UCTOOT CH69.2

Shi Shu turned his face and walked with Xie Wuchi to the Jinlan Villa. It was rumored to be a garden built over decades by a noble family. Before Great Sheng Prefecture was captured, a Beimin royal had lived there. Now, that royal had secretly opened a back door and fled long before learning of the war, leaving the Beimin soldiers to fight bitterly. Now, the Jinlan Villa had not been destroyed by the flames of war. Just after several days of heavy snow, the scenery of the carved railings and jade-like pavilions was elegant and beautiful, with snowflakes falling.

Shi Shu was confined in a courtyard. After a long wait, Du Zihan finally arrived with large and small bags. As soon as he entered, he looked around. “Oh my god, are we living here?”

Shi Shu said, “Mm, Xie Wuchi has made it. He captured Great Sheng Prefecture. He’ll probably keep getting promoted from now on.”

Du Zihan put down their luggage and said, “On the way here, I saw the Great Jing army killing people—”

Shi Shu said, “That’s right. They’re about to slaughter the city.”

Du Zihan’s eyes widened. He was speechless for a long time. Then he remembered to ask, “Where’s Brother Xie?”

“He’s achieved a great merit. People have already come to offer gifts and curry favor. He’s gone to a celebration banquet with Zhao Shirui.” After taking the luggage, Shi Shu opened the bundle and started rummaging through it. There were only a few pieces of clothing, a cotton quilt, and a few pieces of silver. This was pretty much all of Shi Shu’s possessions.

Shi Shu muttered, “Laifu.”

Du Zihan asked, “What’s wrong?”

“And Laifu,” Shi Shu turned to look at Du Zihan. “Zhang Tong’s death is related to Xie Wuchi. They met a long time ago. Zhang Tong committed suicide early to avoid revealing your identity as a transmigrator.”

Du Zihan’s eyes widened, and he spoke incoherently, “What! What! He? He…”

Shi Shu said, “We have to go. It’s only a matter of time before Xie Wuchi kills you. I don’t believe a single word he says.”

Du Zihan still hadn’t reacted. “How could this be? I know he’s very much a ‘boss’ type, ruthless in his actions. Why? Was Zhang Tong really…? No wonder… no wonder he avoided me during that time… and some people said they saw someone looking for him. I thought it was his friend. I never thought about it this way… Should I… should I get revenge…”

Shi Shu asked, “Do you want revenge?”

Du Zihan said, “I can’t do it… I don’t have that kind of ability. I can’t do anything.”

“Will you come with me? Zhao Shirui’s army is not a righteous one either. Are there any righteous armies in this world, people who think for the common folk? I thought Xie Wuchi’s actions had achieved that, but they haven’t. I want to know. I want to go find out,” Shi Shu said.

Du Zihan looked at him, his eyes red. “I’ll go with you.”

Shi Shu folded the clothes again and placed them neatly in the bundle. While warming himself by the fire, he thought carefully. Xie Wuchi hadn’t wronged him. On the contrary, he had been well-fed and well-cared for, and Shi Shu could still warm himself by the fire on a snowy day, much better off than the corpses filling the ditches in the ice and snow. But perhaps it was precisely because he had always relied on him, living in his shadow, that Shi Shu had lost himself and lacked the tempering and polishing of hardship.

Shi Shu propped up his chin. The firelight danced on his fair face. The youth’s features were bony and distinct yet soft, very handsome and unrestrained. As Shi Shu was fiddling with the fire tongs, he accidentally pulled the fire onto himself.

Du Zihan quickly helped him pat it out. “Out, out! Fuck, what are you thinking about?!”

Shi Shu was also startled. He calmed down. “I’m thinking.”

The thought of Xie Wuchi brought tears to his eyes again. Shi Shu wiped them away. “I always treated him as my best friend. It turns out this is how he treated me from the beginning. But he’s also very… he…”

Shi Shu rubbed his face hard, wiping away the tears. “I’m thinking, should I say a few words to him?”

Du Zihan was silent for a long time. “He likes you, right?”

Shi Shu said, “I don’t know.”

Du Zihan said, “Think for yourself. Have you decided to leave? Then don’t say too much. It will be torture for both of you.”

The wetness on Shi Shu’s face was dried by the fire. “You have a point.”

As the two were sitting, suddenly, Shi Shu heard a cheerful barking, “Woof woof woof!” He shot up. Laifu was being led into the courtyard by a soldier. As soon as the leash was released, Laifu immediately ran wildly towards Shi Shu.

“Woof woof woof! Woof woof woof! Woof woof woof!”

Shi Shu caught him in a tight hug. “Laifu!”

