UCTOOT CH66

The wind and snow howled, beating against the window lattice.

Outside, the world was frozen solid, but inside the quilt, it was as warm as spring.

When Xie Wuchi woke from a nightmare, beads of sweat dotted his nose, and his head was splitting. He looked down, his cold gaze falling on the person in his arms.

Shi Shu was fast asleep. The youth’s face was fair and handsome, his nose straight, his hair tousled against the bedding. Xie Wuchi had stripped him completely naked.

Their legs were intertwined, the touch of skin like velvet.

Xie Wuchi lay back on the pillow, his eyes reflecting the beams of the room. The drowning-like feeling of suffocation still lingered in his chest. He rarely dreamed. This was one of the few dreams he’d had since coming to this world.

A year had passed, but he still felt the pull of the real world.

It must have been some afternoon. He was sitting in a white consultation room somewhere on the West Coast, dressed in a suit. The seasoned psychologist put down his files and raised an eyebrow. “Wow, someone so handsome, with such an excellent family background, and a perfect education and life experience. How can such a person also have psychological disorders?”

Xie Xun smiled and nodded at him. “Though the topic is cliché, I hardly know what love is.”

The psychologist flipped through his case file. “Your father is a high-ranking official abroad, and your mother runs a multi-billion-dollar chain of hotels and real estate businesses in the country, also involved in technology and entertainment industries. Your family’s income is conservatively estimated at—”

Xie Xun interrupted him, “None of that is important.”

The psychologist laughed heartily. “I often receive people like you, raised in elite families. On the surface, you seem glamorous and expensive, but in reality, you have all sorts of psychological quirks. For example, some like to hear others scream, others like to pull people’s scalps, some are particularly open sexually, and some have fantasized about murder.”

Xie Xun turned his head to look at a small stain on the white wall, listening as the doctor said, “Though it’s hard to believe, most of the crazy behaviors that people find incomprehensible are actually just a search for the parts missing from their fathers and mothers.”

His thoughts were scattered. The psychologist read from his file: “You lived with your mother in a mansion in the Hamptons since you were a child, and your closest companion was your nanny. But after your mother realized you were developing ‘motherly’ feelings for the nanny, she fired her. Before she left, she had her humiliate you severely. After that, your nanny was replaced every six months to prevent you from loving anyone more than her… Oh…”

Xie Xun propped his chin on one hand, his arm in its white shirt resting on the chair’s armrest. He looked down, dissatisfied with this place he had come to.

Because everything said was a cliché, and he was perfectly clear about all the problems.

“Your understanding of intimate relationships is deeply flawed.”

Xie Xun said, “I need to remind you, I knew that in my teens. You’re the fifteenth doctor I’ve seen.”

“Oh, then you are also very stubborn. Perhaps you should try to change yourself.”

It’s hard to change.

Because only logical self-consistency prevents pain.

And change is painful.

…

Xie Wuchi closed his eyes, pulling his thoughts from the cracks of the dream, and looked down.

Shi Shu seemed to feel hot and shifted slightly. Xie Wuchi reached out a hand and gently cupped his jaw, carefully admiring Shi Shu’s face.

A perfect face. He was surrounded by perfect faces. Shi Shu’s cheeks were fair, his jawline clear, handsome and refined, without any strong aggression. Because he loved to smile, even in his dreams, the corners of his lips were turned up in a smile.

Before Xie Wuchi could even react, he had leaned in and kissed him. Shi Shu let out a soft mumble in his sleep.

Xie Wuchi looked at him and, without realizing it, smiled in the darkness, gently rubbing his nose against his.

Then, he suddenly stopped in a feeling of discomfort, like an actor on stage abruptly pulling out of a play. Xie Wuchi’s smile was stiff. Since he was a child, a voice had always been in his ear saying, “You should smile more.”

So Xie Xun practiced the most decent fake smile in front of the mirror, maintaining that angle at every social event, just right.

