UCTOOT CH144

◎ If the Two Meet While Separated for a Year and a Half ◎

“Respect yourself. Do not generously give your wholehearted love, soul, and strength as gifts, wasting them in places where they are unwanted and despised.”

The book was closed, and the doctor walked over from the snow-white French window: “Write more in your diary to increase your sense of control over life and restore inner order. Or, I suggest you learn to cook, go out for sports, breathe fresh air, and adjust the flow of emotions through concrete actions…”

The cap was placed on the fountain pen, leaving sharp, clear lines in the diary.

The doctor in memory maintained a safe distance, standing in front of the desk: “What content have you recorded in your diary? Are you willing to share?”

Fingertips rested on the leather material of the diary. The young man’s gaze was looking out the window at the palm forest illuminated by sunlight by the sea. Seagulls gathered and scattered, and the waves rolled in layers like patterns.

Xie Xun refused: “No, the diary contains more than just privacy.”

The doctor’s hearty laughter came: “Alright, I’m also very afraid of seeing explosive content.”

…

Eyes closed, mouth parched.

Do not waste your wholehearted love… in places where it is unwanted and despised…

You once learned this, hence your extreme rationality and indifference.

But after he left, the values you constructed collapsed.

So the current you is a mess of disorder and chaos.

The carriage was bumping along the yellow dirt road. Attendants drove horses behind, waving whips. This convoy was rushing from the Eastern Capital to Yanzhou in Changping Prefecture.

All that could be seen were mountains full of yellow leaves, fluttering piece by piece. The yellow clouds on the horizon were thick; it was already late autumn.

The carriage was carved with intricate patterns. All the way, the attendants at the relay stations bowed and scraped, welcoming them early. Upon seeing the hung plaque, the station attendants immediately bowed: “It turns out to be Commander Xie’s carriage, please!”

The eunuch who entered looked solemn and whispered, “Are there any medicinal herbs for curing wind-chill in this station?”

“Huh? Medicinal herbs?” The station soldier looked puzzled.

The carriage was still bumping.

Inside the carriage on a pillow mat, Xie Wuchi lay sideways on the seat, covered with a heavy quilt, gauze on his forehead. Eyes closed, he seemed to be in a coma. No matter how the carriage bumped, his face was pale and lifeless.

The servants waiting outside repeatedly lifted the curtain to peek in: “Sigh, Lord Xie… this, what can be done!”

“He’s also a pitiful person. It’s said that this Lord Xie was once exiled. Now that the late Emperor has passed away and the new Emperor has ascended the throne, Xie Wuchi was immediately promoted and appointed as the Commander of Changping Prefecture. He finally became a hot new noble, but he contracted a serious illness. He won’t die on the road before taking office, will he?”

“…He’s been sick the whole way. Falling ill as soon as autumn arrived, and with the long journey, he might really die on the road…”

One of them gossiped curiously:

“Does our Lord Xie have no family? No one to collect his body if he dies?”

“Heard he used to be a monk at Xiangnan Temple, never married. Had a younger brother, but he was lost in the chaos of war when recovering Dasheng Prefecture at the beginning of the year… hasn’t been found.”

Two eunuchs sighed. The carriage traveled through the forest, the wheels rising and falling with the gullies of the loess land.

Xie Wuchi’s curled fingers moved slightly. His whole body was weak, his head splitting with pain, existing in a huge estrangement from the world. When he opened his eyes, the world before him went black in bursts.

The new Emperor ascended the throne. Because Xie Wuchi poisoned the late Emperor and single-handedly supported Chu Wei’s succession, he was sent by the new Emperor to train troops in Yanzhou. A hot new noble in officialdom, rising rapidly, yet infected with wind-chill, as if his life had been drained away. Lying sick in the daily rushing carriage, he deeply felt the sadness of autumn.

“Lord Xie has a younger brother?”

“…”

“Yes, never seen him…”

Tiny voices penetrated through the carriage curtains. The carriage was arranged as a bed. On the heavy bedding lay a scroll of documents and a diary, but it had stopped half a month ago, not written in for a long time.

Black ink on the scroll, vigorous strokes, wrote a line: “Where is Shi Shu now… is he living well…”

Xie Wuchi closed his eyes, his whole body feverish. One hand hung down from under the quilt.

The wrist was wrapped in gauze, blood seeping through.

Covered in wounds.

