour his heart out to Hua Yan and even make clothes for him. The two were close to such an extent that it genuinely made him envious.

Yet what right or standing did he have to be jealous?

“What does it have to do with you? My relationship with him is a thousand, ten thousand times better than with you! Take off those clothes,” Helian Xi blurted out.

Qin Yulong felt sour and uncomfortable inside, yet he refused to strip off the robe. Xifeng was a female-dominant nation where both men and women existed, and it was normal for men to undress in front of other men. But Changli was an all-male nation; undressing in front of someone was something only married couples could do, and even biological brothers had to avoid it.

The drunk young prince was both fiery and unreasonable. Seeing Qin Yulong hesitating and refusing to strip, he pounced on him to yank off his clothes, unfastening the buttons at his collar. Because his mind was clouded and his movements were wild and aimless, his touch made Qin Yulong’s Adam’s apple itch.

Qin Yulong wanted to push him away, but feared hurting him if he fell, so he didn’t dare use force. Caught off guard, he was dragged down by Helian Xi, who straddled his waist on the bed.

Qin Yulong was startled. “Helian Xi—”

Helian Xi unbuttoned his collar with a frown. “Why won’t it unfasten?”

He then reached over to unfasten his own, which opened very easily. A look of innocent confusion crossed his face. “Mine clearly opens just fine.”

—Nonsense, that was because Qin Yulong was still mildly resisting. Never in his entire life had he imagined he would be straddled and bullied like this.

Reversing the position was simple enough; he could execute a technique to flip over and subdue the youth in a single fluid motion. Yet precisely because he had just learned Helian Xi’s other identity and heard that heartfelt confession, Qin Yulong felt a surge of tenderness in his heart, unwittingly indulging his wild behavior.

Helian Xi unfastened his own collar, and as the robe slipped down, it revealed the youth’s fair, porcelain shoulder. Qin Yulong instinctively turned his gaze away, but out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a scar on his shoulder. He froze slightly, turning back to stare at it for a long moment.

That scar… was from the spear stroke he had delivered back then.

It must have been very deep for a scar to remain until now.

Staring at that mark, Qin Yulong even stopped resisting, a trace of bitterness welling up in his heart.

Scars could not un-heal. The rift between them, much like this wound, could not be mended either.

“What are you looking at? Isn’t this your handiwork?” Helian Xi sneered. “I thought about it long ago—once you fall into my hands, I must avenge this single spear strike.”

Since Qin Yulong stopped struggling, Helian Xi unfastened the buttons effortlessly. Tearing open the lapel, he looked left and right but couldn’t find any sharp weapon to exact his revenge. He simply bent down and bit down viciously on Qin Yulong’s shoulder.

Qin Yulong let out a muffled groan. Thinking that a spear thrust must have been far more painful than a bite from teeth, he chose to endure it stoically.

Still unsatisfied, Helian Xi pulled his clothes off completely. “Does it hurt? Just this one spot isn’t enough. How you left me covered in wounds—I’m going to bite all over your body to get payback.”

–

The next day, Helian Xi rubbed his head as he sat up. The hangover left him with a splitting headache, and his entire body ached.

Glancing sideways inadvertently, he received a massive shock.

Why was Qin Yulong in his bed?!

And—and he wasn’t wearing any clothes… his whole body was covered in those kinds of bite marks from teeth…

Looking down at himself, things weren’t much better.

Freezing up, Helian Xi hurriedly threw on his clothes and got out of bed, sitting before the mirror to look at himself. A pair of peach-blossom eyes filled with utter shock.

The cinnabar mark between his brows… was gone…

That was the cinnabar mark symbolizing a Xifeng man’s chastity.

Had he and Qin Yulong acted recklessly after drinking?

Helian Xi stared blankly in front of the mirror for a good while before frantically picking up an eyebrow pencil, dipping it in rouge, and gently drawing a dot at the center of his forehead.

Women all over the world loved applying floral forehead ornaments. When Helian Xi served in the military, he had specifically drawn forehead ornaments between his brows to conceal his male identity and hide the male cinnabar mark; dabbing on a single cinnabar dot now was second nature to him.

He could absolutely never let anyone know he had lost his chastity.

Helian Xi himself didn’t place much value on chastity—he simply viewed it as being bitten by a dog—but Xifeng valued it immensely; a man who lost his chastity before marriage would be drowned in a pig cage.

Though he was already in Changli, and technically considered married… that only made the problem far greater.

The Changli Emperor didn’t touch anyone at all except the Empress. If his cinnabar mark vanished, wouldn’t that explicitly mean he was cuckolding the Emperor? Though the Changli Emperor treated his inner palace as subordinates rather than consorts, even facilitating the affection between Liu Yansheng and Shen Hezhou, how could his own status compare to theirs?