But this time, the curve seemed to have exceeded its limit. So after smiling, Xie Wuchi felt a loss of control that made him instinctively feel danger and displeasure.

Once he was displeased, once he was anxious, Xie Wuchi squeezed Shi Shu’s jaw and deepened his kiss.

The warm and delicate feeling of skin, the reality of the hand he touched, the person held in his arms, made him feel much better. A silver thread of saliva connected their mouths. Xie Wuchi panted, rubbing against Shi Shu’s pale earlobe.

Like.

Every morning, he would say to his mother, “I love you.”

With that perfect smile.

His mother would also return it with a hug and a smile.

In reality, the word had become a cliché, tasteless and meaningless. When he was a teenager, she had installed surveillance cameras in his bedroom. His mother had said, “You are fundamentally seeking those cheap, low-class, and common desires. A man’s dirty places have an attraction for you. The low-class way you get pleasure is disgusting.”

The external and the internal were different. Words and smiles were lies; only the temperature felt through skin contact was real. His mother’s hands were always cold.

He had fantasized with his psychologist that if he were to kill someone, he would probably be indifferent to their screams and pleas for mercy, but he would be interested in the process of a person’s temperature draining away as they lost blood.

But being willing to see a psychologist was probably his exhibitionist tendencies at play, and the other party just happened to have a confidentiality agreement. Xie Wuchi was actually very satisfied with the personality he had ultimately formed.

Extremely confident, with a solid and unshakable psychological defense.

…

Shi Shu was being tickled and subconsciously pushed back, but his hand only rested on his shoulder and then stopped moving.

Xie Wuchi couldn’t help but remember that during the three-thousand-mile exile, Shi Shu had also let him hold him like this many times. He would flirt and tease with a grin during the day, and without realizing it, his gaze began to uncontrollably follow him.

However, as Xie Wuchi held him now, a sense of emptiness and absurdity rose in his heart again.

He was a very selfish person, who believed himself to be extremely restrained, indifferent, and only in love with himself. It turned out that this was what he wanted.

…

But the person before him did not love him, at least not in the ideal way he imagined, not able to accept his filth and dirt.

A cold wind slipped into the quilt. Xie Wuchi held him, as if holding the whole world, and fell back into a deep sleep.

The snow in the courtyard was heavy. The servant they had hired had just arrived this morning and immediately started making breakfast. The ground was covered in layers of snowflakes.

Shi Shu sat at the table eating, thinking that with this much snow, the supply route was probably blocked again.

Sure enough, a sharp knock came at the door. “Come out! Clear the snow, clear the snow! Every household send one person to clear the snow!”

Shi Shu quickly finished his meal, put on his snow clothes, and ran out with Du Zihan. He turned to wave at Xie Wuchi, who was sitting upright and eating. “We’re going! Xie Wuchi, take your time eating. Zihan and I won’t be back for lunch!”

Xie Wuchi’s flat gaze swept over the two of them, who were also dressed in snow clothes. He said, “You don’t have to go. I’ve spoken with the supervisor’s office. You won’t have to do this chore anymore.”

Shi Shu had already waved his hand and strode out the door. “We have to be careful today. I don’t know if there’s any snow on the slopes. If we have to clear snow again with the risk of an avalanche, it’ll probably be tough.”

Du Zihan: “Alas! When the state prospers, the people suffer; when the state falls, the people suffer.”

Xie Wuchi stood up and followed behind them.

Shi Shu hadn’t expected that just as they arrived at the valley, they would find two groups of people arguing.

Shi Shu slowed his pace and looked up. It turned out that some of Senzhou’s garrison troops had cleared the snow overnight. A narrow path had been laboriously carved out in the narrow mountain pass. But on the other end stood two groups of people. One group was pushing carts loaded with grain, shoving each other. The banner of the other group had the character “Feng” on it, and they were escorting silver rations. They were probably in a hurry and inevitably got crowded together, arguing heatedly.