On the other side, by the coastal beach of Qin Village, four or five young men were gathered under a coconut tree. Footprints were trampled on the beach as they laughed and played: “Don’t stand so close! It’s no fun if this coconut falls on your head. You know Uncle Wang from the east of the village? He got hit by a coconut before and lay at home for days before getting up!”

Ah Lei jumped and said: “More to the left, you can reach it to the left!”

“Watch your footing. If you can’t do it, come down, I’ll go up!”

The figure of a young man appeared and disappeared among the green leaves. His fair skin reflected the golden glow of the setting sun in the evening. Shi Shu held a short knife in his mouth and stepped forward: “Told you, I’m the tree-climbing expert of ten miles around. I’ll reach it right away.”

“More to the left! More to the left!”

Du Zihan was anxious: “What more to the left! Xiao Shu, don’t go over there. What if you really fall? Don’t go… I won’t eat this coconut.”

Laifu wagged his tail: “Woof woof woof! Woof woof woof!”

Shi Shu held the sharp dagger and hooked it: “It’s fine, don’t worry about me. Small matter, I’ll cut the coconut and come down immediately—” Saying this word, he pushed forward. With a “thud!”, the coconut fell onto the beach.

“Almost hit my head!”

“Told you to dodge!” Shi Shu counted the coconuts, threw down the knife, and prepared to come down. Hugging the trunk, he slid down with a “whoosh.” The group cheered happily, “Quick, quick!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming, save the roundest one for me!” Shi Shu excitedly hugged the tree to slide down. The azure sea reflected the sun’s golden light, seemingly a bit blinding.

Suddenly, Shi Shu felt a moment of dizziness, then top-heavy—

In the next instant, Shi Shu lost his balance and shouted: “Help! Hand slipped? —”

Body falling.

But the expected pain did not appear. Shi Shu closed his eyes. When he opened them again, what lay beneath him was swaying. The light changed from the seaside sunset to pitch black covered by heavy curtains. The neighing of horses and the vibration of hooves came to his ears. Before his eyes seemed to be a narrow, enclosed space.

“No, where is this? Did I hallucinate from the fall?”

Shi Shu scrambled up, panicking, and saw clearly a person lying on the bedding beneath him. Perhaps the commotion of the fall was too loud; Shi Shu retreated, and the person’s voice sounded: “Who…”

Weak, but rasping, a familiar auditory sensation. A prickling sensation crept up Shi Shu’s back. The carriage curtain was blown open by the wind, a ray of light illuminating the scene inside the carriage.

Eyes met. Shi Shu’s heart jumped to his throat: Xie Wuchi?

One second he was cutting coconuts in Qin Village, the next… Memories of the snowy night in Dasheng Prefecture flashed rapidly through his mind, running out of the city gate in the early morning snow, Xie Wuchi’s wrists tied to the bed rail, saying that sentence “I love you.” Shi Shu felt like he had been punched; stars appeared before his eyes, and his throat itched.

No, what exactly is going on? Why am I suddenly here?

Shi Shu suppressed the impulse in his throat. Before reason returned, he noticed Xie Wuchi’s sickly appearance first.

“…”

Xie Wuchi’s clouded vision also saw Shi Shu’s face clearly.

Gazes met. Shi Shu just wanted to disappear, but his feet were inexplicably nailed to the spot.

The carriage was still moving forward.

Xie Wuchi looked at him, breathing slowly.

Shi Shu thought for two more seconds and suddenly realized: I suddenly landed here, it’s not a dream? Did Xie Wuchi also take it as a hallucination?

Shi Shu looked up and glanced at him again.

Xie Wuchi had medicinal gauze on his forehead, dark circles under his gloomy eyes, pale lips, a turbid lifelessness as if life had been drawn out, lying on the makeshift bed of pillows and quilts.

Haven’t seen him for over half a year. How did the person who was healthy in memory become this lifeless? Shi Shu was full of doubts.

“Hyah!” The coachman cracked the whip. The eunuch chased outside the carriage with tea: “My Lord, drink water?”

A sound quickly gave Shi Shu a sense of reality. He stood motionless in the carriage, back stiff, licking his lips. Xie Wuchi closed his eyes, then looked at him fixedly.

Instantly, Shi Shu’s back went numb again.

“…” Xie Wuchi is sick, does he think I’m a hallucination in his sleep?

At this moment, the eunuch also lifted the curtain. Seeing a handsome young man, he shouted in fright, falling directly onto the wooden board: “You, you, who are you? Why are you in our Lord’s carriage?!”

