TBR CH78.2

In the future, you will be in a high position.

Tar said, that’s right, just like every wish you’ve made, they have all brought you a little closer to your goal. Your pace of climbing upwards seems too fast in some people’s eyes, but that is completely destined. Everything you have paid will definitely be rewarded.

“The highest position…” Edwin said softly. “You mean, I did it?”

He had thought about it, he was thinking about it now, at the age of seven when no one had yet regarded him as a threat, the first time he had realized he had a talent, and had a desire to grasp something, to possess something. After he had realized that imagining power and fame would make a certain place in his heart burn strangely, he had made an almost impossible wish.

Tar nodded at him. A pale and disbelieving smile appeared on the boy’s face. In that smile, the meaning of pride shone brightly.

In the future, you will rebuild the order.

The Church of Light? Tar smiled at him slyly. No, that’s not right.

The Holy See recorded in this diary is not the decadent religious institution you imagine that believes in the God of Light. The church you were once in has been burned to the ground by the flames of your revenge. I dare say it must have been beautiful. And the current Church of Light is a pawn in your hands, having already lost its value. It has been abandoned by you.

You have built a new rose garden in the ruins. The order of the world has been completely shattered after the advent of the new god. Hypocritical lies will no longer be asked about from now on. Even if the world still operates with bitterness and joy, you can bring freedom to people.

In the future, you will have a home.

Edwin asked, “A god?”

“I shouldn’t be considered a demon now,” Tar blinked, his clear pomegranate-red eyes rippling with a red as deep as dried blood. Incredible power gradually surged in the room with the change of his pupil color. His temperament changed. If Edwin had just thought he was just a powerful devil, now he knew he was completely wrong.

“Me,” Tarksius curled his lips and looked down at him. The god’s eyes were the most magnificent rubies, reflected in the boy’s pupils. Even that gray, which was best at disguise, was tinged with a slight heat. “I am your god.”

“God…” Edwin bit his lip, his brain rapidly processing everything before him. “So I, I am actually—”

“You are my believer, and also my most loyal bishop, the kind that offers everything,” the god tilted his head, his smile deepening. He looked so good when he smiled. Edwin only let this thought flash through his mind, and then he became at a loss. He had been impudent to the god. His wet tear stains were still on Tar’s chest. A believer should not do anything to offend a god, and a god, with his incredible power, always looks at humans with the eyes of looking at ants, so he actually shouldn’t…

“Offer a bouquet of roses to the god.” He suddenly remembered this line in the diary. Edwin stood there stiffly. He was too embarrassed to open the diary again, but those fragmented sentences drilled into his ears. Tar was a god, there was no problem with that. The man with red pupils before him had an incredible magic that made even the current him want to stay by the other’s side regardless of everything. This was the piety a believer should have for a god. But as a believer, was he too unruly, too ill-mannered?

And why was the god also living in this warm and bright little house, staying with him?

His thoughts were interrupted by Tar reaching over to ruffle his head.

The god before him clearly had a fondness for this action. Edwin’s soft hair was trapped between his fingers. The boy hesitated for a moment and carefully rubbed against it. He thought such an action might make the god happy.

Tar let out a soft “hiss.”

This is too unfair, he thought. How can Edwin be so cute as a child, just like a cat gently rubbing against its owner’s hand to show affection. He tilted his head, trying hard not to let his smile be too obvious, and then asked, “Do you believe everything I say, Edwin?”

“I… I of course believe my god.” The boy learned to swear without a teacher, but his cheeks were slightly hot, as if trying to prove something to Tar. Tar let out a low, satisfied laugh. The laughter was hoarse, making the boy feel even more embarrassed to look him in the eye. “Although I think the expression just now was not wrong, it’s more than that,” the god looked at him with such a focused gaze. “The current me is not just a god to the future you, and you to me, are also the most important existence far beyond everything else. So no need to ask. This is your home, Edwin.”