The soldier said, “Lord Xie ordered this dog to be brought, and also a basket of cats. He said they are the Second Young Master’s pets.”

Shi Shu understood. He turned to look at Du Zihan. “A single horse raising dust for the consort’s smile. I can’t believe it’s my turn.”

Du Zihan said, “That’s thoughtful of him. He was afraid you’d be lonely, so he had someone bring Laifu all the way from Senzhou.”

Shi Shu’s heart grew calm. “Just in time, just in time.”

As evening approached, the dense clouds in the distance faded. Servants in the house had lit the stove and were arranging the meal. This meal had been in preparation since the afternoon. Shi Shu had guessed it would be sumptuous, but he was still surprised when someone joyfully brought up the dishes. “Young Master Xie, this is ‘Smoked Goose,’ ‘Thousand Li Water Shield Soup,’ ‘Drunken Spareribs,’ ‘Lion’s Head Meatballs,’ ‘West Lake Vinegar Fish’…” He listed a whole slew of dishes.

As Shi Shu was looking at the dishes on the table, Xie Wuchi, holding a snow shelter, walked in from the courtyard through the wind and snow. He was wearing a dark, embroidered, sharp outfit, his posture noble and upright, his hair slightly ruffled by the wind and snow. Xie Wuchi walked in, his long fingers lifting the door curtain. Laifu saw him and went over to wag his tail.

Shi Shu lowered his head. Du Zihan also rubbed his forehead. Shi Shu didn’t look up until he felt a shadow fall over his head.

“Did you forget again what day it is?”

Shi Shu always forgot everything when he was busy. Hearing this, he finally reacted. “Oh.”

“We’ll be staying in Great Sheng Prefecture for a few days before returning to Senzhou. I had Laifu brought over to keep you company first.”

Shi Shu said, “Good, I was missing him. Even though someone was taking care of him, I wasn’t at ease since it wasn’t a familiar person.”

Du Zihan stood up. “My stomach hurts a little. Where am I sleeping? I’ll go to sleep first. You two take your time eating. I won’t disturb you.”

Shi Shu watched him walk into the adjacent room, then withdrew his gaze. Xie Wuchi said, “Eat. You’ve been following the logistics team these days, eating in the wind and sleeping in the open. You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

Shi Shu picked up his chopsticks and put them down again. He looked up at Xie Wuchi’s face. “You.”

“What’s wrong?”

Shi Shu said, “You’re so strange.”

Xie Wuchi placed a piece of sparerib in his bowl and nodded. “I want to apologize to you.”

Shi Shu said, “You saved me once in Zhou Family Village. It was right for me to be good to you after that. There was indeed an element of repaying a debt. Let’s just say that by walking these three thousand li with you, everything is settled.”

Xie Wuchi asked, “Do you hate me?”

Shi Shu shook his head and smiled. “I don’t hate you. I understand, in a way.” Because in his eyes, Xie Wuchi wasn’t very happy either.

Xie Wuchi took his hand and looked into his eyes. “Stay with me, be with me forever. Can you love me?”

Shi Shu looked at him, slowly picked up his chopsticks, and averted his gaze. “I need time.”

It seemed that Xie Wuchi had not yet considered the possibility that he might leave.

“Eat. I’m a little tired. I don’t want to talk about this today.” Shi Shu put some food in his bowl. “You eat more too. I’ll go to sleep after I eat. I haven’t slept well these past few days.”

Xie Wuchi was already sitting next to Shi Shu. He covered Shi Shu’s left hand with his own, a gesture with a certain erotic suggestion. “Will you sleep with me?”

Shi Shu turned his gaze. He was about to say something, but he swallowed his words. “Whatever. I don’t care.”

At the same time, Shi Shu was very calm inside. Perhaps it was because he had never been truly angry with Xie Wuchi before, so he didn’t know what his current emotions were. This was fine.

The meal on the table was quickly finished. After they washed up, Shi Shu had just entered the room when Xie Wuchi pulled him into an embrace. Shi Shu didn’t dodge, letting him kiss his earlobe and neck. Xie Wuchi is quite pitiful too.

But on second thought, it was more appropriate to pity himself. Xie Wuchi was about to ascend to heaven, rising with military merit, while he was so poor he only had the pants on his back and didn’t know where his future lay. If, a thought flashed through Shi Shu’s mind, if he just pretended not to see Xie Wuchi’s actions now, acting as if it had nothing to do with him, could he still follow him and enjoy wealth and glory, never having to suffer from the wind and cold again?

And what would it be like to leave Xie Wuchi? Farming, wandering, and most importantly, having no psychological support. It would have been better if he had never met Xie Wuchi. At least he still had the courage to live. After meeting him, he actually felt afraid of an uncertain future.