“Ass, assassin?! Come, someone come—”

“No, I’m not—” Shi Shu snapped back to reality and explained, “I’m not an assassin—”

“My Lord, our Lord—” Remembering something, the eunuch rushed in regardless of everything. Four or five people sprang out, none expecting an extra person to suddenly appear in the carriage, stepping forward with weapons.

The scene instantly went out of control, breaking the dead silence. Xie Wuchi closed his eyes, seeming to understand something, and spoke.

“Get down.” His voice was hoarse. “Let him go.”

Having not heard this voice for a long time, the moment Shi Shu heard it, he shivered all over. Xie Wuchi spoke weakly, but order was restored to the scene; the eunuchs and soldiers vanished instantly.

“…”

Shi Shu returned to the carriage and met Xie Wuchi’s eyes again. Looking at him for a while, his mind was full of the experience of escaping the day they fell out. The two didn’t speak for a long time.

Wishing he could disappear, like meeting an ex-boyfriend. But seeing Xie Wuchi’s bloodless face, Shi Shu wanted to show concern, yet wanted to figure out the current situation more.

A hundred thoughts in his mind, but Shi Shu didn’t make a sound. Xie Wuchi’s weary eyes looked at him: “You—”

Shi Shu spoke: “I was in Qin Village, how did I get here? Transmigrated again?”

Shi Shu asked: “Where is this?”

Xie Wuchi: “On the way to Changping Prefecture, over a thousand li from the Eastern Capital. Haian County.”

No catching up, talking about this topic didn’t look like they knew each other. Shi Shu hissed: “Over a thousand li, how did I transmigrate so far? Do I have to walk all the way back? Where are Zihan and Laifu?”

Xie Wuchi listened to Shi Shu talking to himself without speaking. Shi Shu talked for a long time before realizing he wasn’t ready to meet Xie Wuchi. Actually, after leaving Dasheng Prefecture, he hadn’t thought about whether he could meet Xie Wuchi again in ancient times.

Shi Shu suddenly asked: “You’re sick?”

Xie Wuchi: “Mn, a cold.”

Shi Shu: “Quite a lot of people taking care of you. I’m leaving first.”

So awkward that breathing felt suffocating for a second. Shi Shu looked at him again. Xie Wuchi lay on the sickbed and didn’t stop him. Shi Shu lifted the curtain and saw the dim sky and a dense forest before him, not knowing where he was.

“It’s dark too?” Shi Shu was baffled. “Suddenly sending me over a thousand kilometers away, do I have to walk back to Qin Village step by step? Why?”

Several eunuchs were looking at him. Soldiers were also looking at him.

Shi Shu braced himself, preparing to re-walk the Journey to the West, but the sun had already set. He walked a few steps, didn’t know the way, and had to turn back: “If I go back to the Eastern Capital, which way?”

Entering autumn, Qin Village’s climate was warm, so Shi Shu’s clothes appeared thin in comparison. The soldier looked at him for a moment: “Young master, are you walking back?”

Shi Shu: “Looks like it. Probably have to beg for food on the way.”

Behind him, a eunuch suddenly chased after him holding a pile of clothes and gold and silver: “Young master, young master wait! We are sending—”

Shi Shu knew Xie Wuchi had sent them and said, “No need, I don’t want it. Is there a place to stay nearby? I can’t travel at night.”

Eunuch: “Only Lijia Station a li ahead. No other place to stay.”

Shi Shu stood in place, pursing his lips. The eunuch was very curious about Shi Shu. Shi Shu scratched his hair with his finger: “Your Lord… what official position does he hold now?”

The eunuch said: “Commander of Yanzhou, by His Majesty’s order, going to train the new army.”

“Impressive.”

Before leaving, Shi Shu asked again: “Your Lord, what illness does he have?”

The eunuch said: “Infected with wind-chill. Don’t know what’s wrong, been bedridden for half a month, getting no better.”

Half a month without getting better… Shi Shu recalled Xie Wuchi’s lifeless appearance. He had a bunch of friends in Qin Village, while Xie Wuchi was on the way to his post alone, illness almost killing him, the scene desolate.

Although many old matters swirled in his mind, Shi Shu sighed inexplicably.

Howls of wolves came from the dense forest, the sound of rain and dampness chirping. Overwhelming crows flew up from the forest. The eunuch hurriedly grabbed him: “Young master, don’t leave in the middle of the night. Leave when it’s light, okay?”