He was not a subordinate working for the Changli Emperor; he was a prince sent from a foreign nation for a marriage alliance. Even if the Changli Emperor was taking people into his harem to protect pillars of the state from Yelang’s seductions, that protection didn’t extend to him.

His status in Changli was merely that of an imperial consort.

The Changli Emperor had no reason to show him mercy. On a serious note, the crime of defiling the inner palace was completely an insult from Xifeng toward Changli; if it triggered a war between the two nations, his father and elder sister would be utterly cast aside by Mother Empress, quite possibly facing the death penalty.

Even taking a step back, supposing the Changli Emperor didn’t pursue the matter and even fulfilled his “good match” with Qin Yulong, once news traveled back to Xifeng, it would still make him a monumental laughingstock. A prince sent for an imperial marriage alliance having an illicit affair with an imperial consort and then being bestowed upon that consort—in Xifeng’s eyes, he would be bringing shame upon Xifeng. Mother Empress valued prestige above all else and would surely be enraged, leaving his father and sister facing a treacherous struggle in the palace.

His sister was at a critical juncture in competing for the succession; he couldn’t drag her down any further.

Not to mention the countless conflicts between him and Qin Yulong—how could he be willing to let anyone know they had shared physical intimacy?

In an instant, thousands of thoughts flashed through his mind. Helian Xi considered a host of issues, yet toward the fact that he and Qin Yulong had shared physical intimacy itself, he didn’t feel much aversion.

Just as Helian Xi finished drawing the cinnabar mark, he heard a complex male voice behind him: “When you drew forehead ornaments on the battlefield back then, were you this practiced too?”

Helian Xi turned around to see Qin Yulong already standing behind him, wearing an inner robe with lingering marks still visible on his collar.

“…What battlefield? I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Helian Xi feigned ignorance.

His memory of last night had completely blacked out; he couldn’t remember a single thing. How much had he let slip?

Helian Xi knew his own behavior while drunk. While others babbled nonsense, he blurted out the truth when intoxicated, which was why he had never dared to drink to excess, fearing a slip of the tongue would give others leverage against him. But last night he had missed home too terribly, and Changli didn’t have as many eyes watching him to bring down his father and sister as Xifeng did, so he had drunk a bit more.

And that single bout of drinking had ruined everything.

Qin Yulong… knew he was that person from the battlefield?

Helian Xi was unwilling to admit it. He had engaged in intrigue and power struggles in the palace for so many years; that period of genuine, sword-and-spear fighting on the battlefield was instead the time he found most authentic and liberating. In his most genuine moments, he had indulged his heart and secretly liked that spirited, brave, and battle-hardened young general.

Admitting he was that rival on the battlefield felt as if he were admitting he had once liked Qin Yulong.

Yet that shallow affection was far too fragile in the face of his father, his sister, Xifeng, and his own destiny.

Seeing him playing dumb, Qin Yulong hesitated, ultimately dropping the subject without pressing further.

Meeting his match on the battlefield was a beautiful memory to him, like moonlight or a cinnabar mark. But to the other party, it was likely nothing more than the humiliation of national hatred and family grudges; why should he make him uncomfortable?

“Last night…”

Qin Yulong had barely started when Helian Xi cut in calmly: “Last night, both of us drank too much and acted out of line due to the alcohol. Neither of us needs to take it seriously. You don’t need to treat me like an ordinary Xifeng man; it’s just losing my chastity. I won’t weep, wail, or seek death over this, nor do you need to take responsibility. Let’s just pretend this never happened.”

Qin Yulong was quiet for a moment, but still continued what he had been saying: “I will request an imperial decree from His Majesty and His Highness the Empress to grant us marriage.”

“I said you don’t need to take responsibility, can’t you understand words?” Helian Xi frowned.

Qin Yulong pursed his lips. “You don’t need to worry about His Majesty and His Highness placing blame. I am on very good terms with them, and they also approved Liu Yansheng and Shen Hezhou’s matter…”

“Qin Yulong, not only do you not speak like a human, you can’t even understand human speech,” Helian Xi said impatiently. “Those two tied the knot because they were mutually in love; what are we? Do you like me? We’ve always despised each other on sight. You just said yesterday that nobody loves me, so isn’t it ridiculous to say you like me after sleeping together once? I know your Qin family upbringing wouldn’t teach you to abandon responsibility after sleeping with someone, but since we hate each other, getting married will only make us a bitter couple. I don’t need this kind of ‘taking responsibility.'”

His familial affection was laced with a web of calculations; if even love were gained merely out of “responsibility,” it would be far too tragic.

He was born in a quagmire, unable to extricate himself, yet he still possessed the pride of preferring to sink rather than beg for pity.

Qin Yulong paused, then revealed the truth: “Last night… I wasn’t drunk.”