“This is Senzhou’s emergency grain transport route. Grain takes priority, those who delay will be killed! Yesterday’s blizzard already delayed us by half a day. The grain must be in the granary within two days. What are you doing?”

The other side was not to be outdone. “Your grain is urgent, but our military pay isn’t?”

“Your military pay is being sent to Yunzhou. You shouldn’t have passed through Senzhou in the first place. You should have taken the Huaian direct road. Why should we make way for you?”

You had to know, military orders were absolute. In a military region, any delay in an order could result in execution, so neither side would back down.

“On what grounds? On the grounds that my surname is Feng!”

Amidst the argument, a boisterous voice was heard, and then someone jumped down from a horse. The man was tall and imposing, with a sharp, evil glint in his eyes. When Shi Shu recognized him as Feng Kuizhi, he quickly found a hidden spot behind and watched secretly.

He hadn’t expected that the silver escort had also arrived.

Feng Kuizhi held a horsewhip. The person opposite him, escorting the grain, was a local county magistrate who didn’t recognize the young master of the northern border army. He was whipped across the face, and the skin immediately split open, blood flowing out. He clutched his face and fell backward.

Feng Kuizhi swept his gaze over the group. “If you don’t know, go ask who has the final say in the Taiyin and Changping prefectures! Don’t even talk about this road in Senzhou. Even if I were to go to the Great Sheng Prefecture across the Cha River, no one would dare to stop me!”

After speaking, he used his whip to lash out at the escorts, one by one. The soldiers were, after all, physically strong. With each lash, they took a step back, their flesh mangled and bloody.

On this side, some soldiers had already recognized the banner and didn’t dare to step forward to stop him.

Feng Kuizhi!

He was a little devil incarnate, the only son of the military commissioner Feng Zhongshan. In the Eastern Capital, he might not be much, but on the border, he was the crown prince.

Just as Shi Shu was feeling extremely nervous, he suddenly heard a voice. “General Feng, according to the regulations, this is Senzhou’s grain route. Even if General Feng wants to pass, you should wait until our grain transport has passed. To fight for position and even hit people, isn’t that a bit too arrogant?”

Shi Shu looked over. The person who spoke was very young and looked familiar. It was the leading lieutenant general he had seen when he first arrived in Senzhou, the one who had come to curse the Great Min cavalry chasing the fleeing refugees.

Someone quietly pulled at his sleeve. “Don’t say any more.”

But not only did this person not back down, he took a step forward. “Please stop, General Feng!”

Feng Kuizhi was in the middle of a whipping frenzy. He turned to see him. The other person had upright features, young and righteous. But Feng Kuizhi preferred delicate, fair-skinned pretty boys, so his temper was not good. “Who are you?”

The person’s face did not change. “This subordinate is under General Zhao of the Langdi Army, a former left-wing lieutenant general of the ‘Chou Army,’ Song Sinan.”

“Fuck!” Feng Kuizhi cursed and exploded. “It’s you guys, it’s that bastard Zhao Shirui, and your Chou Army, always going against me! You don’t take me seriously?”

Shi Shu suddenly remembered that this Feng Kuizhi had been in the capital for several months and had even lost his border army accent.

Feng Kuizhi stepped forward and, without another word, whipped him.

The whip fell like rain. Song Sinan didn’t even block it. Wounds split open, but his back remained ramrod straight.

Shi Shu turned to look at Xie Wuchi. Xie Wuchi said, “Feng Zhongshan is the military commissioner of the Taiyin and Changping prefectures. Feng Kuizhi is his youngest son. Zhao Shirui is his subordinate. Both of them are from the ‘young faction’ in the border army, the future heirs of the border army. They should have a competitive relationship.”

Shi Shu’s eyes widened slightly. “But he treats a general like this? I remember the ‘Chou Army’ is very good at fighting.”