Shi Shu thought, What exactly does this mean? He turned and walked back.

Xie Wuchi was very sick, unable to get up in the carriage. The convoy arrived at the relay station. Station attendants hurriedly came forward to lead horses and guide the way. A group of officials waited to pay respects to Xie Wuchi, but the eunuch said: “The Commander is ill and will not meet anyone.”

Doctors were waiting early. Ancient medical skills were lacking; people often died from colds. The eunuchs hurried about, extremely anxious, saying to write a memorial to His Majesty quickly; the new official might die on the road before taking office.

Shi Shu was guided to eat and rest. Xie Wuchi was supported out into the hall and immediately sent to the best room; doctors entered and exited frequently.

Watching this battle array for a while, Shi Shu pulled a eunuch: “What exactly is wrong with him?”

Eunuch: “Infected with wind-chill, never getting better, vomiting blood and heartsickness. Hasn’t eaten for many days. We servants are burning with anxiety but dare not ask! Asking means getting beaten or killed.”

The eunuch said: “The Lord seems to have something weighing on his mind, we don’t understand. Such a big official, yet not a single friend on the road, all alone. Sick for half a month lying only in the carriage, not talking to anyone. Finally met you, an old acquaintance…”

“…”

Shi Shu was puzzled for a moment, thinking: When I left, weren’t you promoted and getting rich? Thought you would live very well. How come I still have a big group of friends in Qin Village, and you’re alone about to die in a foreign land?

Shi Shu said: “Thanks.” Seeing another eunuch coming out of the door, waving and saying, “Quick, quick, serve the meal.”

This eunuch shot out: “Boil some thin porridge and send it up!”

Shi Shu stood there for a second, then returned to his room. Chicken, duck, fish, meat, delicacies on the table, very delicious. Shi Shu had eaten seafood in Qin Village for a long time and finally ate land food. Thinking about Xie Wuchi, after getting mostly full, he stood on the stairwell to keep watch.

A bunch of eunuchs ran back and forth; unknowingly, they were all new people granted by the Emperor. Although Shi Shu was worried about Xie Wuchi, he didn’t know how to talk to him… better not to speak.

Shi Shu was preparing to return to his room. Unexpectedly, with a bang, Xie Wuchi’s door opened again. It was actually him coming out, changed into neat, plain clothes, eyes listless, a pale hand holding the door frame, looking toward Shi Shu’s room.

“…”

Caught off guard, Shi Shu’s eyelid twitched.

“…”

Silence fell again.

Shi Shu scratched the tip of his nose, leaning back against the wooden railing: “Are you okay? I heard them say you’re very sick. Don’t just die.”

Xie Wuchi: “It’s fine.”

There should have been a lot to say, but it turned into one sentence: “Rest well, the body recovers faster.”

Xie Wuchi’s lips moved, said: “Okay.”

Eunuchs came to support him. Xie Wuchi refused and went back into the room.

Shi Shu didn’t speak. His mind was full of Xiangnan Temple, Liushui Nunnery, the three thousand li exile, the road walked with Xie Wuchi. But knowing Xie Wuchi was looking at his face, Shi Shu acted as if nothing happened, avoiding his gaze.

Thinking about why Xie Wuchi was so down and out, Shi Shu stayed up until late at night before falling asleep. The room was pitch black. Outside the station, autumn winds blew, with the sound of light rain hitting plantain leaves.

Shi Shu suddenly woke up once in the middle. Under the faint light, there seemed to be a figure at the door. Shi Shu opened his eyes abruptly and was startled, clutching the quilt tightly.

“Who?”

But the next second, the cold sweat on his forehead dried. Shi Shu jumped out of bed. The closer he walked, the more familiar the silhouette on the window paper became. Shi Shu knew who it was.

Shi Shu raised his hand and opened the door: “Why aren’t you sleeping yet? Is something wrong?”

It was dark around. The oil lamps in the station were extinguished. Xie Wuchi’s face couldn’t be seen in the dark. Shi Shu didn’t know what Xie Wuchi wanted to do. In the next instant, his hand was held by him.

Shi Shu pulled his hand out. In the dark, Xie Wuchi took a step in. Shi Shu was gently hugged, just about to say: “Don’t touch me…”

The next second, he felt a bit of moisture by his ear. Shi Shu’s eyes widened unexpectedly in the dark, instantly flustered. Xie Wuchi hugged him. Nothing could be seen clearly in the dark, but that breathing was very uneven.