In the future, you will have a home.

Tar did not use words related to love to express it. The boy before him was still too young to understand feelings, but he repeatedly chewed on the words “the most important,” and felt more and more out of control. He had to cover his heart to prevent it from flying out of his chest because it was too light. Little Edwin’s eyes were wet and red from the emotional fluctuations just now, but he couldn’t hold back the corners of his mouth at all.

For the first time, he did not suppress himself and purely and happily savored the “future” Tar had presented to him.

All of this was completely real.

Everything before him would belong to him in the future.

He would be able to become such a person in the future, to have a home, to be seriously loved by such a good Tar. This was so different from his current life, simply like the difference between a mountain peak and the valley floor. Edwin thought he would be lonely like this for the rest of his life. On countless nights when severe pain tore at his wounds, he would kneel alone on the bed with his eyes open, seriously considering death.

He didn’t know if his desperate efforts would be rewarded. In the small monastery, he was still young enough to have put on the priest’s robe for the first time. As the blood on his hands grew more and more, he would become more and more firm in himself, but at the same time more and more fragile, like a hard material that would shatter into pieces with just one crack.

But everything before him told him that all efforts would have results. Tar told him he would realize all his wishes, in the future, so the cruel, iron-blue reality suddenly had countless reasons to be endured.

Your choices will all have meaning.

Tar quietly looked at the gray-eyed boy before him. His body was trembling slightly, in joy. The young Edwin carefully examined everything around him, as if intending to imprint everything with his eyes, to turn everything before him about brightness, warmth, sweetness, and Tar into the driving force for him to move forward. This way, he could endure even the most painful nights, and there would always be beautiful dreams even on the most desperate nights.

“Edwin.” Tar couldn’t even bear to say the next words, but he glanced at the large clock on the bookshelf. The clock was moving forward with an irreversible force. It was getting closer and closer to midnight. He wanted to speak, but Edwin interrupted him first. The boy smiled, his smile completely genuine. “It’s okay. I know I have to go back. This time and space don’t belong to me. Besides, I have to be as excellent as you said to get everything before me. Tar, Tar, I will always remember you, so let’s say goodbye properly.”

“No,” the god lowered his eyes, his hand unconsciously resting on the boy’s hair again. He had to say those cold facts. “Edwin, you will forget everything that happened here.”

The smile on the boy’s face suddenly froze.

Like the receding tide after the moonlight has faded, Edwin at first didn’t understand what this sentence meant, or his brain had slowly built up a protective mechanism so that he wouldn’t suddenly face everything Tar had said. Then he realized what a cruel fact Tar had told him. The god’s hand was gently stroking the top of his head, but that was unacceptable.

Forget.

No. Edwin thought in panic. He doesn’t want to forget. The future him has everything, and might not care about a small memory of getting along, but for the current him, this is the only light and heat. He has to remember everything, so that he won’t be crushed by countless pains. He doesn’t intend to take anything with him, just a small memory.

He was not greedy at all.

But please, please don’t take away the only thing he had now.

“The disorder of time and space is an irreversible situation,” Tar tried his best to explain to him gently and warmly, although the explanation itself was futile. “Even if the initiator tries again, he won’t get the same result. I’m very sorry. I know how much you want to remember me, and everything in the future.”

“I don’t want to forget,” however, Edwin took a step back, his light gray eyes filled with the fear of loss, so much so that he couldn’t tell if his words were appropriate. He blurted out words of blame, “I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget. If something like this had to happen, Tar, why didn’t you lie to me? Why did you have to tell me—I can’t accept it…”

Tar was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

The god’s beautiful pupils were outlined with a golden trace by the bright light. Edwin looked at his indulgent and guilty eyes, but slowly stopped his retreating steps. His lips and teeth parted slightly, and he suddenly began to regret his accusation just now.