Thud.

Feng Kuizhi fiercely kicked Song Sinan to the ground, but he still wasn’t satisfied. He pulled out the sword from his side. He was going to kill him!

Song Sinan was covered in wounds, and hatred finally welled up in his eyes. It was the look of a wolf. He stared at him without speaking. The person next to him quickly said, “General Feng, General Feng, please calm down! Please calm down!”

It was a critical moment.

Not far away, a sharp whistle suddenly sounded. Several columns of galloping horses kicked up snow and sand as they charged over. Their figures were nimble in the snowy weather, creating a swift shadow of wind.

One of these columns held a banner with the character “Zhao.” A moment later, the horses stopped not far away. A tall man in heavy armor dismounted and strode over, his boots crunching in the snow.

A group of people quickly knelt down and shouted, “General Zhao!”

The wind and snow were so strong it was hard to open one’s eyes. When Shi Shu turned his head, he saw Xie Wuchi staring at this group of people, as if observing and thinking about something. Shi Shu turned his head back and couldn’t help but let out a “Huh?”.

This Zhao Shirui looked so familiar.

The scar from his forehead to his jaw, the thick eyebrows, his whole body exuded the hardness and fortitude of a soldier, with almost no softness.

Shi Shu suddenly remembered. Almost a year ago, at Xiangnan Temple, he had just suppressed the rebellion in the Huainan region and rushed to the Eastern Capital to demand military funds, slighting the prince. It was this Zhao Shirui. No wonder he treated Xie Wuchi well. The military funds back then were precisely…

Zhao Shirui stepped forward and grabbed Feng Kuizhi’s horsewhip.

The two men faced each other in the wind and snow.

Zhao Shirui spoke first. “Kuizhi, where did you get such a temper?”

Feng Kuizhi let go and smiled. “Second Brother Zhao, long time no see, huh?”

Zhao Shirui: “You’ve returned from escorting military funds from the Eastern Capital. After such a tiring journey, you still have the energy to make trouble for my men?”

Feng Kuizhi: “Hahaha, who told them to be so insensible! I’m just teaching them a lesson for you.”

Zhao Shirui glanced over and saw the powdered and perfumed man in his carriage. “You’ve been a bad influence since you were a child, picking up these bad habits. Uncle Feng dotes on you and never scolds you. But I’ve never been able to stand it. Since you’re back, you should settle down and share some of Uncle Feng’s burdens. Didn’t you need to pass? Men—”

“General, what are your orders?”

“Let General Feng’s convoy pass first.”

After speaking, Zhao Shirui turned and gestured to Song Sinan. “Stand up.”

Song Sinan was covered in bloody welts. He stumbled as he walked and stood to the side.

But it was clear that Feng Kuizhi had no intention of letting it go easily. He stared deadly at Zhao Shirui. “Brother Zhao is really capable, always managing to resolve matters so simply and effortlessly, as if nothing happened.”

Zhao Shirui had a steady personality. He looked at him. “Then what will it take for you to be satisfied?”

Feng Kuizhi: “I must kill him.”

His words were filled with murderous intent. Shi Shu really couldn’t understand what kind of huge grudge these two had, to be so seemingly calm on the surface. Zhao Shirui’s dark eyes met his. “Kuizhi, I’ve told you many times, don’t act on impulse. Especially as a general, a small temper of yours can cause many people to die without a whole corpse.”

Feng Kuizhi chuckled. “I’m not as capable as you. I just act on impulse.”

Zhao Shirui: “Fine. Today, you can’t kill this person. If you insist on being stubborn, we’ll go to Uncle Feng for a confrontation and get an explanation.”

Feng Kuizhi became frantic. “Zhao Shirui!”

Zhao Shirui: “You’ve always been so willful. Don’t blame me for not reminding you. We hold military power in our hands, responsible for the lives of so many men. It’s not for you to throw a young master’s tantrum! Call out that boy toy of yours you’re keeping, and have him coax you back!”