“…”

Shi Shu originally wanted to push him away, but after standing for a few seconds, he didn’t know what to say.

The autumn wind was cold, blowing from the corridor. Shi Shu recalled many things; the more he recalled, the more silent he became.

“…” When Shi Shu was speechless, he heard Xie Wuchi’s hoarse voice, “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.”

“…”

Shi Shu opened his lips but made no sound.

Eunuchs watched from outside. Shi Shu reached out and closed the door slightly. A myriad of complex feelings in his mind—the word “Hate” carved on the wrist by Song Sinan, Xuelin’s corpse, the wind and snow on the city tower, the hoarse questioning, and the sound of hooves fleeing with Du Zihan.

Shi Shu and Xie Wuchi separated by two steps. In the dark, Xie Wuchi looked at Shi Shu’s face. Shi Shu was looking at the autumn wind outside the window.

The two stood for probably a quarter of an hour before Shi Shu sat down at the table and poured a cup of water, “You’re not sleeping in the middle of the night just to say these things?”

Xie Wuchi: “As long as you stay, I can do anything for you.”

Shi Shu was speechless: “Go to sleep. It’s late now. I don’t know what to say either.”

Xie Wuchi: “Are you leaving tomorrow?”

Shi Shu: “Leaving.”

If he leaves, Xie Wuchi won’t leave. Standing in place in snowy white undergarments, the autumn wind getting colder, Shi Shu really couldn’t bear it. He stood up, found a piece from the pile of gold, silver, and clothes sent in the evening, and casually draped it over him.

After draping it, Shi Shu prepared to turn around, but his hand was held again. This time, his hand was pulled to the cheek. The palm was cold and damp, gently rubbing against his palm. Shi Shu froze in place again. Since hearing Xie Wuchi’s confession, Shi Shu’s memories of him were no longer as a best friend, but as an ex.

Shi Shu took a deep breath. Xie Wuchi kissed his palm. The sleeve fell down to reveal a wrist wrapped in gauze. Shi Shu stared at his wrist, exhaling the breath he just inhaled.

Shi Shu: “You plan to stand here until dawn?”

Unexpectedly, Xie Wuchi, tough in handling political affairs and brilliant in methods, had such an unheard-of personality when in love.

But after Shi Shu finished speaking, Xie Wuchi didn’t sit down, still standing in place. In the dark night, Shi Shu’s eyes were pitch black. He had to say: “Go back to sleep, it’s so cold.”

But the standing person still didn’t leave. Shi Shu was speechless. Xie Wuchi approached a step or two, hugging Shi Shu again by the table, speaking in his ear: “Don’t go.”

Shi Shu closed his eyes, not speaking.

Xie Wuchi pressed against his face: “Please, don’t go.”

Shi Shu’s frozen heart melted: “You…”

Gay men.

You gay men really will do anything.

Shi Shu pushed him away: “Alright, go back to sleep. I won’t go. I keep my word.”

When the wind outside the window calmed down, Xie Wuchi knew it wasn’t a solution to keep wasting time. Shi Shu stepped forward to open the door, walked with him to his room door, and watched him go in to sleep.

Shi Shu entered his door, lazily picked up the cup to drink the remaining water, thinking what is this mess. Lying back in bed, sleepiness was strong, and he fell asleep quickly.

Early in the morning, with melodious bird calls, Shi Shu got up and dressed, hesitated for a second, then pulled over the thick warm clothes and put them on too. The station revived. Attendants were busy feeding horses and serving dishes. Xie Wuchi sat at the dining table, his brows still lifeless, reading documents.

Shi Shu walked down the stairs step by step. He glanced once then lowered his head, pushing away the documents to signal the others: “Serve the meal.”

Shi Shu sat in the chair opposite him, preparing to eat. The sun was bright outside. Shi Shu thought about the coconuts he picked for a second, then started eating. Xie Wuchi used a spoon to drink thin porridge. His spirit was very poor, similar to when he was exiled three thousand li.

When Xie Wuchi ate, several eunuchs showed relieved expressions. They had just been assigned to Xie Wuchi; if the person really died, it would be a total loss of people and wealth.

Shi Shu looked at his wrist. Xie Wuchi obviously had no appetite, swallowing expressionlessly. The eunuch panicked: “My Lord, eat slowly, slowly…”

Xie Wuchi was a ruthless man. If he wanted to live, his desire for survival was very strong.