“I didn’t mean that. I’m not blaming you. It’s just, it’s just…”

“I know,” Tar was not angry at him at all. “It’s just that I was also thinking, it would have been nice if I had met you at this time. If I could have helped you block all the bad things one step ahead, Edwin. I’m really sorry you will forget everything that happened now and go back to the past, but I couldn’t hide it from you.”

“…” He looked at his own eyes so seriously. Edwin felt that his gray eyes, along with those dark and dirty thoughts, were clearly reflected in the sparkling red glass.

He wanted to be deceived, so that he would be happy until the very last moment. And then such a him, the him who had come to the future from the past, would just disappear like this, leaving only a memory that would never be remembered, a self-deceiving beautiful memory that was believed to be eternal.

Or to go a step further, Tar could have not told him anything about the future at all. He could have announced that he would adopt him, and he would never have to go back to the world of pain and cruelty.

But, was that really the result he wanted?

“You’re right,” Edwin suddenly felt strength return to his limbs. He murmured, lowering his eyes in shame. “Tar, I shouldn’t have thrown a tantrum because you told me the truth. But I don’t want to forget, I really don’t. I can’t believe that after forgetting you, I can still do it—”

“But you did,” Tar said quietly, taking a step forward, his distance from the boy becoming as close as before. “Edwin, when I met you, your soul was incredibly bright. It was like the Light itself. You are unique. No matter how many times, you will get the crown you deserve, and then meet me.”

“…I will meet you.” The boy’s gaze was inevitably hooked by the god’s mesmerizing eyes. He repeated Tar’s words, his voice wet with emotion. He was talking about the future, a prophecy that had already happened. “But we don’t know each other. Can I really find you? What if I can’t find you? What if something goes wrong at any step? Even if everything is fine, I can’t make myself forget, Tar. I don’t want to forget everything that happened tonight, even when I have everything. You… I want to remember everything about you.”

“Mmm,” the god’s black hair fell on his shoulders, as soft as satin, only for Edwin. He said, “You will remember, Edwin, just a long, long time later. I believe in everything that is about to happen, because I believe you will make those decisions no matter what. And you? Are you willing to believe me and wait for me until that time?”

“What…” The boy’s confusion was fleeting. His eyes were suddenly lit up by a light. “You mean, you will tell the future me what I have forgotten—”

Tar nodded, the god’s voice also becoming slightly hoarse with nervousness. “I don’t know if this is appropriate…”

But, if so, everything would become a complete closed loop. Edwin’s heart was strangely soothed by this sentence. Tar was right. As long as he believed the person before him, then forgetting would not be a permanent reality. A memory was not a person’s memory, but something he and Tar had created together, precious because of Tar. The memory would not be lost. Another person was keeping it for him, until a certain moment in the future—

“I’m willing,” Edwin said quickly. “I’m willing.”

Tar looked at him with some surprise. The boy suddenly felt his face burning. He had been so afraid of losing just now, so he had accused, and repeated useless requests over and over again. Looking back now, it was not rational at all, and not what a good child should do. He was so afraid of losing because he had no one he could trust to make him a promise: What you have lost today will surely be returned in the future.

“Tar, can you hug me again?” Edwin suddenly changed the subject. He raised his eyes to look at the clock on the wall. It was almost time, so he now had to make this memory more valuable. He didn’t want to waste a single second he had experienced, since the future him would be told all the details of this memory. His voice sounded almost like he was whining, but with a little boy with light gray pupils looking at you and asking, Tar found he couldn’t have a single bit of hesitation.

“You smell of roses,” being held tightly, Edwin only revealed the fluffy whorl of hair on top of his head. He took a deep breath, and felt he should make a comment, so he said in a small voice, “I like this smell very much.”

The young Edwin was so frank it was adorable.