Xie Wuchi held his face with one hand and nuzzled his nose. “You’ve suffered these past few days. I shouldn’t have put you in the logistics team, making you deal with life and death directly. Are you traumatized?”

Shi Shu shook his head. “It’s alright.”

As soon as he finished speaking, his lips were sealed. When they separated, Shi Shu was panting, his ears red, a silver thread connecting their lips, and even some unruly saliva had trickled down to his chin. He looked at Xie Wuchi with both eyes and wiped his chin with a handkerchief.

Xie Wuchi’s dark eyes were watching him. Tonight, Shi Shu had been particularly silent and hadn’t met his gaze. Xie Wuchi asked, “Are you still angry?”

Shi Shu said, “I’m sleepy.” Thinking of something, Shi Shu said, “You were right. It’s very difficult to change someone, whether it’s changing others or changing yourself.”

Xie Wuchi stared at him. “Shi Shu.”

“I’m sleeping.” Shi Shu lay down on the bed. “Maybe one day you’ll find that I’m not that great either. Just be yourself. I can see you’re a child of destiny, you’ve never apologized to anyone before. Even if you’re being sincere, it’s somehow not right. I don’t need this kind of psychological comfort.”

The snowstorm outside the window had stopped. Shi Shu closed his eyes. He knew Xie Wuchi wasn’t asleep, he seemed to be watching him silently in the darkness. Shi Shu didn’t continue to imagine other outcomes, because from beginning to end, the answer in his heart was the best one, and no matter how good the rationally considered options were, they weren’t what he wanted.

In the middle of the night, Shi Shu woke up once. He was tired, and Xie Wuchi was indeed also very tired, holding him in his deep sleep.

Taking advantage of the faint light, Shi Shu rummaged through his bundle and found the rope contraption Song Sinan had given him. Among the many medicine bottles was a bottle of hypnotic and calming medicine. Shi Shu threw these things aside and clicked his tongue. “No wonder they say Lu Xun abandoned medicine for literature. Too many people die, sometimes doctors can’t keep up.”

Shi Shu sat up at the head of the bed. Xie Wuchi was indeed sleeping soundly. Shi Shu slipped the rope around his wrist. Xie Wuchi didn’t stir, still sleeping with his eyes closed. Shi Shu sat at the table, thinking about what to leave for Xie Wuchi. He should say something. They had known each other for a year; it shouldn’t have to come to such a complete break.

Shi Shu sat and waited for dawn. When the snow stopped and daylight shone in, chasing away the darkness in the room, Shi Shu carefully examined Xie Wuchi’s face. His features were sharp and handsome, his eyes seemed naturally cold, but when filled with affection, they could be considered gentle, although for him, it was like winking at a blind man. He was very handsome, with a good figure, but who knew what was going on in his mind.

“Tsk… my head hurts.”

Shi Shu’s mind was in a mess, his head splitting. He managed to think of some decent words to say to him when the time came. Unexpectedly, Xie Wuchi suddenly woke up. He lifted his eyelids from the pillows and quilts, realized his wrist was bound by a rope, and looked up. There seemed to be a moment of surprise, his eyes bloodshot.

“Shi Shu.”

Startled by his sudden awakening, Shi Shu forgot everything he had wanted to say. He simply stood up. “Xie Wuchi, I forgot to tell you, I’m not angry with you. I’m preparing to leave.”

Xie Wuchi asked, “Where are you going?”

Shi Shu picked up his bundle. “I don’t know where I’m going. The lands of Great Jing are not small. I’ll go anywhere. Wherever looks good, I’ll stop. Maybe like Xu Xiake, I’ll travel the world.”

Xie Wuchi’s expression was still calm. He sat up on the bed, using his other hand to untie the knot. “Listen to me, the world outside isn’t that great. You don’t have any money on you. You won’t have a good life if you leave. Staying with me is better for you.”

Shi Shu couldn’t help but laugh. “Hahaha! I knew you’d say something like that. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

Silence.

Those words seemed to tear something apart. Xie Wuchi’s face instantly turned pale. He tore at the knot more violently with his other hand. “Why are you leaving? Why?”

Seeing the wire dig into his flesh, drawing blood, Shi Shu’s smile faded. He said, “You can’t get it off by yourself. I just want to say goodbye. I’m leaving now. Laifu is coming with me.”

A thousand words were in his mind. Shi Shu regretted forgetting everything he wanted to say, but just as he took a step, he heard a loud “Clatter! Crash!” behind him.