Seeing him finish, Shi Shu strode out of the courtyard and got into the carriage first. After Xie Wuchi got into the carriage, he seemed a bit tired and leaned back on the cushion.

The carriage rocked. Shi Shu took out a borrowed atlas and was studying the way back to Qin Village. Xie Wuchi was half-asleep, his slender-boned hand hanging by the side of the bed.

Seeing him asleep, Shi Shu stole a glance at his scarred wrist.

Shi Shu studied the map: “A thousand li, then down the river to the sea. It’ll take at least a month of walking, then a boat. Why did I suddenly come here? Wasting so much of my time.”

When putting it down, Shi Shu saw the diary beside him. He never looked at other people’s things randomly. Seeing the diary lying open, he reached out to close it.

Xie Wuchi was half-asleep. Upon waking, he would inevitably look for Shi Shu’s position. Shi Shu was speechless. Shi Shu’s wrist was suddenly grabbed. Looking up, Xie Wuchi was awake again.

Shi Shu raised his hand: “I didn’t mean to peek at your diary, just tidying up for you. Go back to sleep.”

“You can look.” Xie Wuchi held his hand without letting go.

Shi Shu had nothing to say. Letting him hold it, he casually flipped through the diary: “Why are there so many gaps? You used to write every day, now you don’t?”

Xie Wuchi: “After you left, I couldn’t persist.” Because of the chaos of order and failure to control life, he lost the ability to discipline himself, and life fell into a collapse.

Shi Shu flipped casually, seeing his own name occasionally clear, occasionally chaotic, written in Chinese characters on the paper: “Baby… Shi Shu… where are you… I… miss… you…” The handwriting shifted from orderly to disorderly, showing the madness of the heart. A stark contrast to the beautiful and neat foreign letters earlier.

Shi Shu: “You…”

Shi Shu managed a small smile: “I understand your feelings, but I have a new life now, and I like it very much. Xie Wuchi, I’ll send you off for a few more days. When your health is better, I’ll return to where I live. Many people are waiting for me.”

Xie Wuchi’s palm trembled, holding him. Shi Shu turned his face away: “We used to be best friends, and you treated me very well, but we are not on the same path.”

After speaking, Shi Shu pulled the quilt for him. Xie Wuchi seemed about to dissipate. Shi Shu said: “I’ll take good care of you these few days. Hope you recover quickly.”

After finishing his harsh words, Shi Shu sat on the running board outside the carriage, chatting with the eunuch driving the carriage. The cool wind blew his hair, revealing a clean forehead. Chatting casually, he learned that after he and Zihan left, Xie Wuchi returned to the capital to present victory, bought back the small courtyard Shi Shu had pawned, and lived alone in the courtyard with a group of cats, living a solitary and quiet life.

Someone arranged a marriage, but he refused. Few friends, closed doors to guests most of the time, not going out unless summoned by the Heir Apparent, reciting Buddhist scriptures in the courtyard.

It is said that his health has been poor since then. Cap and canopy cover the capital, but this person alone is haggard. After the late Emperor passed away, he was assigned to the Northern Army to train troops. Rushing in summer and autumn, wasting away on the road, his condition worsened.

Shi Shu chewed on grass watching the clouds roll: “Aren’t you quite good at making friends with dignitaries? The arena of fame and profit, welcoming and sending off. Why not go socialize instead of staying in the courtyard alone?”

Seemed to be living a widower’s life.

Shi Shu sat chatting. Midway, the eunuch handed over water. Lifting the curtain to go in, Xie Wuchi leaned against the backrest seeming to be in deep sleep, lying motionless. The moment Shi Shu saw him, ripples appeared in his mind.

The laughter during cohabitation, calling his name with a clear smile. When Xie Wuchi was alone at Xiangnan Temple, organizing scriptures in the library during the day and reading at night, his heart was full. But after he left, how would he spend his days with a no longer calm heart?

Shi Shu looked at him, noticing Xie Wuchi’s wrist again, constantly seeping red blood. Why? Hasn’t the wound healed yet?

Shi Shu took out the map, continued to study the road back to Qin Village, marked it with a pen, and lay down basking in the warm sun until his cheeks were hot.

Xie Wuchi slept all the way. At noon, they encountered a tavern. Shi Shu went down to order a few dishes. The eunuchs and soldiers ate. Xie Wuchi didn’t get off the carriage. Shi Shu carried a full bowl of rice and dishes prepared by the tavern to give to Xie Wuchi. The eunuch said: “Need thin porridge. The Lord has had a poor appetite recently, eating a few small bites at most. How can he eat so much?”