This period of time passed much faster than imagined, so much so that both of them tried to ignore the clock that was moving backwards bit by bit. Edwin had never laughed and talked so happily before. He looked through the large cabinet of books that the future him owned, although he couldn’t understand most of them now, and those expensive-looking clothes—Tar suggested he not cultivate such a conservative aesthetic, and Edwin said no problem, but he was about to forget anyway. The bed in the room was also very comfortable. Little Edwin had never slept on such a soft bed before. He hugged the pillow and rolled over carefully. Tar watched him with a smile.

“I ruined your carpet not long after we met,” Tar pointed at the carpet on the floor and said. “So we chose this one together at that time.”

Edwin loved listening to these stories that happened in the future. These stories were memories he would firmly remember but was about to forget now. For the him who would “remember everything” in the future, it would surely be a reappearance of memories. He stared at the carpet and commented, “The color is very light, just like your eyes.”

“It wasn’t so similar originally,” Tar curled his lips. “Actually, you wanted to buy a deep red one, and I wanted a lighter one, so in the end we both took a step back and bought this one.”

Edwin also smiled. But he soon couldn’t help but cast his gaze on the clock on the wall again. It was just a quarter of an hour away, which meant the sharp black hand would go around fifteen more times. If only time could stop at this moment forever.

But he had to move forward.

Someone would be waiting for him in the future.

“Tar,” his voice still couldn’t help but reveal a trace of uneasiness, an emotion that couldn’t be shaken off before parting. The gray-eyed boy finally looked at Tar. “What if I can’t find you? I’m still a little… afraid.”

The torrent of time gradually surged with shimmering white waves. The surrounding air faintly showed shallow cracks in the turbulence. Edwin subconsciously grabbed the hem of Tar’s clothes, but any attempt to stay in the wrong time was futile. The cracks engulfed him bit by bit. The skin stained by the time cracks disappeared into the air.

The god also wanted to ruffle Edwin’s hair again.

But there was no time. The boy’s hand tightly grasped Tar’s sleeve, his eyes pleading, his words shattered into countless fragments. At that moment, Tar suddenly had an impulse. He covered Edwin’s hand with his own. Please don’t be too late. If there is still time, or if his premonition is correct—

“When you feel you really can’t go on,” Tar’s voice seemed to pass through the gap connecting the past and the future, reaching another distant point in time, and was heard by a person destined to forget everything. “Edwin, go to the Holy See’s library and find a book with a summoning charm tucked inside.”

The god felt the touch of another human’s hand under his palm suddenly disappear. The gray-eyed boy disappeared completely, as if he had never visited this place.

He had returned to the time he should be in. Tar thought so, but his heart ached with pain. He had acted as an adult, a protector, a god who was at ease with everything in front of the young Edwin.

But he looked at the half-read notebook spread open on the bed, and realized he had also been very sad all along.

“Edwin…”

Tar bit his lip. He sat motionless for a while under the bright light, as if thinking about something, until the door was finally knocked on. The god blinked, and without any hesitation, rushed to open the door.

It was like a miracle of a long-overdue reunion.

The gray-eyed Edwin stood before him. The bright light in the room illuminated his pupils. A thin layer of snowflakes had fallen on his coat. His temperament had not changed at all, sharp as a blade, only softening when he saw Tar. He gave him an apologetic smile. “You’ve been waiting long, Tar.”

Before the words had even finished falling, the demon before him leaned over and opened his arms, holding the human before him tightly. Edwin was stunned for a moment, feeling the warm breath melt the snowflakes on his lapel. He did not struggle, letting the demon’s body temperature slowly take away the icy cold from outside, feeling grateful.

“We still have a lot of time.” When the hug ended, Edwin didn’t wait for Tar to speak, and quickly followed up with a kiss. The Bishop was very charming when he took the initiative. The kiss was sweet, sweeter than the best honey.

“Yes,” the demon blinked, feeling his eyes sore. After the kiss ended, he licked his lips, curled his lips at Edwin, and repeated with something close to a sigh, “…It’s so good. We still have so much time.”

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