Shi Shu’s heart leaped. He turned his head. Xie Wuchi was walking forward, his left hand tied tightly to the bed leg. His strength was so great that the entire heavy wooden bed was dragged forward. But this rope was known for getting tighter the more one struggled. The wire dug into his strong-boned wrist, tearing the flesh, and blood flowed freely.

“Shi Shu, let’s talk things out slowly. Why do you have to leave?”

Shi Shu said, “There’s no need to talk. I don’t want to change myself, and I don’t want to change others.”

Seeming to hear the determination in his words, Xie Wuchi’s voice weakened. “Shi Shu, can you not go?”

Shi Shu averted his gaze from his bloodless face and stepped back. With every step he took backward, he could hear Xie Wuchi’s voice growing clearer.

“I like you.”

“Shi Shu, I like you.”

“I love you.”

His eyes were red as he looked at Shi Shu. Bright red blood flowed from Xie Wuchi’s wrist, quickly soaking his hand and dripping down his fingertips. Xie Wuchi walked forward. “What did I do wrong… I’ll… change… don’t go… Shi Shu, I don’t want to lose you…”

The rope on his wrist grew tighter and tighter. Shi Shu only knew that if he didn’t leave now, Xie Wuchi would break his own hand. His mind was a blur. He turned, picked up his bundle, and ran out the door.

The doorway was bright with fine, falling snow. The snow had started again at some point.

“How did it go?” Du Zihan was waiting outside the door and caught Shi Shu’s eye. They ran out together. Horses were tied at the entrance. Shi Shu hurriedly said to the guard, “Go in and check on your Lord Xie quickly,” then bolted.

The horses galloped wildly through the city. On both sides were burning houses and celebrating soldiers. The cries and screams of the captives and the jubilant celebration of victory were woven into a hazy, dreamlike picture in the fine snow. Laifu barked “Woof woof woof” as he tried his best to keep up with the horses. Shi Shu gripped the reins tightly, his palms raw and stinging from the rough rope. The wind howled past his ears, his mind filled with Xie Wuchi’s words whispered in his ear, “Shi Shu, be brave, be brave.”

He didn’t know how long or how far he ran. He galloped out of the city gate, his eyes reflecting the blood dripping from Xie Wuchi’s wrist, drop by drop, gathering and hitting the ground, and one drop that fell from the corner of his eye.

The eleventh year of the Taikang era, Spring.

Zhao Shirui broke through the Beimin’s Cha River defense line under Yuantulu and captured Great Sheng Prefecture, retaking the place where the Jing dynasty had risen.

The creaking sound of grain transport carts moved slowly along the mountain pass. People carried grain on their backs as they walked, happily discussing, “This victory is firstly due to General Zhao’s bravery, secondly to the ‘Vengeance Army’ vanguard’s surprise attack on a snowy night, cutting off the enemy’s supply line… and thirdly, that Lord Xie who was dismissed during the new policy reforms happened to be exiled to Senzhou! It was his plan that led to this victory!”

“This Lord Xie is truly a blessing for the common people and the nation!”

“With him leading the war effort, retaking the three prefectures and six states lost by Great Jing is probably just around the corner! I’ll be able to go back to my hometown before I die and burn some paper offerings on my old mother’s grave…”

Shi Shu walked among this group, with Laifu by his side. The warbling of orioles echoed through the forest. It was a rare day of good weather. Warm sunlight fell through the sparse branches onto Shi Shu’s fair and handsome face.

Shi Shu withdrew his gaze and said, “The trees are sprouting. Spring is coming.”

Du Zihan walked beside him. “Yeah, it seems spring is coming. Where are we going now?”

Shi Shu held Laicai’s leash and said, “Let’s just keep walking forward. I don’t know where we’re going. If the destination isn’t important, then let’s see how far we can go.”

“Alright!” Du Zihan happily took out a steamed bun, ate half, and fed the rest to Laifu.

Shi Shu walked forward. After a short while, he suddenly remembered something and turned his face again, looking from across the vast mountains towards where Senzhou was, where Xie Wuchi was staying. After a moment, Shi Shu lowered his head, adjusted his bamboo hat, and wiped away his tears.

The group walked along the grain path.

And behind them, wolf smoke rose in all directions, and the sounds of horns were frequent. Large batches of Beimin troops were gathering, roaring and shouting for revenge, building hatred with fresh blood. Another group of fleeing civilians cried out as they ran from the city tower, fleeing in all directions. The glint of swords, the splash of blood, the victor’s slaughter and plundering carnival was in progress.

And there were a few figures, the masters who controlled cities, standing on the sunset tower, overlooking the entire land set ablaze by war.

One pair of eyes looked south, as if searching for something, leaping across tens of thousands of mountains.

Support me on Ko-fi