Shi Shu: “If he can’t finish, forget it.”

He handed the bowl and chopsticks to Xie Wuchi in the carriage. He took the food and put it in his mouth to chew. Shi Shu ate at the same table as the eunuchs. Checking after a while, the food in Xie Wuchi’s bowl had bottomed out.

Shi Shu took the bowl and returned it to the tavern. The eunuchs were stunned: “How could it be? The Lord almost only ate a few bites of rice for half a month—”

Shi Shu was also puzzled. If a person has a bad appetite, eating is like torture. But Xie Wuchi actually ate the rice bite by bite.

Shi Shu held the bowl and looked at Xie Wuchi, “If you really can’t eat it, forget it. Don’t force yourself.”

Xie Wuchi: “It doesn’t matter.”

Shi Shu: “Why are you always so hard on yourself?”

Xie Wuchi: “You probably hope I eat a little more.”

Shi Shu sat down. The carriage started again. Xie Wuchi closed his eyes to sleep again. Shi Shu looked at his closed eyes that were unwilling to look at him and asked, “Are you very sad?”

Just as he finished asking, Xie Wuchi opened his eyes again. Red blood vessels in his eyes, looking at him in silence.

Shi Shu stopped what he was prepared to say, said “Hey,” and felt a bit anxious inside: “You—”

In his anxiety, Shi Shu touched Xie Wuchi’s hand. Before he could withdraw, his fingertips were held, then squeezed into the palm. Shi Shu originally wanted to withdraw his hand, but it didn’t seem to have much meaning.

Sitting in the carriage, he had to let Xie Wuchi hold him. The two were silent. Shi Shu was really baffled by this kind of romance, but as Xie Wuchi calmed down, a corner of Shi Shu’s heart seemed to calm down too.

He turned his face away. Driving in the afternoon, Xie Wuchi didn’t continue sleeping; instead, he talked to him sporadically, asking about his life in Qin Village.

Shi Shu: “I’m doing well in Qin Village. Going out to sea with them once every half month, selling the shells, pearls, and dried fish caught in the village, then buying salt and spices back. There isn’t much work there. Occasionally helping mend fishing nets, sometimes going beachcombing for seafood, helping wash some seaside food. It’s been fun when idle.”

Xie Wuchi: “Then I’m relieved.”

Chatting and chatting, Shi Shu laughed out loud. After laughing, he suddenly felt the atmosphere was too harmonious, as if returning to the past, and the smile on his lips retracted a bit.

Then, Xie Wuchi reached out, and Shi Shu’s lips were gently touched.

Shi Shu rubbed his lips, residual warmth remaining. The atmosphere changed from friends to romantic ambiguity. Shi Shu continued talking, sensing that Xie Wuchi’s gaze stayed on his face and lips, hesitating to speak.

Shi Shu pretended not to notice, chatting casually, but the gaze seemed impossible to hide.

Arriving at the relay station in the evening, walking was better than needing several people to support him a few days ago. Several eunuchs were surprised: “Divine doctor, this young master.”

Shi Shu: “I did learn a little medicine.” Got along well with the eunuchs. Xie Wuchi went to sleep early in the station. Eunuchs and soldiers played cards downstairs. Shi Shu was also preparing to play with them. When sending Xie Wuchi upstairs, before closing the door, he looked at Shi Shu and finally spoke.

“Can I have a kiss?”

Shi Shu turned and walked away: “I’m going downstairs to play cards.”

After speaking, Shi Shu went downstairs and mingled with the group, but didn’t continue playing when they started gambling. Before going back to his room to sleep, Shi Shu went to Xie Wuchi’s room. He just wanted to check on him, but unexpectedly Xie Wuchi woke up from his sleep.

He looked at Shi Shu for a long time: “Can I kiss you?”

Shi Shu: “You.”

The atmosphere was quiet for a moment. Xie Wuchi must have waited for a long time, his gaze slightly anxious. Shi Shu tapped his cheek: “Kiss.”

A kiss like a dragonfly skimming the water landed on the side of his face. Shi Shu went out: “Alright, go to sleep, don’t overthink.”

Walking out the door, Shi Shu couldn’t help recalling: When we were together before, he kissed every day. Now letting him kiss the cheek isn’t anything strange, right…

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