A look of contempt appeared on Zhao Shirui’s face. “I think you’re only two or three years old. Only your lower body can tie you down, you useless thing.”

Feng Kuizhi grabbed his collar. The two border generals started fighting in front of so many people. Shi Shu watched and prayed, “Hit him, hit him!”

Sure enough, Zhao Shirui knocked Feng Kuizhi down with a few punches, bloodying his face. He grabbed his collar and said, “If anyone dares to speak of today’s matter, I’ll cut out their tongue. Let’s go! To Yunzhou, to find the military commissioner.”

After speaking, he forcefully dragged Feng Kuizhi into the carriage, pulled the male pet out by his hair, and kicked him. “Send him to be a military prostitute.”

“Yes!”

Shi Shu turned his head. The carriage drove off, and the group quickly left.

The scene was too chaotic. Shi Shu didn’t even have time to catch the main points. To the side, the person next to Song Sinan shouted, “Quick, find a doctor! Quick!”

Xie Wuchi said softly, “You can go.”

Shi Shu stepped forward and raised his hand. “I can help him stop the bleeding.”

“Quick, come, come, come!”

Shi Shu turned to look at Xie Wuchi. He was dressed in his snow cloak, stood for a moment with his head lowered in thought, then turned, mounted his horse, and chased after the carriage. On the other end, Du Zihan was being urged, “Clear the snow, clear the snow! The snow is piling up again!” The group split up.

Shi Shu turned around. The farce was over. He walked to Song Sinan’s side. “I’ll help you bandage it.”

Song Sinan’s face was pale, his body in pain, his lips bitten raw. The person next to him couldn’t help but complain, “This great devil Feng is really useless, but he has a huge temper. How could he beat you like this.”

“Just like his father, a good-for-nothing.”

Hearing this, Shi Shu couldn’t help but look up. “Huh?”

The person realized he had misspoken and covered his mouth. The other few people also glared at him. Shi Shu smiled and said, “Don’t be afraid, I won’t tell anyone.”

They moved Song Sinan under a shed that blocked the wind and snow. Fortunately, they also had常备 (chángbèi) – regularly prepared wound medicine. Shi Shu sprinkled the medicine on his wounds and bandaged them layer by layer with gauze, a task he was already very skilled at.

While chatting, Shi Shu asked, “How old are you?”

Song Sinan said, “I’m nineteen.”

Shi Shu: “…You’re already a young general at nineteen, huh?”

Someone laughed and said, “Not a young general. Song Sigui is the great general, Song Sinan is the young general.”

“Song Sigui?”

Song Sinan tried to stop him, but he had already said it. “The leader of the ‘Chou Army,’ and also our young general’s older brother.”

Shi Shu: “Your older brother is pretty impressive. I have an older brother too.”

Song Sinan: “Who is your older brother?”

“Xie Wuchi.”

“Dare I ask if it’s the Xie Wuchi who implemented the new policies?”

Shi Shu said the name, thinking they wouldn’t know. Unexpectedly, this group of youths, about the same age as Shi Shu, burst into discussion. “It’s actually him! I’ve long heard that Lord Xie was framed by treacherous officials in the court and exiled to our Taiyin. I didn’t expect it to be Senzhou. My god, Lord Xie is quite a character.”

A smile appeared on Shi Shu’s face, his eyes bright. “You’ve heard of him?”

“Of course. The court is full of treacherous officials, not a single good one. They delay our military pay, all while living in luxury. All the suffering is borne by us on the border. They won’t even let us fight, just appeasing Great Min, watching them grow stronger. Only Lord Xie is good, reforming the land tax and securing military funds for us.”

Shi Shu’s fingers paused. He hadn’t expected it in his heart: The border army detests the civil officials in the court so much, but they have such a good impression of Xie Wuchi.

After Song Sinan’s wounds were bandaged, he sat resting and asked Shi Shu, “Where is your home in Senzhou? I’ll pay a visit another day.”

Shi Shu gave him the address, and the man nodded repeatedly.

Shi Shu went back to shoveling snow. The few of them gathered around him, talking. Shi Shu couldn’t help but ask, “The ‘Chou Army,’ did you guys really escape from Great Min territory?”

As they spoke, several people chimed in. “Of course. They forced us to farm, beat and cursed us, and if they weren’t happy, they’d kill people for fun, just like that General Feng. I lived in the Zhao family village opposite here. That area was given to the royal family of the Min dogs. Every day, a bunch of dog slaves would beat us. If we didn’t obey, they would dig out our eyes, kneecap us, or chop off our hands and feet. It was very cruel.”

As one person spoke, his eyes turned red. “To escape from Great Min, you have to cross a long blockade line with almost no rest. Our grandparents were too old to walk, only our parents and we could make it. But as soon as we escaped, the Min dogs would kill our families. My grandparents… they’re definitely dead.”

“…”

Shi Shu wiped his forehead, his handsome face showing pity. “How many people are in your ‘Chou Army’?”

“Thirty thousand. They say the ‘Chou Army’ fights the fiercest. Many who escaped have died in battle, but there’s a constant stream of people coming back, joining the army, so it’s always maintained at thirty thousand,” the speaker, only in his teens, said proudly.

“We live to reclaim our homeland and return to our homes.”

Shi Shu: “Good, good… you will definitely succeed. You will definitely reclaim these three lost prefectures and six provinces. I wish you all the best.”

Shi Shu looked at Du Zihan. Du Zihan was also very moved and coughed.

Shi Shu turned his face. The group of people were still smiling. Song Sinan, despite his injuries, came out to command the others to transport the grain.

They had only one goal: to go home.

To go home, they could sacrifice their lives, because on the other side of the border line were friends, family, the land they had lived on for a lifetime.

Shi Shu didn’t know what he was thinking. He lowered his head and continued to clear the snow.

Gradually, the sun dimmed. By this time, Shi Shu had already become familiar with them, eating and drinking together. Before leaving, he waved his hand. “I’m going home! See you tomorrow!”

The snow was deep. Except for the valley near the supply route, every part of this place was covered in thick snow.

Shi Shu trudged through the snow, one deep step after another. The snow was soft and deep. Just as he was halfway, a familiar figure appeared before him again. Xie Wuchi, in a clean crane-feather cloak, was walking toward him.

Shi Shu couldn’t help but wave. “Xie Wuchi! I’m over here! What are you doing here?”

Xie Wuchi: “To take you home.”

Those few words made Shi Shu’s heart skip a beat. He walked to Xie Wuchi’s side, saw him take out a snow hat, and took it to put on Shi Shu’s head, at the same time brushing the snow from his shoulders.

Shi Shu’s face turned red again. He lowered his head and irritably patted the snow off, muttering, “Damn it, when is this snow going to stop? Crap! It’s really getting on my nerves!”

Looking back, Du Zihan was scratching his head in frustration. Shi Shu couldn’t help but see a vision of his former self.

“How was today?” Xie Wuchi asked.

Shi Shu: “I made a bunch of new friends today. It was pretty good. I didn’t expect that in the ‘Chou Army,’ which is full of people who kill like flies, so many of them are the same age as me. They’re amazing!”

Xie Wuchi: “You’re amazing too.”

Shi Shu pressed his tongue against his cheek. When he turned back, Du Zihan had already walked in a ‘V’ shape, parting ways with them and keeping his distance.

Shi Shu: What’s he doing?

In his ear, Xie Wuchi said in a low voice, “Is your birthday coming up soon?”

Author’s Note:

Xiao Bao is turning nineteen!
Xie Wuchi plans to tie a ribbon on himself and gift himself to Xiao Shu Bao ^^

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